xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Fox TV Announces "Smarter Than A Cock?" -With Britney Spears

Fox TV -- which continues to knock reality show hits out of the park with shows like "Hell's Toilet" and "Smarter Than A Guido" -- is kicking it up a notch!


Moishe Pipick - head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."

"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.

The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"

To which Pipick responded ;"Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids."Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat An Arab Religious Leader"

Oh - and the choice of Britney as host? -"Who can handle cocks better than her" - said Mr.Pipick.


Friday, January 22, 2010

Japanese Woman Gives Birth To Giant Squid

In another horrible example of the dramatic and disastrous changes taking place in the environment:


"Shinsuji Takamashaya gave birth to a twenty pound Giant Squid on the tiny Japanese atoll of Fonguyutu" - said Doctor Myashkenazi, an internist and genetic biologist with Japan's National Institute of Eco and Womb Research.

The human squid is considered to be sent by the God's in Taost tradition and will be reared by Japanese Monks in a sacred salt water tank .

Japan's Royal Monarch decreed an end to Whale hunting saying " This birth is a sign from the Nature Gods -- they are clearly pissed and we do not need to see a generation of human sushi appear in Japan."

Pat Robertson said " It's God's punishment of a pagan people who do not believe in our Jesus."

PS -- TheSquid's father was last seen rowing out to Sea and cannot be found -- he left a note; " How can i be a father to a Giant Squid?"

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Elderly Jewish Women Break Walking Record

Barbara Lurie and Berta Munchengrappen have broken the long distance Jewish Women walking record in the over 85 category.


National Jewish Women's walking director,Mollie Ginsberg stated today :

"Relying on an exclusive diet of kosher pickles and stuffed cabbage,they walked 50 miles (25 times around the perimeter of Century Village in West Palm Beach Florida) in 12 hours and 22 minutes. -- they are a model of strength and fortitude for all of us".

The women in accepting their award said they where in a hurry to get to a Mahjong game but sent regards to their Grandchildren "who never call us -- so we keep busy by walking"

Asked how they would spend their award money:

Berta said she would get a hearing aid and Barbara said "What"

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Teapublicans Coming To A Neighborhood Near You

Following are the issues important to so called Teapublicans - and if potential Republican candidates don't pass the test they don't get on the ballot: .

Will you pledge to vote against tax increases, even hidden taxes like those in health care reform? Should corporate executives who encourage illegal immigrants to stay because it is good for business be hauled off to jail? Do you believe manmade pollution is a significant contributor toglobal warming? (“I don’t necessarily think there’s been global warming,” one candidate objected.)

Each was asked to define the 10th Amendment, and to cite examples of where it “might have been violated.” “It’s my favorite amendment in the Constitution,” exclaimed one candidate, Ira Hoffman. “I can’t believe it!”

The amendment declares that powers not granted to the federal government by the Constitution are reserved to the states or the people, and Tea Party activists hold that Congress has overstepped its bounds, particularly by legislating health care. So candidates were asked whether they would support efforts to nullify the health care bill?

SOOO -these fucking right wing Republican neanderthals with their Republican gun toting Tea Party Militias are taking over the Republican Party - AND -the Democrats Party leaders are thinking "This is the death knell for The Republicans for sure"

Well it ain't shaping up thataway folks - latest indicators are that the torches are being lit and the pitchfork's are coming out of the garages -AND -the great unwashed masses are on the move -and life ain't looking so rosy in our shortlived Progressive Democratic respite from Bushville.

Never you mind that the bailout saved the country - and if taxes are not raised local governments will be in virtual collapse -and the Feds HAVE to raise taxes to cover entitlements and reduce deficits and that Health Care Reform is absolutely essential -and that Global Warming is already at a calamitous level:

The ignorant rednecks are fired up BIG TIME ! And sound thinking and clarity ain't exactly their major strengths.

AND -There's an old saying about how any Nation is just two missed meals away from anarchy.

There's a lot of hungry folks out there! -And the good ole USA is up to it's eyeballs in shit!

AND -thats why Obama's initiative to tax the BANKS and WALL STREET and get back ALL the bailout money - is so critical!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fox Announces –Weekend at Bernie’s –With Ruth Madoff

Fox TV president Mike Schlocknell said today –in a press conference at the posh LA eatery - Morton’s ; “This is gonna be bigger than Idol!”

