Or any man for that matter? - And here's the obvious answer:
God has a Cock!
Yep - knowing full well that any descent normal attractive (or rich) male could and would - fuck almost any female that walks - until, finally, his last drop of testosterone dribbled out ;
He still proceeded to create men with dicks!
I mean - he could have created - say - a double eye wink as the catalyst for procreation - or a whistle - or a face lick. And wham! - She's pregnant! - And on goes the human race. -- But noooo:
He had to create this whole sex/lust/power/ ego/ dominance - lovey dovey feel good orgasmic stuff to move humanity down the road?
The only reason God did that - and created all this confusion about sin and sex is because -- God was born with a penis!
So - don't blame John Edwards - blame God!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
CIA Torture Expert Recounts "Nagging" Effectiveness
Agent Lance Himmler - an experienced CIA torturer - has divulged his initial experience with a revolutionary new torture technique - "American Wife Nagging".
He reported on the method yesterday - at a briefing of the Joint Chiefs of Staff - which the President and Secretrary of Defense Gates attended.
"Sustained nagging by an American wife - preferably a miserable Jewish housewife (hey and no anti-semitism intended - some of my best friends in the CIA have been driven nuts by nagging waspy wives) - is the most effective torture application that i have witnessed in my thirty years of trying to crack the toughest terrorist nuts around the world!"
He recounted; "Well -- we had this Al Quaeda leader who was sitting on some highly sensitive intel - and he would not give an inch! - We waterboarded him - we crushed his toes with a hammer - we put a pigs snout up his butt ( you know they hate pork) - we lit up his nuts with electrical charges - we put sulphuric acid on his left eyeball -- and then we got rough with this guy -- and NOTHING - he spit at us!"
Officer Himmler continued; "Well -i'm here to tell you - we brought in Elise Mandelbaum - closed the door - and within fifteen minutes this guy was screaming for his Momma!
And - when Mrs. Mandelbaum gave him another dose of "you no good lazy worthless bum - get a job - your'e poor wife should have married a Jewish Doctor - you failure - you fat weak spineless lazy loser ..... on and on......."
"Well - this guy begged for a map and a pointer and said he would give us everything we wanted - if only she would shut up!"
"I mean - she saved us hundreds - maybe thousands of lives! You gotta understand - it's hard enough for an American to deal with this kind of nagging - but - these Muslims have never heard a woman say anything but "Yes Mohammad - anything you want - please kick me or rape me again"
"I mean - here's a guy who has been killing and maiming since he was ten years old - his eyeball is hanging out of the socket and his nuts are sizzling from the electric shocks - and all his teeth have been kicked in and his toes are all mashed up - and he tells us to get fucked!"
"But - twenty minutes with Elise Mandelbaum from Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn N.Y - and he's crying like a baby and giving up his family and friends just to make her shut the fuck up."
"Oh - and get this - i say to Elise - "You have performed a major contribution to your country in the war on terror - you have cracked open one of our toughest Al Quaeda terrorists."
"And she says to me - "Let me tell you Mr. - these Muslims are a bunch of weak babies and i don't understand how you let them get away with all this terror business?"
She concluded, said Himmler; " My Abe Mandelbaum is a weak piece of shit - and he has withstood my nagging for the last twenty years. - And just thank God you don't have terrorists like him running around!"
At this point - the President replied : "Thanks officer Himmler - i want you to recruit a special unit of the most viscious nagging American wives you can find - and you can start with my mother in law -- heh heh heh!"
He reported on the method yesterday - at a briefing of the Joint Chiefs of Staff - which the President and Secretrary of Defense Gates attended.
"Sustained nagging by an American wife - preferably a miserable Jewish housewife (hey and no anti-semitism intended - some of my best friends in the CIA have been driven nuts by nagging waspy wives) - is the most effective torture application that i have witnessed in my thirty years of trying to crack the toughest terrorist nuts around the world!"
He recounted; "Well -- we had this Al Quaeda leader who was sitting on some highly sensitive intel - and he would not give an inch! - We waterboarded him - we crushed his toes with a hammer - we put a pigs snout up his butt ( you know they hate pork) - we lit up his nuts with electrical charges - we put sulphuric acid on his left eyeball -- and then we got rough with this guy -- and NOTHING - he spit at us!"
Officer Himmler continued; "Well -i'm here to tell you - we brought in Elise Mandelbaum - closed the door - and within fifteen minutes this guy was screaming for his Momma!
And - when Mrs. Mandelbaum gave him another dose of "you no good lazy worthless bum - get a job - your'e poor wife should have married a Jewish Doctor - you failure - you fat weak spineless lazy loser ..... on and on......."
