Wish i had a dollar for every time some conservative redneck said to me:
"You know digibandit - these (N word here)are robbin us blind with this welfare bullshit -bunch a lazy (N's) that just wont work -just don't give a crap about nuthin yadadadad"
Well you could talk on about how ninety percent of welfare went to aid for dependent children but all you'd get back from the conservative assholes was how personal responsibility had no place among these Welfare cheatin N's.
SO -now you have millions of whiteys collecting checks for up to TWO years -who maybe shoulda put a little away for a rainy day - AND:
You and i both know that Uncle Sammy is not making sure they are accountable for seeking employment in an aggressive way - holding them accountable for their White Welfare checks -making sure this is not just a handout with no strings attached.
AND -these are folks who did not mostly evolve through and from generations of
slavery and discrimination and cultural oppression of many magnitudes.
Just plain irresponsible WHITE welfare recipients who just spent everything they made -saved nothing - behaved liked irresponsible greedy children - tomorrow will never come -nothin will ever go wrong - woopedy doo - keep shoppin for crap - and now think they got it comin because someone else took advantage of them -- boo hoo - boo hoo.
I hope them so called lazy n's are laughing their black asses off at the ridiculous irony of the situation.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
NRA Wants American's To Own Artillery
This from the wimpy NY Times said NRA honcho Clem Snout:
"What is the matter with us? Are we really helpless in the face of the astounding toll that guns take on this society?
More than 30,000 people die from gunfire every year. Another 66,000 or so are wounded, which means that nearly 100,000 men, women and children are shot in the United States annually. Have we really become so impotent as a society, so pathetically fearful in the face of the extremists, that we can’t even take the most modest of steps to begin curbing this horror?
Where is the leadership? We know who’s on the side of the gun crazies. Where is the leadership on the side of sanity?
For starters, assault weapons should be banned. Their raison d’être is to kill the maximum number of people — people, not animals — in the shortest amount of time"
"Well that's just a bunch of liberal crapola" said Clem Snout the NRA president"
He continued, "The more firepower in the hands of white American's the better - and i mean even kinda weirdy WHITE Americans! -- If a few folks get nailed along the way well that's just like my Momma used to to say:
"Clem -if you wanna make an Omelete you gotta break a few eggs"
Mr. Snout continued" "Matter of fact we need WHITE America to wake the fuck up and start investing in REAL firepower because when the Jews and Africans and Mexy's and homo's start swarmin all over us it's gonna take some Howitzers to set em back on their asses"
"It's like Sarah always says -"Don't retreat --RELOAD!" said Stout "AND i don't see nothin in the Constitution says a white American caint own a Howitzer or even a flame thrower -or mount a set of quad fifties on his pickup truck"
"Next year the NRA will seek legislation to REQUIRE every White man (non Jews or Homos)) to carry a gun at all times except when he's humpin his old lady and then she has to have one handy and keep one eye peeled for trouble"
'Vigilance is the answer" concluded President Snout.
"What is the matter with us? Are we really helpless in the face of the astounding toll that guns take on this society?
More than 30,000 people die from gunfire every year. Another 66,000 or so are wounded, which means that nearly 100,000 men, women and children are shot in the United States annually. Have we really become so impotent as a society, so pathetically fearful in the face of the extremists, that we can’t even take the most modest of steps to begin curbing this horror?
Where is the leadership? We know who’s on the side of the gun crazies. Where is the leadership on the side of sanity?
For starters, assault weapons should be banned. Their raison d’être is to kill the maximum number of people — people, not animals — in the shortest amount of time"
"Well that's just a bunch of liberal crapola" said Clem Snout the NRA president"
He continued, "The more firepower in the hands of white American's the better - and i mean even kinda weirdy WHITE Americans! -- If a few folks get nailed along the way well that's just like my Momma used to to say:
"Clem -if you wanna make an Omelete you gotta break a few eggs"
Mr. Snout continued" "Matter of fact we need WHITE America to wake the fuck up and start investing in REAL firepower because when the Jews and Africans and Mexy's and homo's start swarmin all over us it's gonna take some Howitzers to set em back on their asses"
"It's like Sarah always says -"Don't retreat --RELOAD!" said Stout "AND i don't see nothin in the Constitution says a white American caint own a Howitzer or even a flame thrower -or mount a set of quad fifties on his pickup truck"
"Next year the NRA will seek legislation to REQUIRE every White man (non Jews or Homos)) to carry a gun at all times except when he's humpin his old lady and then she has to have one handy and keep one eye peeled for trouble"
'Vigilance is the answer" concluded President Snout.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Palin Family To Tour US With 'Wild North" Carnival Show
Youv'e heard of Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show?
The show itself consisted of a series of "historical" scenes interspersed with feats of showmanship, sharp shooting, racing, or rodeo style events. Native Americans figured prominently in many of the scenes, often shown attacking whites in historical situations with Buffalo Bill or one of his colleagues riding in and saving the day.