Think of it as “Weekend At Bernie’s” threeha ha ha - I mean we originally were gonna call it “Weekends With Bernie at Butner. NC Federal Detention Center” – But – this is so much hipper with it’s reference to those two iconic Bernie movies -and like them – this is kinda like a dark comedy “

He continued; ‘I met with Ruth Madoff (who bye the way is still kinda hot) and when she swept into Palm Beach last month to meet with me and discuss this show concept with a quintet of girlfriends, her $7,500 Birkin bag dangling, and with her husband’s 74-year-old sister, who was ruined by Bernie’s scam, who is now watering plants and driving people to the airport just to make ends meet:

I knew we had the beginnings of a winner!

I mean broken victims owed millions in her husband's suspected Ponzi scheme are fighting for pennies on the dollar, butRuth Madoff says $62 million she squirreled away is none of their business.

Ruthy has an E. 64th St. apartment, valued at $7 million, as well as $45 million in municipal bonds controlled by Cohmad Securities and $17 million in aWachovia account.

.Ruth Madoff has never been criminally charged in her husband's alleged fraud, but federal investigators continue to probe others who may have had a hand in a$50 billion Ponzi scheme that's been called the largest in the nation's history.”

Schlocknell continued:”And –she knows where ALL the bodies are buried! - Just think of the drama as she sits with Bernie –shows family videos – talks with Bernie’s two hated sons Mark and Andrew ––meets with the victims oye vey i'm having an an orgasm!”

He went on; 'And that stuff is only the beginning of the TV friendly stuff that's gonna GUSH from this show - I mean -this is the stuff that American;s DREAM of watching!"


Schlocknell concluded; "I mean - you talk about schadenfraude - There will be thirty million American's tuned into this show screaming -The fucking Jews finally got it up the ass! -Fuck em! - Look at these two fucking Hebes! - What a fucking Jewish Princess whore that Ruth Madoff is! - Look at that tan on that fucking Jew Madoff will ya! -

Get me another beer Martha! -And tell the kids to shut the fuck up- i can't here what she's saying!"


Monday, January 11, 2010

Fox Tv Announces - "From Fags To Stags" Boot Camp

"You come in as a Homo and leave as a Romeo" says executive producer Moishe Pipick speaking on behalf of Fox Reality Pres.Mike Schlocko who is visiting Bernie Madoff in federal Prison to discuss a potential program.

"Over the course of twelve weeks our drill instructors -who make Victoria Secrets models look like boys -and who in addition to being the greatest pieces of ass on Earth -are also behavioral psychiatrists -will have these homo recruits screwing like a Guido on the Jersey Shore"

Pipick went on; "we will follow them as they convert from "Tuchas Tigers" - into "Snatch Busters" -and we will witness the pride and joy that their families will experience in seeing their transition into happy and fulfilled "Real Men"

"This is another example of Fox Reality TV's commitment to presenting compelling -must watch programs -while simultaneously helping to uplift society."

He concluded; "The one disappointment in the production is that we had to eliminate the Priests from the Boot Camp"

"They were using it to prey (oops a pun) on the recruits and to try and cornhole all the young kids in the area where we where shooting"

He concluded: "If you have a homo friend or family member or are a fagott yourself - call us at 1-800- fag - camp -and start the New Year on top (get it?)

Fox TV Announces " Drunken Irish Beach House"

"If you think MTV's "Jersey Shore," starring the "hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos" around as they wade (carefully) through the (dirty) water and step (gingerly) on the (needle-ridden) sand on their way to down Jagerbombs -- is the stuff that hits are made from -just wait until you see what a drunken group of "Micks" are up to when they frolic in THEIR beach house in Sea Gate NJ (AKA The Irish Riviera) -on the Southern Jersey Shore."


So said Mike Schlocker President of Fox Tv Reality -he continued:


"Hey -no matter how raunchy and macho crazed and out of control the Wops are -they they are still the descendents of the folks who conquered the known world and pulled Europe out of the Dark Ages and gave us DaVinci and Michaelangelo - and even the guy who DISCOVERED The Jersey Sre!"