"Well - this guy begged for a map and a pointer and said he would give us everything we wanted - if only she would shut up!"
"I mean - she saved us hundreds - maybe thousands of lives! You gotta understand - it's hard enough for an American to deal with this kind of nagging - but - these Muslims have never heard a woman say anything but "Yes Mohammad - anything you want - please kick me or rape me again"
"I mean - here's a guy who has been killing and maiming since he was ten years old - his eyeball is hanging out of the socket and his nuts are sizzling from the electric shocks - and all his teeth have been kicked in and his toes are all mashed up - and he tells us to get fucked!"
"But - twenty minutes with Elise Mandelbaum from Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn N.Y - and he's crying like a baby and giving up his family and friends just to make her shut the fuck up."
"Oh - and get this - i say to Elise - "You have performed a major contribution to your country in the war on terror - you have cracked open one of our toughest Al Quaeda terrorists."
"And she says to me - "Let me tell you Mr. - these Muslims are a bunch of weak babies and i don't understand how you let them get away with all this terror business?"
She concluded, said Himmler; " My Abe Mandelbaum is a weak piece of shit - and he has withstood my nagging for the last twenty years. - And just thank God you don't have terrorists like him running around!"
At this point - the President replied : "Thanks officer Himmler - i want you to recruit a special unit of the most viscious nagging American wives you can find - and you can start with my mother in law -- heh heh heh!"
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Tow Lanes Would Eliminate Gas Crisis
With the designation of "Towing Lanes" on America's highways -- SUV's and non commercial trucks would be required to tow a minimum of four cars behind them.
The towed cars would pay a pro-rated shared gas fee based on miles towed to the towing vehicles . - Fuel economy would soar - and carbon emissions would drop out of sight!
And - owners of mid and full size cars would have the option of participating -- pulling cars according to their tow capacity.
A minimum requirement to enter the tow lane would be one vehicle for a mid size car - and two for a car over 2,500 lbs. (but under 4,00 lbs.) - when the minimum of five cars would kick in.
Digibandit automative reporter Elise Mandelbaum presented the idea to Governor Arnold Schwartzenneger of Gollyvornia - who was attending a press conference in lush Pine Mountain village (where he was attending the presentation of a bronze statue from the World Lush Association to the local market which sold more liquor than any store on Earth (per capita) in 2oo7.
The Governor stated;"Did iss an ideeya dat is vorth loooking at! - Wiz my giant Mercury SUV i could probably pull zix or zeven kaars down the 5 freeway back to Los Angeleeees?"
"I am gonna try it dis afternoon right after the presentation - oh look at the statue! -It's a drunken peasant lying on the ground in what kut be my little village in Austria - everyone should come and Zee it in front of the Pine Mountain General Store:
In Pine Mountain Golllyvornia."
'But be careful driving through the willage - these folks are world champion lushes!"
The towed cars would pay a pro-rated shared gas fee based on miles towed to the towing vehicles . - Fuel economy would soar - and carbon emissions would drop out of sight!
And - owners of mid and full size cars would have the option of participating -- pulling cars according to their tow capacity.
A minimum requirement to enter the tow lane would be one vehicle for a mid size car - and two for a car over 2,500 lbs. (but under 4,00 lbs.) - when the minimum of five cars would kick in.
Digibandit automative reporter Elise Mandelbaum presented the idea to Governor Arnold Schwartzenneger of Gollyvornia - who was attending a press conference in lush Pine Mountain village (where he was attending the presentation of a bronze statue from the World Lush Association to the local market which sold more liquor than any store on Earth (per capita) in 2oo7.
The Governor stated;"Did iss an ideeya dat is vorth loooking at! - Wiz my giant Mercury SUV i could probably pull zix or zeven kaars down the 5 freeway back to Los Angeleeees?"
"I am gonna try it dis afternoon right after the presentation - oh look at the statue! -It's a drunken peasant lying on the ground in what kut be my little village in Austria - everyone should come and Zee it in front of the Pine Mountain General Store:
In Pine Mountain Golllyvornia."
'But be careful driving through the willage - these folks are world champion lushes!"
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Dickless Male Era - Response to Evolution of The "Super Cunts"
Hooray for the little woman! - Congrats to all the modern gals! - Three cheers for all the chicks and liberated babes!
Goodbye sexual inequality - so long job discrimination - adios traditionally stereotypical - and opressive behavior models for the girlies!
Welcome to the beginning of the "Dickless Male" era.
Yep - it didn't take long for Darwin's -"Descent with modification -and survival of the fittest" process to kick in:
"The new "Dickless Male" -with his reduced sex drive and balls free mind set and physiognomy will be biologically prepared for life in the fast evolving revolutionary epoch of the "Super Cunts." -said Dr. Moshe Pipick - head evolutionary biologist with the Universal Darwinian Institute - in Berne, Switzerland.