Well - The Sarah Palin version of that cookoo event will be coming to a venue near you before you can say " Wow look at Sarah standing on Tod's shoulders going eighty miles per hour on his snowmobile - while she shoots a beer can off an Eskimo's head."(sponsored by Budweiser)
Oh -and while all this is goin on her kids will be working the crowd dressed as Cavalry soldiers handing out bibles and asking for money for Sarah's Presidential campaign.
Yep - in this Annie Oakely meets the Munsters style traveling carnival Sarah will -as she says "Bring back the days when men were men and women were women" or as she said "Before the Democrats turned into homo's and Jew and Injun lovers"
There will be a whale and wolfmeat barbeque and a tent revival prayer meeting and a shooting range.
Hey -the redneck Republicans will show up in droves with their guns and bibles and woop and holler in support of their great white hope for the 2012 election:
Republican now officially stands for "Goyims Only" said Tod as he oggled a teenage Eskimo girl.
The show itself consisted of a series of "historical" scenes interspersed with feats of showmanship, sharp shooting, racing, or rodeo style events. Native Americans figured prominently in many of the scenes, often shown attacking whites in historical situations with Buffalo Bill or one of his colleagues riding in and saving the day.
Well - The Sarah Palin version of that cookoo event will be coming to a venue near you before you can say " Wow look at Sarah standing on Tod's shoulders going eighty miles per hour on his snowmobile - while she shoots a beer can off an Eskimo's head."(sponsored by Budweiser)
Oh -and while all this is goin on her kids will be working the crowd dressed as Cavalry soldiers handing out bibles and asking for money for Sarah's Presidential campaign.
Yep - in this Annie Oakely meets the Munsters style traveling carnival Sarah will -as she says "Bring back the days when men were men and women were women" or as she said "Before the Democrats turned into homo's and Jew and Injun lovers"
There will be a whale and wolfmeat barbeque and a tent revival prayer meeting and a shooting range.
Hey -the redneck Republicans will show up in droves with their guns and bibles and woop and holler in support of their great white hope for the 2012 election:
Republican now officially stands for "Goyims Only" said Tod as he oggled a teenage Eskimo girl.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Best Torture For Muslim Extremists - Nagging American Wives
MUSLIMS TREAT THEIR WOMEN LIKE KOREAN'S TREAT DOGS! - AS A RESULT THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW VISCIOUS A NAGGING WIFE CAN BE -ESPECIALLY A GOOD OLD FASHIONED AVERAGE "AMERICAN NAGGING WIFE"(I DON'T INCLUDE GIRLFRIEND NAGGING (JUST AS VISCIOUS) BECAUSE MUSLIMS DON'T HAVE GIRLFRIENDS - THAT WOULD IMPLY COURTSHIP AND OPTIONS FOR THE WOMEN)
So - you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."
Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:
"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been -I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......." Well - you know the drill.
You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less? Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even;
"Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andthat would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.
How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......
"At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.
C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.
So - you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."
Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:
"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been -I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......." Well - you know the drill.
You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less? Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even;
"Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andthat would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.
How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......
"At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.
C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Vulgarity An Underutilized Diplomacy Weapon
Now if i were to say that Iran cannot be allowed Nuclear Weapons for the same reasons that you would not give a psychopathic escapee from The California Prison for the Criminally Insane -five gallons of a toxic biological agent -AND a map to the Los Angeles Aqueduct:
I would be accused of a misguided and inappropriate metaphor yadadadadya (even though everyone knows that is why those Maniacal - Death Worshiping Mullahs can never become Nuclear Weapon enriched)
BUT -If Secretary Clinton were to stand up in the United Nations General Assembly and state with conviction:
"Let's cut the crap! -I would rather have Ahmadinejad suck on my beaver -or bang Chelsea -Than for him to ever get control of a nuclear weapon -AND that goes for their whole fucking lunatic Islamofascist Regime"
And then if Obama reinforced that with:
"I'm with Hillary one-hundred percent and can honestly say that i would rather have The Ayatollah Komeini impregnate Michelle -Than for those Fascist Stone Age Mullahs to get within range of a Nuclear Missile -UNLESS it was incoming from Tel Aviv!"
OH! Oh! and let's not forget the irrepressible VP Joe Biden who might add:
"I can honestly add to those crystal clear comments that i would rather be gang raped in Delaware State Penitentiary -and have my wife be sodomized by A fucking savage Iranian Revolutionary Guard Member -than to allow Iran to obtain Nuclear Weapons"
Let me Tell ya -- The debate would end right there and we would be the heroes of the whole fucking world that is worth giving a flying fuck about - for calling it straight for ONCE!
Ah - darnit -blew my New Year's resolution about cussing -maybe next year?
I would be accused of a misguided and inappropriate metaphor yadadadadya (even though everyone knows that is why those Maniacal - Death Worshiping Mullahs can never become Nuclear Weapon enriched)
BUT -If Secretary Clinton were to stand up in the United Nations General Assembly and state with conviction:
"Let's cut the crap! -I would rather have Ahmadinejad suck on my beaver -or bang Chelsea -Than for him to ever get control of a nuclear weapon -AND that goes for their whole fucking lunatic Islamofascist Regime"
And then if Obama reinforced that with:
"I'm with Hillary one-hundred percent and can honestly say that i would rather have The Ayatollah Komeini impregnate Michelle -Than for those Fascist Stone Age Mullahs to get within range of a Nuclear Missile -UNLESS it was incoming from Tel Aviv!"