Schlocker went on "These wops always maintain a modicum of culture and family and even decency in their overall behavior -and they can all cook like Chefs and deep down (no matter how fucked up they get) -- they respect women because well -they all have Grandmothers like Mother Theresa and fathers like Michael Corleone.


He said "BUT -the white trash Micks have absolutely NO sense of propriety or even humanity after their first case of beer!"(82%of ther fathers are alcoholics and 68% of their mothers -according to latest research polls)


'I mean - A Wop might get into a fight and slap his chick and tear up the joint -but then he settles down with a nice espresso and some anisette- smokes a camel and takes his chick to bed and fucks her like a Stallion"


"BUT - With the Mick drunkards it's just non stop puking and breaking shit and then out looking for Jews and Blacks and Homos to beat up -and then it's home for more puking -and then they fall asleep while their girlfriends go out to find an Italian to fuck them silly!"


"I mean" continued Schlocker: "Is this not the stuff that great Fox Reality hits are made of?"


"I would say -Yes! -Definitely -and next season how about "Nigga Beach House In ASbury Park"


Saturday, January 09, 2010

Harry Reid A Typical Mormon Racist

WASHINGTON – Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid apologized on Saturday for saying Barack Obama should seek — and could win — the White House because Obama was a "light skinned" African-American

The Mormon's didn't even allow blacks into their ridiculous priesthood until 1979!

It is a core ingredient of their screwy bible tale where a dark skinned tribe was responsible for wiping out the light skinned"Good" Mormons -and they have been a racist sect from day one.

They are also anti gay with a passion -and dream of the day when the Gentiles (us) will be annihilated and they can go back to official polygamy - fucking fourteen year old girls to their hearts content.

And they all have that pasty eerie complexion like that asshole Romney which seems to say -"Don't bother me I'm having a conversation with God and I'll have to get back to you on that"

Hey -there are a lot of really fine Mormons - i shouldn't generalize -but eighty percent of them are one step out of the loony bin.

Maybe 84%?

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

"Make The Motha Fucking Islamists Laugh" Tour - Starring Chris Rock

Chris Rock -who will lead the Middle East Tour said today -


"Hey -you show me a country where there is no stand-up Comedy - and i will show you a violent motherfucking stink hole of a place guaranteed. "

He said; "Here's a typical Muslim fundamentalist joke:

" Arak - did you know my cousin blew a Jew? - No! - What You mean Mucak? - Your cousin blew a Jew? He must be killed! - No! No! No! Arak - Heh! Heh! He BLEW him up with fifty other infidels -- hahahahahahahhahahahha"

Rock concluded; "Well wer'e gonna change all that and bring some laughs to these repressed uptight -no laughin motha fuckas. - Me and my friends - and i hope we don't get blown."

I'm a little worried about Robin Williams - like he starts out with "Hey you stinky sand niggas -you all hear the one about the Ayatollah fucking a Camel in the ass and a Jew comes along and..."

"Whoa Robin -you fucking crazy motha fucka" I said - "You gonna get us all raped and beheaded!"

And he says "That ain't shit! -Wait till you hear the stuff that Andrew Dice Clay is gonna lay on these folks - he told me that they have to be shocked into a sense of humor and he is pulling out all the stops!"

Rock continued; "And Whoopie said she's goin for the juglar with the feminist jokes -because you know Whoopie don't go for the Islamo's treatin their chicks like dirt"

"Whoopie said she's got a whole routine about all the Arab Muslims being latent homos and having tiny dicks and shit like that -and she's gonna hand out Ultra Charmin and she thinks once they stop using their hands maybe they will act more gentle"

Rock concluded "Well either they will start laughing or leave to get their guns - in which case - it's adios time for the whole crew -and fuck their smelly nasty homo asses!"

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Tiger Woods Becoming A Mormon

Tiger announced today: " The thing i like about the Mormons -especially the conservative ones -is that with "Plural Marriages" -aka Polygamy -i can get all the pussy i want and it's ok with God as decreed by their founder Joseph Smith"

"It seems that Joseph couldn't keep his dick in his pants (like me heh heh) -only this guy was completely outa control -he had like forty wives he was hiding -so finally he just conjured up another one of his "revelations" -and wammo! - Mormons could start telling all their good looking young family members that they had to marry them and fuck them cause god said so - even if they were only fourteen .