He stated; "Some men are beginning to react to the "Super Cunt" emergemce by becoming emotionally destabilized and are beginning to engage in violent anti - cunty behavior."
"This behavior which threatens the survival of the human race is resulting in an enhanced genetic pool of males who have lower testosterone levels ( with smaller dicks and balls) and who adapt to the Super Cunts without destroying them." - said Dr. Pipick.
Bandit biology reporter - Marta Goldberg asked Dr. Pipick:
"But won't the new "Dickless Males" be unable to conjugate with the "Super Cunts"? - therebye thwarting evolution and the survival of the species?"
The Dr. replied' " Excellent point and that will be true over time - during which the "Super Cunts" will evolve into egg layers."
Chicks will Rule! -- At last!
Congratulations
Goodbye sexual inequality - so long job discrimination - adios traditionally stereotypical - and opressive behavior models for the girlies!
Welcome to the beginning of the "Dickless Male" era.
Yep - it didn't take long for Darwin's -"Descent with modification -and survival of the fittest" process to kick in:
"The new "Dickless Male" -with his reduced sex drive and balls free mind set and physiognomy will be biologically prepared for life in the fast evolving revolutionary epoch of the "Super Cunts." -said Dr. Moshe Pipick - head evolutionary biologist with the Universal Darwinian Institute - in Berne, Switzerland.
He stated; "Some men are beginning to react to the "Super Cunt" emergemce by becoming emotionally destabilized and are beginning to engage in violent anti - cunty behavior."
"This behavior which threatens the survival of the human race is resulting in an enhanced genetic pool of males who have lower testosterone levels ( with smaller dicks and balls) and who adapt to the Super Cunts without destroying them." - said Dr. Pipick.
Bandit biology reporter - Marta Goldberg asked Dr. Pipick:
"But won't the new "Dickless Males" be unable to conjugate with the "Super Cunts"? - therebye thwarting evolution and the survival of the species?"
The Dr. replied' " Excellent point and that will be true over time - during which the "Super Cunts" will evolve into egg layers."
Chicks will Rule! -- At last!
Congratulations
captured Muslim Terror Suspects Should Be Tortured By Nagging American Wives
Muslims treat their women like dogs! - As a result they have NO idea how viscious a nagging wife can be -especially a good old fashioned average "American Nagging Wife"(i don't include girlfriend nagging (just as viscious) because Muslims don't have girlfriends - that would imply courtship and options for the women)
So you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."
Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife. For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:
"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been - I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......."
Well - you know the drill.You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less?Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman .
If a Muslim woman were to say even; "Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andd that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.
Imagine if your average American nagging wife laid into him with; -- "Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist - stay out of that smelly Mosque with your faggy friends ......"
At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every house in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.
C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.
So you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."
Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife. For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:
"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been - I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......."
Well - you know the drill.You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less?Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman .
If a Muslim woman were to say even; "Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andd that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.
Imagine if your average American nagging wife laid into him with; -- "Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist - stay out of that smelly Mosque with your faggy friends ......"
At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every house in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.
C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
John Mccaine Challenges Obama To Fight - Calls Him A Pussy
"Iv'e had enough of this twerpy faggots wussy bullshit!" -McCaine was overheard exclaiming to his wife Cyndy - who replied:
"Well John - why don't you just kick his black ass - and show the American people that youv'e still got more nuts at seventy eight than he has at twenty one"
Said a very pissed off Mccaine - "Fuck sakes Cyn - where have you been? - I am seventy five and he is twenty four - don't we have enough problems without you fucking up the math?"
"But your'e right - I'll get him in the ring and knock his dick off in one round - and then folks will see that the only thing he should command is a girl scout troop."
He continued; "Hell -- Jesse Jackson thinks he's an arrogant twerp - and the Rev Sharpton told me he thinks he takes it in the ass!"
"Oooh Lordy !" -exclaimed Cyndy"
I've got McCaine in two.
"Well John - why don't you just kick his black ass - and show the American people that youv'e still got more nuts at seventy eight than he has at twenty one"
Said a very pissed off Mccaine - "Fuck sakes Cyn - where have you been? - I am seventy five and he is twenty four - don't we have enough problems without you fucking up the math?"
"But your'e right - I'll get him in the ring and knock his dick off in one round - and then folks will see that the only thing he should command is a girl scout troop."
He continued; "Hell -- Jesse Jackson thinks he's an arrogant twerp - and the Rev Sharpton told me he thinks he takes it in the ass!"
