"Where Is Drunken Santa?" will Replace Rudolph!

"Where is Drunken Santa?" - To Replace Shrinking Rudolph

 Meyer Cornblum head of CBS's Special  XMas Programmimg division said in Hollywood today:       ---   "You used to know Christmas is coming when Rudolph shows up. Unfortunately his light did not shine so bright last night: (CBS’ airing of the 1964 stop-motion animation Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (2.9/8) special was down 28% from last year.) -So we are getting rid of him  and replacing it with a Reality Show:

 He explained: "Where is Drunken Santa" -  is where kids AND adults attempt  to track and locate  a lost Santa (" He's Drunk -you know kiddies - like how  Daddy and Mommy sometimes  get lost when they are driving after they drink too much and we have to help him find his way here") -  using their digital devices and compete together as a family to win Christmas  goodies."

"And we at CBS think this will also reinforce a strong message against Drinking and Driving"

Ho! Ho! Ho!

FOX TV Announces "Ten Drunken/Farting Dwarfs"

“I can’t take credit for this hot new addition to our summer reality line-up” said Fox TV pres. Mike Schlocknell.

“This sure fire hit is the brain child of our very own Rupert Murdoch” he said at a press conference in LA today “You know – “Rup has always maintained that if you did a whole show with nothing but Dwarfs sittin around drinking and getting loaded –and farting” “You’ll have a hit TV show Schlocknell!”

“So – we did some focus groups and sure enough Rup was absolutely right – folks were peeing in their pants –and we should have trusted Rup’s instincts from the get go –because if anyone has a feel for this shit –it’s Rup!”

“Isn’t the preferred term these days Little People - won’t they and the audience be offended by the word “Dwarfs?” asked digibandit Hollywood bureau chief –Elise Mandelbaum.
“Nope!” said Schlocknell - “ Rupe was very clear about that and he told me; “Mike – we don’t want ANY Little Folks! - Make sure you use ONLY dwarfs!”

“Are they gonna have a focus to their drunken fart laden commentary?” asked Mandelbaum.

“Oh yeah!” answered Schlocknell – The theme for the first season is;  "The  Romney's are Androids -Let's get Drunk and Fart on Them!"
 
“Yeah –that Ruppert Murdoch sure is a creative character –he’s even more creative than you are Mike!”

“Well Elise” – he replied -“The Jews don’t have ALL the creativity around here” (off microphone -“But you sure have got great tits!”)

Donald Trump Bringing Las Vegas To Palestinians

Donald Trump Will Develop Palestinian Pleasure Palace

Hasids get a 20% discount on all blow jobs

 The Donald will set us free

The Donald has come out with a revolutionary solution to the "Palestinian Problem". he announced today that; " Let's face it the Moslems need a place to let off some steam and the Palestinians need some dinero real fast!"
 Trump announced "I propose turning the West Bank into the Las Vegas of the Middle East!" - " Jobs -- unlimited money -- an outlet for people who won't have to blow themselves apart to get into Paradise (no Virgins but real pros heh heh) -- and tons of cash for the Palestinian leaders to extort and steal and waste (the one thing they are great at)."
We can send a delegation of American Indian Tribal Chiefs -Casino Moguls (you know the tribal/ caveman thing that the Arabs love ) over there with a trillion bucks to get everything going and Voila! -- peace with the Jews --- prosperity -- and "Mellow Muslims" -- a first for fourteen hundred years."
"!Cash -- hookers -- gambling -- shows -- drugs and booze -- works every time!"

"Lucky seven -- pay the little lady in the see though Burkah!"

My "Psych" tagline -"Solving Crime One Brain Fuck at a Time" "

The "characters welcome" network is welcoming Psych fans to take a shot a creating a tagline for the series upcoming seventh season.
Starting Nov. 30 through Dec. 23, Psych-Os can visit the Psych Tag iiit app on USANetwork.com or the show's Facebook page to submit, review and rank taglines. Users can insert their own tagline right onto the official season seven poster online, share their work in the "Psych gallery," and rate their favorites. The entries will be narrowed down to seven finalists – honoring the show’s seventh campaign that will contain its 100th episode - with the voting taking place from Dec. 31, 2012 through January 4, 2013; the fan favorite will be announced later that month.
Previous Psych taglines have included "To Predict and Serve," "Solving Crime is a Serious Business, Sort Of," and from season one, "Fake Psychic, Real Detectives."
USA’s current longest running show returns on Feb. 27 at 10 p.m. (ET).

Romney To be Circumsized before Starting Rabbinical Studies

am sure god punished me -and denied me the Presidency because of my weirdo beliefs

Having renounced his Mormon faith and being accepted as a Rabbinical Student in Israel he didn't realize he had to undergo circumcision -he said today in Jerusalem:

"Well i'm not gonna let a little pain stop me from becoming a Hebrew Rabbi and escaping from that fucked up Mormon Church where i was punished by Yahweh -the Hebrew God for being a Pagan and was denied the Presidency."