"I mean -now i can get all the hot pussy i want and the sponsors won't care because if it's cool with god - why should they give a shit how much pussy i get?"

"Oh -and get this! -if i knock up some of these wives -i just wait until they are fourteen -and then i can fuck them too!"

Tiger concluded: "If you think I'm making this stuff up i suggest you read "Under The Banner of heaven" by Jon Krakaur- These Mormons are hot stuff"

"And what can you expect from a religion with a horny delusional necromancer for a founder - and with an angel named Moron who gave Joseph Smith a gold bling bible with Egyptian lettering that was buried in America -and THAT is their holy book?"

"When these young Morons come around to your door -just sign up -and get all the free pussy you want -sent directly from God"

Friday, January 01, 2010

New Year's Resolutions

No more hookers or drugs or booze

No more eatting animal protein or ice cream

No more fucking vulgar jokes

No more angry behavior

No more anal sex or analingis

No more lying or cheating or stealing

No more indolence

No more god hating atheism

No more masturbation or porno or cross dressing

No more hatred of Priests - Mullahs -Hunters and Mormons -and Heavy TV Watchers and Ignoramuses and folks with Freckles or any other putrid people

No more fun


Wednesday, December 30, 2009

"Fly Nude Airlines" -Security Guaranteed

Northwest Air announced it's "Fly Nude" Airline Division with a Nude press conference at the beverly Hill's Tanning Center in Los Angeles.

Moishe Pipick head of security for the new venture told the press (while lying in a tanning booth and drinking a Mai Tai):

'Hey -Don't i looked relaxed! -WELL I AM RELAXED! BECAUSE I'M LYING DOWN GETTING A LOVELY TAN AND GETTING LOADED AND THE LAST THING ON MY MIND IS GETTING BLOWN OUT THE WINDOW OF A JETLINER 50 THOUSAND FEET UP IN THE AIR WITH MY WIFE AND KIDS SKYDIVING BEHIND ME"

He continued; "THAT'S the kind of peace and security that's guaranteed on "Fly Nude Air!"

"What about body cavity searches to make sure - well you know?" asked Elise Mandelbaum -digibandit Homeland Security reporter.

Pipick replied: "Passengers will search each other! - Heh Heh
-hey Elise -That's part of the fun on "Fly Nude" -it provides TOTAL security plus it kinda starts the party ball rollin along"

" ps -And you know that no crazy Muslim is gonna take his clothes off anyway -they think nudity is a stoning offense"

"Hey Elise why dontcha strip down and get into the 'Fly Nude" spirit -and i'd love to see your bodacious ta ta's!"

"Okey dokey"

Fox Announces -Dead Relatives With God Videos

Yep -Fox is getting into the Educational Video biz and here's a sample of their first release "Say Hi To Grandpop Up In Heaven"(Grandmom's are next because they live longer) -which is flying off the shelves this holiday season:


Videos can be personalized as follows:

"High my darling grandchildren -This is Granpa Pipick speaking to you from heaven.

'It's so beautiful and peaceful here -and i'm sitting here with God playing a nice game of checkers - and God wants to say hi;

"Hi -this is god and the reason I'm sitting here with Grandpa Pipick playing checkers and sipping iced tea - instead of him roasting for all Eternity in Hell with the Devil -is because he was a good man and he worshipped me."

"So i want you to be very good and worship me blindly no matter how horrible life treats you or how stupid that seems -or you won't get up here and be with your good -God loving loved ones

"And if you're real bad - i might just send Grandpa Pipick down to Hell just to get even. - Now here's your Grandpa again"

"Now kids - you want me to go on living like a King up here in Heaven dontcha? -So don't fuck up and get me sent down with Grandma Pipick and Uncle Abe -in Hell!"

"And the production is so inexpensive" said Elise Mandelbaum President of Fox Video.

She stated; "The religious right loonies will buy these videos by the millions - we received ten thousand videos of grandparents from these nut cases just last week so we can edit them into the finished tapes before they croak"

"Or we can just send the generic version with fake heavenly voices (with provided info re Grandpa) as soon as we receive a deposit of $49.95"

"Hey! _ isn't there a whole new potential market here? -Messages from the dead kinda stuff?" asked digibandit Hollywood reporter Yonah Shimmel.