"Oooh Lordy !" -exclaimed Cyndy"
I've got McCaine in two.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
President To Use Hollwood Talent To Stop Islamofascism
Now listen up Mr. President because the digibandit is gonna save your legacy and maybe the whole darn world!
You get Steven Spielberg - Peter Jackson - James Cameron - David Copperfield and George Lucas in a room together.You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"
"We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable" "
"And -- you will state the message as follows:""Hello it's me -- Mohammad! -- I'm speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah - and effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ."
" Furthermore -- You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers -- enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran." -
The message will then conclude as follows:"Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- "What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise ypu promised me?"
Mr. President. you must remind this esteemed creative team that; "These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"
"And -- when the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over!"
"And you will all receive The medal Of Freedom -- And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project -- And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!"
"Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!"
You get Steven Spielberg - Peter Jackson - James Cameron - David Copperfield and George Lucas in a room together.You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"
"We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable" "
"And -- you will state the message as follows:""Hello it's me -- Mohammad! -- I'm speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah - and effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ."
" Furthermore -- You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers -- enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran." -
The message will then conclude as follows:"Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- "What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise ypu promised me?"
Mr. President. you must remind this esteemed creative team that; "These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"
"And -- when the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over!"
"And you will all receive The medal Of Freedom -- And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project -- And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!"
"Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!"
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Homelesness - War - Plague - Famine - Terror - Great For Planet - say's Al Gore
Thursday, July 24, 2008
"Homeless people have a tiny carbon imprint - and an increase of twenty percent in homeless Americans would be like taking ten million cars off the streets" said Al Gore at a world conference on planet warming in Helsinki today.
He further stated; " American economic conditions should drive another eleven to thirteen million people into homelesness over the next three years which is a tremendous gift to the Planet."
"And with current projections for world wide plague and famine and water deprivation -- and deaths from poor air quality in India and China -- along with HIV and general slaughter in Sub Saharan Africa :
We think the Polar Bear might just find himself back on solid ground by 2015"
He concluded ; "And all of that " destructive sociological carbon reduction" ( or DSCR as wer'e now calling it) -coupled with industrial world carbon reduction efforts - along with scientific progress --- might just result in a long term world wide carbon deficiency problem?"
"And goodbye plants and trees!" heh heh heh
"Homeless people have a tiny carbon imprint - and an increase of twenty percent in homeless Americans would be like taking ten million cars off the streets" said Al Gore at a world conference on planet warming in Helsinki today.
He further stated; " American economic conditions should drive another eleven to thirteen million people into homelesness over the next three years which is a tremendous gift to the Planet."
"And with current projections for world wide plague and famine and water deprivation -- and deaths from poor air quality in India and China -- along with HIV and general slaughter in Sub Saharan Africa :
We think the Polar Bear might just find himself back on solid ground by 2015"
He concluded ; "And all of that " destructive sociological carbon reduction" ( or DSCR as wer'e now calling it) -coupled with industrial world carbon reduction efforts - along with scientific progress --- might just result in a long term world wide carbon deficiency problem?"
"And goodbye plants and trees!" heh heh heh
Increase In Homeless People Is Good For The Planet Says Al Gore
"Homeless people have a tiny carbon imprint - and an increase of twenty percent in homeless Americans would be like taking ten million cars off the streets" said Al Gore at a world conference on planet warming in Helsinki today.
He further stated; " American economic conditions should drive another eleven to thirteen million people into homelesness over the next three years which is a tremendous gift to the Planet."
'And with current projections for plague and famine and water deprivation and deaths from poor air quality in India and China -- along with HIV and general slaughter in Sub Saharan Africa - we think the Polar bear might just find himself back on solid ground by 2015"
He concluded ; "And all of this "sociological carbon reduction" (as wer'e now calling it) -coupled with industrial world carbon reduction efforts - along with scientific progress --- might just result in a long term world wide carbon deficiency problem?"
"And goodbye plants and trees!" heh heh heh
He further stated; " American economic conditions should drive another eleven to thirteen million people into homelesness over the next three years which is a tremendous gift to the Planet."
'And with current projections for plague and famine and water deprivation and deaths from poor air quality in India and China -- along with HIV and general slaughter in Sub Saharan Africa - we think the Polar bear might just find himself back on solid ground by 2015"
He concluded ; "And all of this "sociological carbon reduction" (as wer'e now calling it) -coupled with industrial world carbon reduction efforts - along with scientific progress --- might just result in a long term world wide carbon deficiency problem?"
"And goodbye plants and trees!" heh heh heh
Sunday, July 20, 2008
McDonalds To Sell Puppy McNuggets During Olympics
Sounds farfetched? - Well the big greedy corporations are so busy kissing Chinese assholes that it shouldn't surprise ya if they agreed to market a tasty Chinese delicacy - doggie meat!