OH! Oh! and let's not forget the irrepressible VP Joe Biden who might add:
"I can honestly add to those crystal clear comments that i would rather be gang raped in Delaware State Penitentiary -and have my wife be sodomized by A fucking savage Iranian Revolutionary Guard Member -than to allow Iran to obtain Nuclear Weapons"
Let me Tell ya -- The debate would end right there and we would be the heroes of the whole fucking world that is worth giving a flying fuck about - for calling it straight for ONCE!
Ah - darnit -blew my New Year's resolution about cussing -maybe next year?
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Remember When Jane Fonda said Cunt on TV?
Daddy! Daddy! What's a Cunt?
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.
I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."
She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"
Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."
But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"
"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"
I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."
"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"
Kid's today!
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.
I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."
She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"
Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."
But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"
"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"
I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."
"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"
Kid's today!
"Blackberry Brain Disease" Afflicting Millions
The Universal Cultural Research Institute in Berne, Switzerland announced the results of a five year study of over ten thousand seemingly successful and normal - high usage Blackberry owners.
"The results were startling and extremely alarming" -- said Dr. Moishe Pipick -Head of neuroscientific data analysis for the institute.
He stated; "I won't bore you with the elaborate stem cortex graph analysis data -or the comprehensive back-up documentation regarding behavioral pathology and emotional deconstruction - along with the acute alteration of logic and emotional circuitry in the cerebral cortex -caused by this device in the hands of high user Alpha males."
Dr. Pipick continued; "But i will say that what we call "Assumptive Logic Pathology" -Which is a mental disorder common to 87% of those in our study - where they are making judgements based on a minimal percentage of the data they are receiving (that info contained in the first paragraph of the Blackberry communiques) -
"BUT - their brains -which have evolved a logical paradigm for more detailed and semi-comprehensive information analysis over millions of years -is being frustrated and -how shall i say it in non technical terms? --In German, Freud called it --Ungershtupped mitten horst manureschweigen infoschlacken"
He concluded; "In other words -stuffed and confused - or overloaded with horsehit information!"
"Can you give us an example of "Assumptive Logical Pathology " Dr. Pipick?" - Asked digibandit Science Reporter -Elise Mandelbaum.
"YES! -here's a typical one - A Television program developer received an urgent email from his aged Mother's heart specialist in which the first words on the Blackberry were "Have idea which you will find important and crucial"
Dr. Pipick went on; "The busy emotionally overloaded program executive quickly sent back a message after getting what he thought was the info gist of the communique "Sorry Doc -too busy to deal with elevator concepts (quicky creative concepts) from you"
"WELL -What the program executive failed to read was the part of the message which said; " Your Mom in coma! -Severe heart attack ! -Need immediate approvalfor radical new stent implantation!"
Dr Pipick concluded; "AND this will Kill ya Elise! -The Dr's next email back to the TV Development big shot said -- in the first three words of a message explaining the DEATH of our programmer's mother: "Mom is gone..... "
"AND the guy sends the Dr. back a quicky Blackberry shot -"Hey Doc! -There are three shows on the air right now about Mothers yaddadada -please give me a break here -- OH! -And how's my mother doing?"
"The results were startling and extremely alarming" -- said Dr. Moishe Pipick -Head of neuroscientific data analysis for the institute.
He stated; "I won't bore you with the elaborate stem cortex graph analysis data -or the comprehensive back-up documentation regarding behavioral pathology and emotional deconstruction - along with the acute alteration of logic and emotional circuitry in the cerebral cortex -caused by this device in the hands of high user Alpha males."
Dr. Pipick continued; "But i will say that what we call "Assumptive Logic Pathology" -Which is a mental disorder common to 87% of those in our study - where they are making judgements based on a minimal percentage of the data they are receiving (that info contained in the first paragraph of the Blackberry communiques) -
"BUT - their brains -which have evolved a logical paradigm for more detailed and semi-comprehensive information analysis over millions of years -is being frustrated and -how shall i say it in non technical terms? --In German, Freud called it --Ungershtupped mitten horst manureschweigen infoschlacken"
He concluded; "In other words -stuffed and confused - or overloaded with horsehit information!"
"Can you give us an example of "Assumptive Logical Pathology " Dr. Pipick?" - Asked digibandit Science Reporter -Elise Mandelbaum.
"YES! -here's a typical one - A Television program developer received an urgent email from his aged Mother's heart specialist in which the first words on the Blackberry were "Have idea which you will find important and crucial"
Dr. Pipick went on; "The busy emotionally overloaded program executive quickly sent back a message after getting what he thought was the info gist of the communique "Sorry Doc -too busy to deal with elevator concepts (quicky creative concepts) from you"
"WELL -What the program executive failed to read was the part of the message which said; " Your Mom in coma! -Severe heart attack ! -Need immediate approvalfor radical new stent implantation!"