"heh heh" Laughed Mandelbaum "And a whole new reality show series is in the works:

"Afterlife" starring dead people - playing themselves before they died - Just as if they were still alive "

Fox rules!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Santa Claus Charged With Sodomizing Elves

Santa arrived back in the North Pole after a long night of gift giving to find himself taken into custody by the Polar Police -his Reindeer quarantined and his sled impounded -as hundreds of elves with torches and pitchforks screamed "Santa is a pervert!"

Meyer Lansky the North Pole Chief of Police stated; 'Santa has been taken into custody because of DNA evidence and testimony alleging that he was routinely sodomizing both his.male and female elves - and maybe even his Reindeers?

He said: "And we are asking all parents to watch their children this Christmas day for any evidence of unusual or frightful .behavior"

"For example -If they are afraid to open their presents or cry at the sight of milk and cookies "

"Merry Christmas"

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Pastor Rick Warren Guilty Of Masturbation Genocide

What's that! - The Pastor who presided at Obama's inauguration - Who has the largest Christian Congregation on earth (The Saddleback Church)-Who wrote "The Purpose Driven Life" -which has outsold the Bible:

Guilty of genocide?--- Absolutely and here's why!

He told David Gregory on "Meet The Press" -- "There has been a genocide of sixty million souls - those who have been aborted since the Roe V Wade decision.

OK -so since Ricky equates a women's decision to have some microscopic cells scraped from her uterus- or the early growth of an embryo- both of which represent the "POTENTIAL" for human life - with genocidal murder:

I hence assume he believes that GOD is saying ""Uh Uh Don't fuck with MY zygotes - i gave you humans sperm and eggs and they are to be used for procreation only - or you are guilty of murder -- oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!"

Now for those of us who believe that "LIfe" begins when their is sentience and follow our ethical and moral precepts guided by medical science and common sense and with respect for a women's privacy - well - we are on a plane with Adolph Eichmann and Hitler et.al -and are killing little humans daily .(fortunately in the good ole USA as opposed to Saudi Arabia or even the USA prior to the separation of Church and State)) We heathens don't have to receive our morality direct from the tooth fairy)

Oh -and Ricky boy just stands there and preaches while genocide is occuring all around him - (kinda like the Church did during the lesser Holocaust of a mere six million Jews)

Anyway -back to Pastor Rick's complicity in personal genocidal homicide - BECAUSE - if destroying the POTENTIAL for life (as opposed to the secular view of when LIFE ACTUALLY begins) IS on a moral plain with "MURDER"- in the eyes of GOD -and as Pastor Ricky says :

THEN (ta da) - every time Rick Warren jerked off - he commited "MURDER"-according to the Bible and in the eyes of GOD!

As a million sperm cells carrying the potential for life flew onto his belly - Pastor Rick - Along with all the other murderous masturbating Christians - destroyed the potential for life in the eyes of god:

As surely as did the SS officer who shoved my Aunt Tanta and her three little girls into the ovens at Auswich)

So - first of all Ricky -YOU are going to HELL! -And secondly -you are going to the hottest part of HELL - Because you stood by and watched sixty million human beings being slaughtered since Roe V Wade and did shit!

Oh - and i won't even get into what St. Thomas Aquinas would say about when you good Christians become guilty of such genocide in the eyes of GOD - BUT FYI -It would be when you begin -in good conscience - to plan on how to frustrate the insemination process with your onerous anti ovulation trickery - Which is SO transparent to your God (and REALLY pisses him off)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Final Nail In Republican Coffin

The same group of stinking fat cats and conservatives voted for the Fugitive Slave act - Plessy Ferguson and against all attempted Civil Rights legislation - They tried to block Suffrage and the New Deal and every attempt by Progressives to help labor and the poor and the disenfranchised - ever since the inception of our representative Democracy

Bibles in hand they are pro gun -pro unwanted life -pro war (any war)-anti immigration -anti minimum wage equity - anti environment and anti intellectual and anti science.

They hate gays - and they worship an out of control and unregulated financial system that brought us to the brink of economic collapse.

They never said boo when GW drove up the deficit and federal spending to record levels -AND:

Now the whole batch of them has voted against Health Care Reform! - a political strategy to stop the progress being made across the board by a brilliant President who they hate.