"China, already the world’s second-largest advertising market, after the United States, is a dream for consumer product companies. “For most international brands here, China is the growth market for the next 10 years,” said Jonathan Chajet, strategic director at Interbrand, which consults on brands.
I guess nobody gives a shit about the genocide in Darfur or Robert Mugabe's unabated reign of terrror - or those psycho generals in Myannamar -- all of which the Chinese think is no ones business but their own - or Tibet -- or .............
Oh what's the use......
The multinational corporations would sell their mothers for an increase in market share and the Chinese could sell frozen aborted female placentas and no one would say boo!
You average folks all are too busy figuring out how to keep shopping --now that the financial shysters have just about squeezed you dry -- to give a shit about anything important. (like a boycott of some of these corporate monstors)
And the Chinese are laughing their asses off at us Western pussies who they will soon push out of the front row --on the world stage.
Enjoy the Olympics!
"China, already the world’s second-largest advertising market, after the United States, is a dream for consumer product companies. “For most international brands here, China is the growth market for the next 10 years,” said Jonathan Chajet, strategic director at Interbrand, which consults on brands.
I guess nobody gives a shit about the genocide in Darfur or Robert Mugabe's unabated reign of terrror - or those psycho generals in Myannamar -- all of which the Chinese think is no ones business but their own - or Tibet -- or .............
Oh what's the use......
The multinational corporations would sell their mothers for an increase in market share and the Chinese could sell frozen aborted female placentas and no one would say boo!
You average folks all are too busy figuring out how to keep shopping --now that the financial shysters have just about squeezed you dry -- to give a shit about anything important. (like a boycott of some of these corporate monstors)
And the Chinese are laughing their asses off at us Western pussies who they will soon push out of the front row --on the world stage.
Enjoy the Olympics!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Fox TV Announces "Smarter Than A Cock?" -With Britney Spears
Fox TV -- which continues to knock reality show hits out of the park with shows like "Hell's Kitchen" and "Smarter Than A Fifth Grader" -- is kicking it up a notch!
Irwin Bloomis head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."
"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.
The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"
To which Bloomis responded ;"Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids."Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat A Chink Fifth Grader?"
Oh - and the choice of Britney as host? -"Who can handle cocks better than her" - said Mr. Bloomis.
Irwin Bloomis head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."
"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.
The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"
To which Bloomis responded ;"Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids."Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat A Chink Fifth Grader?"
Oh - and the choice of Britney as host? -"Who can handle cocks better than her" - said Mr. Bloomis.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Jesus Died For The Jews Not The Goyim
JERUSALEM — A three-foot-tall tablet with 87 lines of Hebrew that scholars believe dates from the decades just before the birth of Jesus is causing a quiet stir in biblical and archaeological circles, especially because it may speak of a messiah who will rise from the dead after three days.
If such a messianic description really is there, it will contribute to a developing re-evaluation of both popular and scholarly views of Jesus, since it suggests that the story of his death and resurrection was not unique but part of a recognized Jewish tradition at the time.
“Resurrection after three days becomes a motif developed before Jesus, which runs contrary to nearly all scholarship. What happens in the New Testament was adopted by Jesus and his followers based on an earlier messiah story.”
"This gives the Last Supper an absolutely different meaning. To shed blood is not for the sins of people but to bring redemption to Israel.”
So poor Jesus died for the Jews -- and now we know that Paul - the biblical equivalent of Karl Roves - spun his crucifiction into a religion that labeled them as "Christ killers"
Wow - what irony!
but jesus knows!
If such a messianic description really is there, it will contribute to a developing re-evaluation of both popular and scholarly views of Jesus, since it suggests that the story of his death and resurrection was not unique but part of a recognized Jewish tradition at the time.
“Resurrection after three days becomes a motif developed before Jesus, which runs contrary to nearly all scholarship. What happens in the New Testament was adopted by Jesus and his followers based on an earlier messiah story.”
"This gives the Last Supper an absolutely different meaning. To shed blood is not for the sins of people but to bring redemption to Israel.”
So poor Jesus died for the Jews -- and now we know that Paul - the biblical equivalent of Karl Roves - spun his crucifiction into a religion that labeled them as "Christ killers"
Wow - what irony!
but jesus knows!
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Aircraft Carrier nets To be Used In Williams Tennis Match
Serena Williams Scared The Shit Out OF Russians At Wimbledon
(first reported at last year's wimbledon)
Those tall leggy Russian tennis players who Serena Williams defeated at Wimbledon complained to the British Tennis Society today; "I was constantly afraid that she would rip through the net and trample me like a giant black Rhinocerous" said Elenya Smyrynosposkayovich after losing to Williams ,whose nickname is Gevaltnegtuckismaya --which means "A giant black ass rolling down a hill" in Russian.