Dr Pipick concluded; "AND this will Kill ya Elise! -The Dr's next email back to the TV Development big shot said -- in the first three words of a message explaining the DEATH of our programmer's mother: "Mom is gone..... "
"AND the guy sends the Dr. back a quicky Blackberry shot -"Hey Doc! -There are three shows on the air right now about Mothers yaddadada -please give me a break here -- OH! -And how's my mother doing?"
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
First Recorded Case Of "Coyote Leg" Reported
A team of doctors from "Coyote Arm" International has confirmed that Manny Orbach from Bensonhurst in Brooklyn NYC - Chewed off a large chunk of his leg (which had to be subsequently amputated) -thinking it was his arm) when he awoke from a night of drunken revelry with Elise Mandelbaum draped across his body.
Mr. Orbach stated for the record; " I opened my eyes and when i saw it/her and i started to scream but was able to muffle it right away - THEN realizing how entangled we were -and in a complete state of panic and hysteria that i might awaken her/it - and be forced to engage it - I did the manly thing and went right for my arm - not realizing i was gnawing through my leg before it was too late"
He continued; "Fortunately i was able to extricate myself from under her and crawl away for help -and praise be to the lord that she was still zonked out enough that she didn't awaken - or i would have had to kill myself"
Moishe Pipick - president of World Wide Coyote Arm International praised Mr. Orbach for his courage -and said;
"Manny Orbach is a testimonial to the power and pride of ALL Men and we at WWCA are making sure he will receive the latest in prosthetic surgery and rehabilitation -and are awarding him The Coyote Arm (and now Leg) Legion of Honor -which carries a cash prize of one million dollars along with the many sponsor endorsements which are already coming his way"
He concluded; "However - we are not formally endorsing 'Coyote Leg" and recommend that you take a minute to get your bearings - take a deap breath -and go for the ARM!"
Mr. Orbach stated for the record; " I opened my eyes and when i saw it/her and i started to scream but was able to muffle it right away - THEN realizing how entangled we were -and in a complete state of panic and hysteria that i might awaken her/it - and be forced to engage it - I did the manly thing and went right for my arm - not realizing i was gnawing through my leg before it was too late"
He continued; "Fortunately i was able to extricate myself from under her and crawl away for help -and praise be to the lord that she was still zonked out enough that she didn't awaken - or i would have had to kill myself"
Moishe Pipick - president of World Wide Coyote Arm International praised Mr. Orbach for his courage -and said;
"Manny Orbach is a testimonial to the power and pride of ALL Men and we at WWCA are making sure he will receive the latest in prosthetic surgery and rehabilitation -and are awarding him The Coyote Arm (and now Leg) Legion of Honor -which carries a cash prize of one million dollars along with the many sponsor endorsements which are already coming his way"
He concluded; "However - we are not formally endorsing 'Coyote Leg" and recommend that you take a minute to get your bearings - take a deap breath -and go for the ARM!"
Monday, December 20, 2010
Dream Works Releases "Studsy The Queer Bull" -- First Animated Film For Gay Kids
Steven Spielberg head of DreamWorks and his partner,in charge of animation,Jeffrey (Jewboy) Katzenberg,announced yesterday; “We have finally completed -and just in time for XMas - the first gay themed animated film !" 'Studsy The Queer Bull',
“It's about ‘Studsy’ -- a prize Angus Bull who prefers young bull’s and steers over cows. We were thinking of calling the film, ‘The Queer Steer’ -- but technically he’s a bull (obviously not castrated) and hung like a Moose. As a matter of fact ‘Studsy’ would fuck a Moose as long as it’s a male Moose, and he even tried ,several times during filming, to get at me.” Chimed in Katzenberg the ex head of Disney Animation who is a flaming fag.
He continued; “Our research shows that twenty maybe thirty percent of Americans under the age of seven years old have strong homosexual tendencies,and child psychologists are certain that they are torn apart emotionally between openly adopting a gay lifestyle or “closeting” their emotions in an oppressive hetro dominated environment.
‘Studsy’ will instill pride and identity resolution in young closeted gay children and help them ‘break out” -- just as ‘Studsy’ does in a very compelling scene where he is supposed to impregnate a group of prize cows,but ‘breaks out’ ( a metaphor for his closet) of the paddock and charges into the meadow --- where he proceeds to shtupp about twelve young bulls and eight steers in a violent release of pent up frustration .”
Spielberg added, “ Now you have got to picture this twenty six hundred pound Angus bull fucking every asshole in sight - the energy and passion and drama ! -- Think the fifteenth round in Rocky One.
At this point in the test screenings young boys were jumping up and down on the seats screaming, ‘fuck em -- fuck em all Studsy” and they were crying and hugging one another and some even started masturbating.”
They concluded; “We are so thrilled and satisfied that in today’s exploitive creative environment -especially as far as our children are concerned -- that we at Dream Works are able to produce positive and socially redemptive quality programming that will constructively help our children - our most precious resource - to shape and sructure their lives as we walk hand in hand with America’s parents to achieve that goal through creative art.
And - so - coming soon to a theatre near you, ‘Studsy The Queer Bull’. Bring your tiny future fags to see America’s first Queer Superhero.