 

OH and when my dick heals i'm gonna get some hot Jewish pussy  - Ann was sweet but couldn't suck a cock worth shit!

Happy Hanuckah

 

"Love Cannot be Silenced" -digibandit lyrics

Love Cannot be Slenced by Ignorant Fucking Priests

BUT -let's put a cock in their mouths

To make them happy

And give them Cornhole Feasts

Lincoln should have made Southerners Slaves after the Civil War

Anyone who owned slaves should have been turned over to a group of blacks for five years - maybe then you wouldn't see Confederate Flags still hanging in the shithole redneck South -and highways and schools named after fuckers like Davis and lee.

Lincoln was a pussy for letting them get away with their slavemaster horrors and Grant was a racist and pulled the troops out of the South so the blacks could get fucked up the ass by whitey for another 50 years.

l

Romney Converting to Judaism -Renounces Mormon Faith

 I'm Changing my robe and becoming a Rabbi

 what can we do mitt this goymitt?

Romney is headed to Israel to study with The Great Rebbe Manachem Silver Schwartenbacher and stated today: "The Mormon Church is based on bullshit and THEIR gods couldn't even get a Mormon elected President -A Mormon who has dedicated his life to them and was so close -so close -so close."He then paused for a crying spasm)

Ann Romney held a press conference with her 20 children and 200 grandchildren and said:

"I have started divorce proceedings and my family will have NOTHING further to do with this Mormon Jew loving traitor"

wish i Could Write like Gail Collins of The NY Times

   Here's an excerpt fom her commentary today about the Obama/Romney lunch: - "Romney said nothing whatsoever about the invitation. Perhaps he’s reflected on his gifts for spontaneous comment since he told donors that Obama had won the votes of college-age women by offering them free contraceptives. Maybe he has decided never to speak in public again. But you do have to give him points for showing up for the lunch. He cannot be in a good mood. His lifetime dream is rubble. He got 47 percent of the vote. He’s working out of his kid’s office. Chris Christie is the most popular person in the nation.

As Romney’s SUV approached the White House grounds, police stopped a man who tried to reach for the car yelling “Mitt! Mitt!” It wasn’t clear what he had in mind. Perhaps he was an angry dog lover who still hasn’t gotten over the fact that Romney once drove to Canada with an Irish setter strapped to the car roof. Perhaps he was a disappointed fan, eager to discuss the Tea Party’s clever plan to resuscitate the Romney presidency by organizing a boycott of the Electoral College." 

Now that is brilliant satire spiked with ironic insight and humor - BUT - here's what i would have said :

Palestinian Observer Status Affords Clearer View of Israeli Development

Now that The Palestinians have won observer status from the anti-semitic UN member States The Palestinians can better 'OBSERVE" what will be an Israeli building boom in The West Bank.

where's my momma

These fuckers will never learn they have to get their OWN shit together before their lives will improve - schools - women's rights -just laws and institutions -economic development. -They need to nurture their kids and their kids mothers but instead they behave like  a pack of brainwashed regressive wolves!!!

65 years they have done shit! - Look at what the Jews have accomplished in that time -it's the Mad Mullahs preaching death instead of life  - progress and fairness - that has kept most Arab Muslims from achieving security and prosperity.

MTV announces "Buckwild Anal" Jersey Shore with Cornholing Rednecks

Jersey Boys Don't Turn me on Like Buck

Filling the void left by Jersey Shore on Thursday nights at 10p, MTV will debut a new reality series "Buckwild Anal" centered on nine young adult friends in a small town in West Virginia who live by the motto "Whatever happens to you're cornhole when your drunk and high, happens!"  MTV rolls out the new series January 3 at 10p and following the premiere, the network will air two back-to-back half-hour episodes each week from 10-11p.  

 "Buckwild Anal" follows the friends as they fight, drink, four-wheel, dive in mud puddles ,cornhole each other and barn Animals and overall tear things up." said Chucky Schlockmeister head of MTV alternative programming.

 Better than The Jersey Shore!

He concluded "hey we know our audience -and this is the kind of shit they lap up like hogs in heat." 

phto caption contest -Winner gets to Ride on top of Mitts car

Great lunch Mitty Now go home and Cry some more -oh and send my best to BatFace Ryan

 

Obama Offers Romney Job as Mormon Adviser - Romney Rejects Offer

 I'm no Mormon Lackey for that Nigga

The President over lunch with failed candidate Romney offered him a job as Head of Understanding Strange Religions and Customs - to which Romney allegedly told  his wife later:

"I'm no lackey for that nigga in the White House! -maybe i should just be The White House pool boy?"