The head of the British safety committee said they were going to install special tennis nets with safety features to prevent Serena from ploughing right on through when she thunders up to the net; "Our tests have shown, said Sir Arthur Cornwitz, that a woman of her size -- with those enormous buttocks and ham hocks and traveling at high speed with those huge black breasts thrusting out like twin battering rams -- could plow through the standard net and take out not only her opponent, but the line referee -- two or three ball retrievers and approximately seven spectators in the first row of the center court."
He continued; "We approached the head of engineering for the Royal Navy and they have devised a protective system similar to the ones used on British aircraft carriers to stop our planes from crashing through and into the ocean -- but Admiral Sir Meyer Pinsky Captain of the battle carrier HMS Horatio Nelson expressed his concern; "Having seen the thrusting power of this amazing amazon on the courts -- I'm not sure if the jet nets will hold her."
When confronted with the dilemma Serena said; "Yep --the only thing that might hold me back is those big fine loin chops of maybe Shaq O'Neal? -- and i wouldn't bet on it if i was you --butt (heh heh) i sure would like to test his burly black ass!"
(first reported at last year's wimbledon)
Those tall leggy Russian tennis players who Serena Williams defeated at Wimbledon complained to the British Tennis Society today; "I was constantly afraid that she would rip through the net and trample me like a giant black Rhinocerous" said Elenya Smyrynosposkayovich after losing to Williams ,whose nickname is Gevaltnegtuckismaya --which means "A giant black ass rolling down a hill" in Russian.
The head of the British safety committee said they were going to install special tennis nets with safety features to prevent Serena from ploughing right on through when she thunders up to the net; "Our tests have shown, said Sir Arthur Cornwitz, that a woman of her size -- with those enormous buttocks and ham hocks and traveling at high speed with those huge black breasts thrusting out like twin battering rams -- could plow through the standard net and take out not only her opponent, but the line referee -- two or three ball retrievers and approximately seven spectators in the first row of the center court."
He continued; "We approached the head of engineering for the Royal Navy and they have devised a protective system similar to the ones used on British aircraft carriers to stop our planes from crashing through and into the ocean -- but Admiral Sir Meyer Pinsky Captain of the battle carrier HMS Horatio Nelson expressed his concern; "Having seen the thrusting power of this amazing amazon on the courts -- I'm not sure if the jet nets will hold her."
When confronted with the dilemma Serena said; "Yep --the only thing that might hold me back is those big fine loin chops of maybe Shaq O'Neal? -- and i wouldn't bet on it if i was you --butt (heh heh) i sure would like to test his burly black ass!"
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Best Torture For Muslim Extremists - Nagging American Wives
Muslims treat their women like dogs! - As a result they have NO idea how viscious a nagging wife can be -especially a good old fashioned average "American Nagging Wife"(i don't include girlfriend nagging (just as viscious) because Muslims don't have girlfriends - that would imply courtship and options for the women)
So ou put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."
Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been =I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......." Well - you know the drill.
You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less?Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even; "Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andd that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.
How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......
"At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.
C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.
So ou put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."
Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been =I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......." Well - you know the drill.
You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less?Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even; "Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andd that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.
How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......
"At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.
C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Fox Announces "Dancing with The Cars"
Outbidding Spike and YuTv and the Discovery channel – Fox Television announced today that it has acquired world-wide production and distribution rights to “Dancing With The Cars” from “What Hump?” productions.
Standing on a busy overpas of the 495 freeway in Los angeles – Hymen Berkowitz, president of Fox Tv and Dave Nelson –head of “What Hump?” – spoke with Digibandit Hollywood reporter, Elise Clitbloom.
“This revolutionary concept combines elements of “Dances with Wolves” and “Dancing With The Stars” -- in that professional dance teams will compete while dodging cars on one of the busiest amd most dangerous highways in the world.” Said Hymen berkowitz.
“Doing the Mambo in an air conditioned studio is like eating pussy next to Mamboing on the 495 with road raging Angelenos traveling bumper to bumper at ninety miles per hour across six lanes of traffic in the smog and sweltering heat.” -- said Nelson.
‘Aren’t you worried about injuries?” -asked Clitbloom.
They replied -- “NO”
Standing on a busy overpas of the 495 freeway in Los angeles – Hymen Berkowitz, president of Fox Tv and Dave Nelson –head of “What Hump?” – spoke with Digibandit Hollywood reporter, Elise Clitbloom.
“This revolutionary concept combines elements of “Dances with Wolves” and “Dancing With The Stars” -- in that professional dance teams will compete while dodging cars on one of the busiest amd most dangerous highways in the world.” Said Hymen berkowitz.