“It's about ‘Studsy’ -- a prize Angus Bull who prefers young bull’s and steers over cows. We were thinking of calling the film, ‘The Queer Steer’ -- but technically he’s a bull (obviously not castrated) and hung like a Moose. As a matter of fact ‘Studsy’ would fuck a Moose as long as it’s a male Moose, and he even tried ,several times during filming, to get at me.” Chimed in Katzenberg the ex head of Disney Animation who is a flaming fag.
He continued; “Our research shows that twenty maybe thirty percent of Americans under the age of seven years old have strong homosexual tendencies,and child psychologists are certain that they are torn apart emotionally between openly adopting a gay lifestyle or “closeting” their emotions in an oppressive hetro dominated environment.
‘Studsy’ will instill pride and identity resolution in young closeted gay children and help them ‘break out” -- just as ‘Studsy’ does in a very compelling scene where he is supposed to impregnate a group of prize cows,but ‘breaks out’ ( a metaphor for his closet) of the paddock and charges into the meadow --- where he proceeds to shtupp about twelve young bulls and eight steers in a violent release of pent up frustration .”
Spielberg added, “ Now you have got to picture this twenty six hundred pound Angus bull fucking every asshole in sight - the energy and passion and drama ! -- Think the fifteenth round in Rocky One.
At this point in the test screenings young boys were jumping up and down on the seats screaming, ‘fuck em -- fuck em all Studsy” and they were crying and hugging one another and some even started masturbating.”
They concluded; “We are so thrilled and satisfied that in today’s exploitive creative environment -especially as far as our children are concerned -- that we at Dream Works are able to produce positive and socially redemptive quality programming that will constructively help our children - our most precious resource - to shape and sructure their lives as we walk hand in hand with America’s parents to achieve that goal through creative art.
And - so - coming soon to a theatre near you, ‘Studsy The Queer Bull’. Bring your tiny future fags to see America’s first Queer Superhero.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Watch Your Children Closely
Remember what happened last Christmas?
XMas 2009 -Digibandit Exclusive
Santa Claus Charged With Sodomizing Elves Last Christmas
Santa arrived back in the North Pole after a long night of gift giving to find himself taken into custody by the Polar Police -his Reindeer quarantined and his sled impounded -as hundreds of elves with torches and pitchforks screamed "Santa is a pervert!"
Meyer Lansky the North Pole Chief of Police stated; 'Santa has been taken into custody because of DNA evidence and testimony alleging that he was routinely sodomizing both his.male and female elves - and maybe even his Reindeers?
He said: "And we are asking all parents to watch their children this Christmas day for any evidence of unusual or frightful .behavior"
"For example -If they are afraid to open their presents or cry at the sight of milk and cookies "
"Merry Christmas"
XMas 2009 -Digibandit Exclusive
Santa Claus Charged With Sodomizing Elves Last Christmas
Santa arrived back in the North Pole after a long night of gift giving to find himself taken into custody by the Polar Police -his Reindeer quarantined and his sled impounded -as hundreds of elves with torches and pitchforks screamed "Santa is a pervert!"
Meyer Lansky the North Pole Chief of Police stated; 'Santa has been taken into custody because of DNA evidence and testimony alleging that he was routinely sodomizing both his.male and female elves - and maybe even his Reindeers?
He said: "And we are asking all parents to watch their children this Christmas day for any evidence of unusual or frightful .behavior"
"For example -If they are afraid to open their presents or cry at the sight of milk and cookies "
"Merry Christmas"
Monday, December 13, 2010
Worldwide "Coyote Arm" Gathering Draws Millions
MEN -FROM AROUND THE WORLD - WHO HAVE CHEWED OFF THEIR ARM SO AS TO NOT RISK WAKING THE "BEAST" THEY FOUND SNUGGLED UP NEXT TO THEM AFTER A DRUNKEN NIGHT OF PARTYING - JOINED TOGETHER IN BASIL SWITZERLAND TODAY -TO CELEBRATE THEIR COLLEGIAL HONOR AND BRAVERY -AND TO WARN "MEN EVERYWHERE" OF THE POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCES OF "DRUNKEN PASSION".
Moishe Pipick - Leader of the UCAF (Universal Coyote Arm federation) - chosen for being the first man to chew off BOTH arms when he woke up with TWINS - who in his words. "Defied description" announced:
"Men who have lost an arm in the service of drunken passion - bear witness and testimony to our eternal weakness for "Drunken sex" and the price some of us must pay for the dignity of All men Everywhere!"
Mr. Pipick went on; "And while there has been an attempt by the women marching outside our gathering to establish a "Coyote Arm" organization of their own -we can see by the number of one armed women marching - that they have a limited following"
"And - we have it on good sources - that most of those one armed women were the victims of MEN who got their arms mixed up"
"And in conclusion" - said Pipick -"I am so proud to see the growing numbers of TWO ARM Coyote Men". -"It takes great courage to chew off both arms - And we salute them!"
Moishe Pipick - Leader of the UCAF (Universal Coyote Arm federation) - chosen for being the first man to chew off BOTH arms when he woke up with TWINS - who in his words. "Defied description" announced:
"Men who have lost an arm in the service of drunken passion - bear witness and testimony to our eternal weakness for "Drunken sex" and the price some of us must pay for the dignity of All men Everywhere!"