The president was pissed off after being rebuffed in his offer and announced:

"Hey - first of all those Mormons are a strange and powerful group - a bit kooky BUT i would like to get a better handle on them strange white folks out there in the Desert who seem to be smokin something the rest of us ain't -hahaha!"

He continued: "oh -and it isn't like anyone else is standin around throwing jobs at this guy after he tries two suicide attempts and one by eating money -I mean -what's he gonna do next? -commit suicide by eating Caviar -hahaha? -only kidding folks - i wish him nothin but the best."

"And his wife too"

Women Should Be Put In The Front Lines Of Combat

Four military servicewomen, who all served tours in Afghanistan or Iraq, filed a federal lawsuit in San Francisco on Tuesday seeking to end the Pentagon’s ban on women serving in direct combat jobs. AND OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY - is it about time!

I have only a few requirements:

 i don't even need a gun

First -  only the cuntiest women are chosen from the ranks - 62% of ALL females  have been making normal folks life miserable since Eve and these cunts would make the best warriors.

 she died a hero -hahahahahahaha!

Second . -only married women because then when they are killed at least some guy will get a break.

 SO Simple and Obvious -  So let's forge ahead on this

ABC launches "Cunt Trophy Wife"

ABC's  pilot  "Cunt Trophy Wife" cast Natalie Morales (White Collar) to play Meg, a hard-partying and promiscuous woman who always is on the lookout for a rich eligible guy.  Morales joins Bradley Whitford and Malin Ackerman in the single-camera comedy from Private Practice's Emily Halpern and SuperNews' Sarah Haskins.

Casting Call -Fox Will turn Tacky Women into Sex Animals

 help me

 i'll suck your cock right off your nutsack

Casting Call: A new TV pilot For Fox reality TV is seeking tacky women (who appear to be 25-35 years old) who are in desperate need of lessons in sophistication and who want to learn how to give great oral and anal sex.  The production is looking for women in the NYC area whose look and character can use a makeover and an intervention from other ladies who can teach her how to dress and how to act and perform like a high paid whore.  Nominate your mother, sister, aunt or friend and send an email to: makeoverneededplease@gmail.com and include a description of the woman and their story.

Fox TV Announces "I Dream of Fucking Genie" next gen Genie

 Larry Loved Genie head

"This is gonna be the next gen "I Dream of Genie" and the one Larry Hagman would love to have starred in""said Myron Schlockman prexy of Fox Reality TV -Oh and you know the old joke?

"A guy sees a Gorgeous Genie and she asks him for three wishes  -he replies - riches -health AND:

"How about a little head?"

"SO -She gives him a LITTLE head!  HA HA HA! -get it a LITTLE head for real -not a blow job -a LITTLE head! -Oh that kills me."

He continued -"BUT -in "I Fucked Genie"  The program starts with real "Genie Head"and it just gets better from there."

So this one's for you Larry who we hope never turned down a blow job from Genie.

Oxygen Announces "Shopping makes me Wetter Than My Boyfriend"

 I get Wet thinking about shopping

Well this new series premiered on Oxygen last Monday at 11p and delivered 657,000 total viewers as well as 432,000 among A18-49, according to Nielsen.  -These viewers ought to be lined up and have their tubes tied before they bring any more future moron gal shoppers into the world.

American Buying Addicts keep Mainlining Crap as Their Lives Diminish

Black Friday shoppers spent an estimated $11.2 billion mostly on crap they don't nedd in spite of having shit in the bank for emergencies or their kids educations. 

Then they go home and eat themselves to death with their fat fucking kids while watching crap television

And then they blame it on the rich and successful for exploiting them.

Paul Ryan's Retarded Relatives (Lemur and Yokey Ryan) are REALLY PISSED at Him

 Lemur and Yokey Ryan

Lemur and Yokey Ryan - first cousins to the VP candidate who were both promised jobs as Secretary of Education and Health and Welfare respectively - said today from their trailer camp in Wisconsin:

"Fucking cousin Paul (batface) Ryan really cornholed us by losing and letting those Jews and Niggers and Spics and Homos and Lesbos take over the country - AND he shoulda never let that faggot Mitt parade his rich cunty wife all over the place!"

They continued: "Now were gonna have them teachin Science and more Rythmetic in all the schools AND soon there will be folks marrying Dogs and Cats AND Abortionists and Pot sellers will be a crawlin all over America AND we won't even be allowed to own Machine Guns or nuthin AND the tree huggers will be stompin aroun the hollow with their Lesbos and Faggots pettin Squirrels  - FUCK FUCK FUCK -Batface really cornholed us REAL Americans!!!"

Oh Boy - that WAS a narrow escape from those Republican Rednecks who WOULD  have been cavortin around and through and all over DC right now -whew!!!