“Doing the Mambo in an air conditioned studio is like eating pussy next to Mamboing on the 495 with road raging Angelenos traveling bumper to bumper at ninety miles per hour across six lanes of traffic in the smog and sweltering heat.” -- said Nelson.
‘Aren’t you worried about injuries?” -asked Clitbloom.
They replied -- “NO”
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Fox Announces - 'Old Demented People Borrowers"
Taking their lead from NBC’s new hit reality series “Baby Borrowers” – the savy and socially commited programmers at Fox Television announced the introduction of “Old Demented People Borrowers” into their fall prime time lineup.
Fox TV head – Hymen Yenta said at a press conference in the Hollywood home for the aged today; “ The old folks you see here are a sample of the demented and incompetent folks who will be available for “borrowing” by middle age couples who will get the chance to hone their nurturing skills in preparation for that imminent time when their own parents will become demented.”
“It’s a win win situation all around” he said – “The families of the “borrowed” will receive a hefty payment to defray their nursing home costs and the “borrowers”will get training and experience in preparation for handling their own –soon to become demented parents.”
Bandit Hollywood reporter Lisa Clitowsky asked Mr. Yenta, “So Hymen – what’s in it for the “borrowed” folks?”
He replied; “They don’t know what’s up anyway Lisa –at least they won’t get slapped around by those black male nurses for a while.”
Looks like another winner from Fox television!
Fox TV head – Hymen Yenta said at a press conference in the Hollywood home for the aged today; “ The old folks you see here are a sample of the demented and incompetent folks who will be available for “borrowing” by middle age couples who will get the chance to hone their nurturing skills in preparation for that imminent time when their own parents will become demented.”
“It’s a win win situation all around” he said – “The families of the “borrowed” will receive a hefty payment to defray their nursing home costs and the “borrowers”will get training and experience in preparation for handling their own –soon to become demented parents.”
Bandit Hollywood reporter Lisa Clitowsky asked Mr. Yenta, “So Hymen – what’s in it for the “borrowed” folks?”
He replied; “They don’t know what’s up anyway Lisa –at least they won’t get slapped around by those black male nurses for a while.”
Looks like another winner from Fox television!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Ford Introduces 250 gallon Fuel Tank On New Models
Ford VP of engineering - Dr, Hymen Goldfarb -announced today:
"With the price of gas increasing steadily -and with no relief in sight - Ford is allowing buyers of their 2010 autos and trucks - the option of buying up to 250 gallons at a time on all standard models -and up to 1.000 gallons with it's biggest suv's and trucks."
He stated, "At Ford we wanted folks to get some hedge against spiraling fuel costs -if you fill er up today at say five bucks a gallon - and in a month it would cost you say six bucks -well - that's a thousand dollar savings if youv'e got our "Jumbo 1,000 Sports Tanker."
Digibandit automotive reporter - Myrna Cuntwich asked Dr. Hymen "But doesn't carrying that much fuel create the potential for huge and disastrous explosions ?"
He replied -- "Yes!"
"With the price of gas increasing steadily -and with no relief in sight - Ford is allowing buyers of their 2010 autos and trucks - the option of buying up to 250 gallons at a time on all standard models -and up to 1.000 gallons with it's biggest suv's and trucks."
He stated, "At Ford we wanted folks to get some hedge against spiraling fuel costs -if you fill er up today at say five bucks a gallon - and in a month it would cost you say six bucks -well - that's a thousand dollar savings if youv'e got our "Jumbo 1,000 Sports Tanker."
Digibandit automotive reporter - Myrna Cuntwich asked Dr. Hymen "But doesn't carrying that much fuel create the potential for huge and disastrous explosions ?"
He replied -- "Yes!"
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Priests Should Be Casrated After Taking Final Vows
They won't need their nuts anymore anyway - and a lot of children will be saved from getting ravaged by the hordes of queer priests at "Club Vatican"
And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex lives - the Church is a haven for fruit cakes who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk their prey.
And -as we have found out - Your local Church has provided a fertile hunting ground with tens of thousands of victims - lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less).
And if you think it's not business as usual in the "God want's me to put my staff in your mouth" business - then you must be delusional!
You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Jessica Simpson walks into his bedroom naked.
So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queers into "Club Vatican."
Oh -and not to worry --God will keep their nuts safe until they get to Heaven.
And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex lives - the Church is a haven for fruit cakes who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk their prey.
And -as we have found out - Your local Church has provided a fertile hunting ground with tens of thousands of victims - lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less).
And if you think it's not business as usual in the "God want's me to put my staff in your mouth" business - then you must be delusional!