Mr. Pipick went on; "And while there has been an attempt by the women marching outside our gathering to establish a "Coyote Arm" organization of their own -we can see by the number of one armed women marching - that they have a limited following"
"And - we have it on good sources - that most of those one armed women were the victims of MEN who got their arms mixed up"
"And in conclusion" - said Pipick -"I am so proud to see the growing numbers of TWO ARM Coyote Men". -"It takes great courage to chew off both arms - And we salute them!"
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Fox Anounces "Die Laughing" using The Terminally Ill
"Hey -Laughter is the best medicine and in our upcoming new Reality Program "Die laughing" --terminally ill patients are gonna get mega doses of Comic Radiation -right in their Death Beds - at Deaths Door!"
So sayeth Mike (The Midget) Schlocker - Fox TV president -in Hollywood today.
"Holy cow Mike!" said Bandit Entertainment reporter Elise Mandelbaum "You are going to exploit terminally patients in a Reality Show?"
"Exploit?" -"Hold on to your size D Jewish cups Elise! -We have already brought half a dozen terminally ill patients back from the Grim Reaper's grasp in our test pilot"
"Bullshit Mike!" said Elise.
Schlocker replied; "Let me introduce ya to Moishe Pipick who already had his feeding tube removed over at Cedars Sinai when Ben Morrison a local stand up comic did a special 'Die Laughing ' routine at Moishe's bedside -tell em what happened Moishe?"
Moishe exclaimed; "Well -i vas riding up to Heaven on a bright light ven i hear "So Moishe - did you hear about the old Jew who had brain cancer and his wife tried to put chicken soup in his ears and..."
Moishe went on: "well suddenly i heard a few more Death Jokes and before you know it i was awake -AND after an MRI and a Scat Scan my Neurologist said my brain tumor had totally disappeared!"
Schlocker said; And - we know this "Die Laughing" approach can save folks and it's gonna be one hell of a funny show!"
Elise said; "Well it would be so wonderful if you could actually use tragic comedy to save folks Mike"
Schlocker concluded; "But if it don't get ratings we'll have to pull the plug on it --heh heh heh -heh heh heh - pull the plug -get it? heh heh heh!"
So sayeth Mike (The Midget) Schlocker - Fox TV president -in Hollywood today.
"Holy cow Mike!" said Bandit Entertainment reporter Elise Mandelbaum "You are going to exploit terminally patients in a Reality Show?"
"Exploit?" -"Hold on to your size D Jewish cups Elise! -We have already brought half a dozen terminally ill patients back from the Grim Reaper's grasp in our test pilot"
"Bullshit Mike!" said Elise.
Schlocker replied; "Let me introduce ya to Moishe Pipick who already had his feeding tube removed over at Cedars Sinai when Ben Morrison a local stand up comic did a special 'Die Laughing ' routine at Moishe's bedside -tell em what happened Moishe?"
Moishe exclaimed; "Well -i vas riding up to Heaven on a bright light ven i hear "So Moishe - did you hear about the old Jew who had brain cancer and his wife tried to put chicken soup in his ears and..."
Moishe went on: "well suddenly i heard a few more Death Jokes and before you know it i was awake -AND after an MRI and a Scat Scan my Neurologist said my brain tumor had totally disappeared!"
Schlocker said; And - we know this "Die Laughing" approach can save folks and it's gonna be one hell of a funny show!"
Elise said; "Well it would be so wonderful if you could actually use tragic comedy to save folks Mike"
Schlocker concluded; "But if it don't get ratings we'll have to pull the plug on it --heh heh heh -heh heh heh - pull the plug -get it? heh heh heh!"
Friday, December 03, 2010
Visa Announces "Shop Only" -Shop Til You Drop" Card
WANT TO GET THAT "SHOPPER'S HIGH" WITHOUT ACTUALLY SPENDING A DIME?
Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ?
Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?
Well - with Visa's "Shop Till You Drop" card you just pay a small fee --ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits cost a paltry fifty bucks
And you high roller's can get up to one -hundred thousand dollars in credits for a paltry three hundred bucks.
So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.
And for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and friends - getting yet another " consumption fix" - for free - when you open them.
And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Pipick's "Shopped" us for our housewarming." As your friend unwraps and reads the gift description - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".
And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!
Remember - it's "The thought that counts" - so get your Visa "Shop Till You Drop" card -- get high - and change the world! --For peanuts!
Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ?
Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?
Well - with Visa's "Shop Till You Drop" card you just pay a small fee --ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits cost a paltry fifty bucks
And you high roller's can get up to one -hundred thousand dollars in credits for a paltry three hundred bucks.
So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.
And for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and friends - getting yet another " consumption fix" - for free - when you open them.
And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Pipick's "Shopped" us for our housewarming." As your friend unwraps and reads the gift description - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".
And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!