And who is on the way to restoring this nation to place of dignity and promise in the World -Abandoned during the Dark Ages of Republican rule under that moron GW.

Adios rednecks!- You're finished! -Health Care Reform is on the way!


Saturday, December 19, 2009

Tiger Is An Angel Next To These Fuckers

“I’m a conservative who opposes radically redefining marriage, the most important social institution in human history,” Mr. David Vitter, a 46-year-old Republican, wrote in a letter last year to The Times-Picayune, the New Orleans daily.

That self-created image, a political winner here since 1991, when Mr. Vitter joined the Louisiana House, took a tumble with the disclosure that his phone number was among those on a list of client numbers kept by Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the so-called D.C. Madam, who is accused of running a prostitution ring in Washington."

"So this report in todays New York Times should come as no surprise to anyone with half a brain!" said Doctor Herschel Mandelbaum, head psychiatrist at the National Center for Male Lust, in Eugene Oregon.

"Every study that has ever been done on the male libido, and it's cognitive and physiological response to hot pussy; -- has conclusively shown that the prick has a very strong mind of it's own!"

He added; "And in the case of male religious conservatives these studies have shown that seventy percent of them will jump anything they can! The family value thing is right out the window when the one eyed monstor starts to rise -- fortunately for their families most of these bible thumpers are very unnatractive to women and have low levels of testosterone and small dicks -- otherwise they would fuck their pets!"

Dr.Mandelbaum, who is the world authority on male libidian behavior further stated; "And in the case of male politicians who espouse conservative family values -- our studies have shown with a margin of error of less then one percent, that when arroused -- they would fuck a snake!"

In conclusion the Doctor stated: " When finally caught with their peckers hanging out they always say, as in the case of Senator Vitter, -- "I am so sorry that i sinned in the past before i found the Lord --yadadadada."

"It's all bullshit! -- If a woan winked at them seconds after their bullshit cries of contrition - they would throw her in the back of their limo and fuck her like a dog in heat!"


Friday, December 18, 2009

Rolex Announces "Cheat Like a Tiger" Edition

"When you're a serious "Cheater" -you have GOT to know the Exact time at All times -and manage your time very effectively -and Rolex is proud to sponsor Tiger Woods as we launch the new eighteen carat gold diamond encrusted -limited edition- "Cheat Like A Tiger" super accurate Rolex!": said Moishe Pipick worldwide head of marketing and promotion for the Rolex timepiece corporation.

He went on: :When Tag Haur cancelled Tiger we were waiting in the wings -it's such an ideal sponsorship because 95% of Rolex owners are serious 'Cheaters" -and while Tag Haur has a 75% Cheating demographic -49% of their sales are generated from the wives who are being cheated on."

Furthermore he said " Tag Haur has a very high percentage of homo users who have always believed that Tiger was bisexual - and we have a sworn affidavit from Tiger purporting that he has never cheatred on his wife with a homo"

Pipick concluded: "Oh - and when you buy a "Cheat Like A Tiger" Rolex -you get a thirty percent reduction on the platinum with rubies " Ladies" Model Rolex" in case you want your mistress of the moment to enjoy a magnificent Holiday gift"

"Especially nice for Hanuckah" said Pipick - or even Purim"

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Brain Chemistry - Testosterone and Evolution + Babes

PSYCHOLOGY

His Cheating Brain

Why do powerful men risk everything for sex? It has to do with brain chemistry, evolution and, yes, testosterone.


Alpha males are high on testosterone, the hormone that underlies almost all the typical traits of the politico-sexual animal: high levels of testosterone make for a high sex drive, a love of risks, aggressiveness and competitiveness. "These people have a strong need to win at games, which is obviously important in power politics," says Zuckerman. Success sends their testosterone spiraling up, while a loss brings the levels down—a phenomenon that's been documented in the lab as well as in athletes and chess champions.