You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Jessica Simpson walks into his bedroom naked.
So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queers into "Club Vatican."
Oh -and not to worry --God will keep their nuts safe until they get to Heaven.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Fox Announces- "America's Most Talented Folks on Medication"
Think -‘American idol” meets “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest”
Most of the population (across all demographic groups) is now taking drugs –or a combination of them:
Kids are line up at their summer camps to get their daily doses of Ritalin - mom and dad are taking bi-polar meds and woofing down pain killers and booze and alcohol - teenagers are basically walking pharmaceutical test laboratories - granny and pop pop need refrigerator sized medicine cabinets – and then there are the heavy duty schitzos and paranoids and severely manic and depressed -who with modern pschotropics get along (almost).
And – many of these folks have talent!
They can sing and dance and tell jokes! (juggling, knife throwing –high wire and other circus related activities will not be included).
These varied medicated conditions will provide the audience with a most refreshing and unique entertainment perspective and experience.
Nobody can sing the rthyme and blues or dance the polka like a medicated manic depressive - and nothing enhances a stand up routine like Alzheimer’s (you get the picture I’m sure).
Judging will take into consideration the level and intensity of the individual performers medication (which will be identified graphically in a lower third screen format):
Example --- Gene nelson from Yonkers New York will sing “Im Still Standing” by Elton John while performing a tai chi routine and is currently taking 300 milligrams of prosac – 100 of Valium and ten milligrams of lithium.
Talent judges will all be celebrities who are currently in rehab and heavily medicated themselves (in order to fully appreciate and fairly evaluate the medicated performances)
All contestantswill of course be drug tested to make sure they are not drug free,
Stay tuned!
Most of the population (across all demographic groups) is now taking drugs –or a combination of them:
Kids are line up at their summer camps to get their daily doses of Ritalin - mom and dad are taking bi-polar meds and woofing down pain killers and booze and alcohol - teenagers are basically walking pharmaceutical test laboratories - granny and pop pop need refrigerator sized medicine cabinets – and then there are the heavy duty schitzos and paranoids and severely manic and depressed -who with modern pschotropics get along (almost).
And – many of these folks have talent!
They can sing and dance and tell jokes! (juggling, knife throwing –high wire and other circus related activities will not be included).
These varied medicated conditions will provide the audience with a most refreshing and unique entertainment perspective and experience.
Nobody can sing the rthyme and blues or dance the polka like a medicated manic depressive - and nothing enhances a stand up routine like Alzheimer’s (you get the picture I’m sure).
Judging will take into consideration the level and intensity of the individual performers medication (which will be identified graphically in a lower third screen format):
Example --- Gene nelson from Yonkers New York will sing “Im Still Standing” by Elton John while performing a tai chi routine and is currently taking 300 milligrams of prosac – 100 of Valium and ten milligrams of lithium.
Talent judges will all be celebrities who are currently in rehab and heavily medicated themselves (in order to fully appreciate and fairly evaluate the medicated performances)
All contestantswill of course be drug tested to make sure they are not drug free,
Stay tuned!
Friday, May 30, 2008
People Who Kill Wolves Would Kill a Jew -No Problem
Sadly, in Idaho, wolves are nothing more than another game animal to be managed for the benefit of human hunters.
Beginning on Sept. 15, any Idaho hunter with a hunting license and $10.50 for a wolf tag will be entitled to shoot one wolf, at least until the quota of dead wolves in his region has been reached. And how will a hunter know if the local quota has been reached? There will be a hot line, of course/
A beatiful sentient social pack animal - genetic monarch of our beloved dogs - a magnificent symbol of beauty and freedom and the power and glory of our shrinking natural world;
Slaughtered by pscho red necks morons -for what?
These same sickos would eagerly purchase a game tag for the pure pleasure of shooting a "Wild Jew" -or any person of color.
How in the fuck can we let these pathetic sub humans roam among us with guns and liscences to kill for the pure pleasure of their demented egos?
Call your elected representatives - do something!
Beginning on Sept. 15, any Idaho hunter with a hunting license and $10.50 for a wolf tag will be entitled to shoot one wolf, at least until the quota of dead wolves in his region has been reached. And how will a hunter know if the local quota has been reached? There will be a hot line, of course/
A beatiful sentient social pack animal - genetic monarch of our beloved dogs - a magnificent symbol of beauty and freedom and the power and glory of our shrinking natural world;
Slaughtered by pscho red necks morons -for what?
These same sickos would eagerly purchase a game tag for the pure pleasure of shooting a "Wild Jew" -or any person of color.
How in the fuck can we let these pathetic sub humans roam among us with guns and liscences to kill for the pure pleasure of their demented egos?
Call your elected representatives - do something!
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