Remember - it's "The thought that counts" - so get your Visa "Shop Till You Drop" card -- get high - and change the world! --For peanuts!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Injun Chief With Pilgrim in Heaven --Thanksgiving 2010
Chief Whitefish -"Look Pilgrim what has happened since you fucked us back then - My people have Casinos and loads of bling and their children go to Harvard and drive BMW trucks and our wives have Gucci luggage - And your people have no jobs and are losing their houses and your druggy children have to leave college and live at home and your wives are desperate for sex and bling and security.
Pilgrim John Smith -You are still a bunch of fucking savages!
Happy Thanksgiving (what goes around)
Pilgrim John Smith -You are still a bunch of fucking savages!
Happy Thanksgiving (what goes around)
The Digibandit: Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wi...
The Digibandit: Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wi...: "'It's wild all right!' announced Fox Tv President Mikey Schlocker in Hollywood today: 'This will blow your socks off -(along with every oth..."
The Digibandit: Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wi...
The Digibandit: Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wi...: "'It's wild all right!' announced Fox Tv President Mikey Schlocker in Hollywood today: 'This will blow your socks off -(along with every oth..."
Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wild"
"It's wild all right!" announced Fox Tv President Mikey Schlocker in Hollywood today:
"This will blow your socks off -(along with every other article of clothing heh heh heh) Because we have purchased the XlT1000 Super Security Scanner which El Al Air uses to scan the Habibs who are constantly trying to blow up Israeli passengers - and it's the best!"
He went on: "I mean you can see a spot on a nipple like it's a bowling ball AND SO - We at Fox Reality Television are using this fun technology to create a Celebrity Game Show"
"How's it work Mikey?" asked digibandit Hollywood Reporter Elise Mandelbaum.
"Good question Elise" -"Let's say we show pictures of say six hotties -lncluding you -in bikinis - And then we run you all through the scanner AND Then - The contestants have to pick which pair of bodaceous ta ta's are YOURS"
Elise replied; -"So - you see MY breasts in a bikini along with five other women and then the audience sees our actual breasts in the Screener and then they have to select which are mine - Only n the show they would be trying to pick the actual Celebrity's Breasts?"
"You nailed it Elise - and we certainly would want to have a strong array of ta ta's like yours in the screener (heh heh) OH -I wanted to call the show " Million Dollar - Whose Tit's Are They Anyway" - BUT my genius kids in the programming department explained that we will be extending the contest to Celebrity Asses and Scrotums which brings in a much wider audience"
"But Mike?" asked Elise "With all the concern about these screeners and privacy issues right now -isn't that a concern for Fox?"
"Absolutely!" replied Schlocker -- "AND when American's see these magnificent tits ans asses and nut sacks of Celebrities up on the TV screen with all those other folks body parts -in a fun Game Show environment - We just KNOW that the whole issue of embarrassment will disappear overnight."
He concluded: "And what's good for national Security -Is good for Fox Television!"
"This will blow your socks off -(along with every other article of clothing heh heh heh) Because we have purchased the XlT1000 Super Security Scanner which El Al Air uses to scan the Habibs who are constantly trying to blow up Israeli passengers - and it's the best!"
He went on: "I mean you can see a spot on a nipple like it's a bowling ball AND SO - We at Fox Reality Television are using this fun technology to create a Celebrity Game Show"
"How's it work Mikey?" asked digibandit Hollywood Reporter Elise Mandelbaum.
"Good question Elise" -"Let's say we show pictures of say six hotties -lncluding you -in bikinis - And then we run you all through the scanner AND Then - The contestants have to pick which pair of bodaceous ta ta's are YOURS"
Elise replied; -"So - you see MY breasts in a bikini along with five other women and then the audience sees our actual breasts in the Screener and then they have to select which are mine - Only n the show they would be trying to pick the actual Celebrity's Breasts?"
"You nailed it Elise - and we certainly would want to have a strong array of ta ta's like yours in the screener (heh heh) OH -I wanted to call the show " Million Dollar - Whose Tit's Are They Anyway" - BUT my genius kids in the programming department explained that we will be extending the contest to Celebrity Asses and Scrotums which brings in a much wider audience"
"But Mike?" asked Elise "With all the concern about these screeners and privacy issues right now -isn't that a concern for Fox?"
"Absolutely!" replied Schlocker -- "AND when American's see these magnificent tits ans asses and nut sacks of Celebrities up on the TV screen with all those other folks body parts -in a fun Game Show environment - We just KNOW that the whole issue of embarrassment will disappear overnight."
He concluded: "And what's good for national Security -Is good for Fox Television!"
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tough Audience
Satellite TV programs such as those broadcast on Farsi 1 destroy the chastity and honor of our families and encourage the young to take up lovemaking, wine drinking and Satan worship."
MOHAMMAD-TAGHI RAHBAR, a member of Iran's Parliament, on comedies and dramas broadcast from Dubai into Iran by the News Corporation and a prominent Afghan family.
What they need is a game show -maybe "The Stone Is Right" where these stone age morons can compete in killing their local "Satanic Hussies" and win luxurious prizes like dynamite and toilet paper?
Or maybe "Desperate Shiite Houswives of Iran" where wives and mothers compete in begging their husbands for huge favors -like not being abused and demeaned and totally marginalized.
Or maybe even
"Is Your Goat Smarter Than The Local Mullah?"