Women's testosterone levels also rise when there's competition on the line, but the actual act of winning—or, for that matter, losing—doesn't have any effect on the levels either way. It's the game, not the outcome, that makes the difference for women. Success, then, may not set them off-balance the same way. Evolutionary psychology also suggests that women leaders wouldn't be as likely as men to get caught in sex scandals. "Men and women play different roles in reproduction, so I don't think that you'd see the same kind of pattern where high-status women would be more likely to seek out lots and lots of men," says Daniel Kruger, a research scientist at the University of Michigan who has studied risk-taking behavior. "That's not going to really benefit them that much because they're limited in the number of children they could have." Men, on the other hand, have more of a biological imperative to spread their genes far and wide--the kind of privilege that often comes with being an alpha male.

Hungry for Power. Not everyone wants to be a high-profile politician. It takes, among other things, supreme confidence—the kind that may shade into egocentrism and lead to downfall. "For high-profile offices—we're not talking about the school board, but mayors, governors, senators, some members of Congress and the presidency—you have to have a kind of personality where you are very interested in yourself and your personal needs, as well as the needs of others," says John Gastil, a University of Washington political scientist. "When the gratification of your desire for social change becomes the justification for so much of what you do in your career, it's not a leap to then say, 'Well, my other desires and needs are equally justified.' You come up with elaborate justifications. 'Hey, 23 hours day I'm working hard for the people of New York. Time for a little me time!'"

Ironically, that kind of confidence is part of what appeals to voters. "We love charismatic people, the 'micro-messiahs'," says Gastil. "We favor the candidates who are already concerned with projecting certainty and power and strength—and we cultivate those characteristics in people. We want a little bit of that sense that these people are special and different. Does that go to their heads? Of course it does."

And then power has its own corrosive effects. A person who seeks out power may already be compromised. But once he's got that power, he may be tempted beyond anything he's experienced before. "We sometimes say, 'God, what do these people think, the rules don't apply to them?' Well, that's often true. They really do live in a different world from most of us," says Gastil. "Spitzer apparently had access to a service where you pay top dollar for exclusivity and discretion—one that most people don't have access to. Probably your average philanderer doesn't know such a company even exists." Remember the explanation Bill Clinton gave for his cheating: "I did something for the worst possible reason—just because I could."

As the saying goes, power is also an aphrodisiac—and that's been true, says Kruger, as long as humans have been around. "In our evolutionary history, men who had lots of resources and status and power were able to have more than one partner. Your body is basically saying if you have this power, you should use it, because that's what has worked before," he says. "Even in modern history, whether you're talking about medieval kings or sultans or rock stars, quite a few have multiple partners. So you're not so surprised to see this dynamic in politics today."

He Thinks He's Invincible. Bloggers and commenters have been floating the idea that Spitzer was subconsiously hoping to be caught. But that, at least, is one negative trait that psychologists hesitate to ascribe to him. "The idea of a death wish, that he was self-destructive—I don't think there's a shred of reason to believe that," says Farley.

Instead, the opposite may be true: not only was Spitzer hoping to get away with something, he honestly thought he'd be able to. "It does have an element of Greek tragedy to it. There's a certain amount of hubris that goes with getting to the top," says Gladue. "You think you're invincible. You just don't think it could happen to you." Until, of course, it does.

But basically it all boils down to "Hot Chicks" - oooweeee!


Saturday, December 12, 2009

Fox TV Announces "The Cheaters" Starring Tiger Woods

"His first guest will be Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina -and he and Tiger will discuss the power of "Hot Chicks" to pull a decent family loving man off the highroad of fidelity and onto the dark back roads in search of Hot Chicks and Babes"

So said Mike Schlocknell -president of Fox Reality TV and he continued: "Tiger will explore the "Cheating" issue on a worldwide platform with all it's societal and cultural implications -and he will have the greatest "Cheaters" on earth talking with him at exotic posh spots around the globe -and of course he will be surrounded by the "Hot Chicks" - and hopefully the gals left behind (who they replaced).

Tiger said: " I want to do this show to shed light on this difficult challenge to mostly powerful and rich men with a 36 waist or under - and to show that any man with "our" options to get "Hot Chicks" would go for the gold."

Schlocknell concluded the press conference: "Hey -this is gonna be a strong documentary dealing with the root causes of cheating and it's impact on descent god loving families -BUT -we gotta get folks to watch so their will be a lot of tits and ass and partying with Hot Chicks - kinda like the Rich and Famous-at loose on the town - cheating their rich and famous asses off!"