No wonder these Fundamentalist Muslims are so cranky! -They have nothing to watch but each other's fucking misery.
MOHAMMAD-TAGHI RAHBAR, a member of Iran's Parliament, on comedies and dramas broadcast from Dubai into Iran by the News Corporation and a prominent Afghan family.
What they need is a game show -maybe "The Stone Is Right" where these stone age morons can compete in killing their local "Satanic Hussies" and win luxurious prizes like dynamite and toilet paper?
Or maybe "Desperate Shiite Houswives of Iran" where wives and mothers compete in begging their husbands for huge favors -like not being abused and demeaned and totally marginalized.
Or maybe even
"Is Your Goat Smarter Than The Local Mullah?"
No wonder these Fundamentalist Muslims are so cranky! -They have nothing to watch but each other's fucking misery.
Monday, November 15, 2010
World Leaders Overheard Dissing Republicans
A leaked recording of a private conference has been obtained by digibandit European Burea Chief Moishe Pipick who could not release the names due to a confidentiality agreement BUT Here are some comments from world leaders regarding the incoming class of 100 new freshman Congressional Republicans:
"This has to be the stupidest group of American legislators in their history"
"Fucking unqualified morons -couldn't get elected dog catcher here"
"Ignorant -incompetent -inexperienced -ideologues and religious wackos"
"God help us - they are a bunch of uneducated gun toting assholes"
"Just wait -they will be fucking everything that walks -stealing and grabbing and making fools of themselves"
"The American people have just fucked themselves ROYALLY -they where better off under King George"
"These schmucks make Bush look like a Rhodes Scholar -a bunch of Bible belting Neanderthals"
"Fox news is gonna have a field day with this group of complete assholes"
SO -we asked Moishe Pipick; "Did you get the feeling that the rest of the world thinks we've gone backwards in our Political efficacy?"
"What!" -"Have you been listening!" -"They think America has opened up it's mental institutions and given the loonies a shot at governing"
Stay tuned -and buy gold and drugs and ammo.
"This has to be the stupidest group of American legislators in their history"
"Fucking unqualified morons -couldn't get elected dog catcher here"
"Ignorant -incompetent -inexperienced -ideologues and religious wackos"
"God help us - they are a bunch of uneducated gun toting assholes"
"Just wait -they will be fucking everything that walks -stealing and grabbing and making fools of themselves"
"The American people have just fucked themselves ROYALLY -they where better off under King George"
"These schmucks make Bush look like a Rhodes Scholar -a bunch of Bible belting Neanderthals"
"Fox news is gonna have a field day with this group of complete assholes"
SO -we asked Moishe Pipick; "Did you get the feeling that the rest of the world thinks we've gone backwards in our Political efficacy?"
"What!" -"Have you been listening!" -"They think America has opened up it's mental institutions and given the loonies a shot at governing"
Stay tuned -and buy gold and drugs and ammo.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Joh McCaine Created 'PalinStein" AND The Tea Party Jerks
Sarah Palin was just another goofy incompetent vainglorious local hick/celebrity when a desperate and senile Senator Mc Caine raised her from the "Politically Dead" -And transformed her into:
"PalinStein" -a far more dangerous monstor than Frankie ever was!
BECAUSE -when the angry masses got to see an ignorant simplistic populist on the National Political Stage - They discovered their Alaskan Joan of Arc!
A fundamentalist with a big mouth and a small intellect -An ideologue full of populist jingo wingo cleche's- AND - with a "wonderfully" wacko family and a macho wacko -meat eatin God fearin -Wolf killing gun totin nutso Hubby.
So -THEN - The rich and powerful who always know how to spot a thoroughbred to lead their charge in exploiting the weak and the poor WITH the backing of the weak and the poor -AND who never find out they are getting fucked by themselves -led by themselves -until it'a too late:
Cranked up the Tea Party and financed it's wacko candidtes with their big Conservative Republican bucks so they can resume control of Congress from the progressives:
AND - then Go back to fucking the poor and the weak with a vengeance like they did under GW for 8 years.
And hey you morons -They couldn't do it without ya!
In the words of Joe Fogherty; "Gonna be a long hard night before it's done"
"PalinStein" -a far more dangerous monstor than Frankie ever was!
BECAUSE -when the angry masses got to see an ignorant simplistic populist on the National Political Stage - They discovered their Alaskan Joan of Arc!
A fundamentalist with a big mouth and a small intellect -An ideologue full of populist jingo wingo cleche's- AND - with a "wonderfully" wacko family and a macho wacko -meat eatin God fearin -Wolf killing gun totin nutso Hubby.
So -THEN - The rich and powerful who always know how to spot a thoroughbred to lead their charge in exploiting the weak and the poor WITH the backing of the weak and the poor -AND who never find out they are getting fucked by themselves -led by themselves -until it'a too late:
Cranked up the Tea Party and financed it's wacko candidtes with their big Conservative Republican bucks so they can resume control of Congress from the progressives:
AND - then Go back to fucking the poor and the weak with a vengeance like they did under GW for 8 years.
And hey you morons -They couldn't do it without ya!
In the words of Joe Fogherty; "Gonna be a long hard night before it's done"
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