Please God - Kill That Ignorant Alaskan Redneck

"I'm like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I'm like, don't let me miss the open door," Palin said in an interview with Fox News on Monday. "And if there is an open door in '12 or four years later, and if it is something that is going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I'll plow through that door."

How about an open trap door witha noose around her redneck?

Millions of Americans Apply For Exit Visas

With the economy collapsing - and trillions of dollars being borrowed to save the folks who caused the collapse - and home buyers who had no right to buy them -and car and insurance companies that spent the last twenty years fucking them:

Millions of Americans are contemplating their futures in other countries - where they can live a decent life - and not burden their children and grandhildren with mountains of debt at birth.

"I don't want my grandchildren to come into the world as major debtors!" -said Moishe Pipick who was speaking from Beth Israel hospital in new York -where his new grandson Irving just squealed his way into the world - owing Uncle Sam over two- hundred thousand dollars dollars.

"Wer'e outa here! - This is bullshit! - He's gotta pay for AIG and General Motors and Iraq and all those derivative and hedge fund momzers! - He's gotta pay for all those schmucks that can't read a mortgage or live within a budget?"

"Fuck America!" he said - Wer'e off to Israel or Australia or China or India -at least we'll have health coverage!"

'"But -What about Obama?" -said Bandit financial reporter. Elise Mandelbaum."

Moishe replied; "He's a nice smart guy - he isn't the Messiah!."

American Express announces "Shop Only"Credit Card Program

Feeling like you need a shopping fix? _But your'e broke and out of credit?


Want to get that "shopper's high" without actually spending a dime? -Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ? --Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?



Well with the American Express "Shop Only - Till You Drop" card - you just pay a small fee - ten dollars - for ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits.



Pay a paltry fifty bucks and you can get up to two -hundred thousand dollars in "shop only"credits - and the "Shop only " Dream Card - about three hundred dollars - will allow you to buy high ticket luxury items. (take the whole family and buy a Ferrari)



So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.



And - for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and even wrap and put them under the tree if you like. (and then you get another "fix" for free when you open them.)



And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Nelson's "Shopped" us for our housewarming (your friend unwraps and reads the gift description ) - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".



And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!

Sarah Palin Destroys the Hopes and Dreams of Future Ignorant Cunts to Lead America

It should be a very long time before an ignorant cunt like Sarah Palin gets a shot at leading the free world!

And - if it ever happens again? - It will be a clear portent that our civilization has finally run its course.

I honestly believe that historians will look back on her selection by McCaine as the lowest point in American politics and culture.

I only hope to God that it is finally revealed that he was fucking her!

In that event - we have a totally understandable situation where an old feeble war hero was overwhelmed by a virulent libido in it's last dying gasp - in the throes of one great final hard on.

This is forgiveable - maybe admirable?

Anything else is unpardonable! - he should be crucified and left to hang on public display outside the Senate.

And school children should come in busloads to observe his stinking - rotting -corpse!

Good Riddance Casper - and -The Bride of Frankenstein

"Of course, McCain’s gracious concession speech is only notable because it contrasts so sharply with the sad and shabby campaign that he chose to run. Five classy minutes should not expiate several months’ worth of name calling, insinuations, and intellectual dishonesty. Honor cannot be worn like a jacket, to be slipped on and off as the situation dictates. John McCain irrevocably ceded his moral high ground during the course of his campaign, and the press should realize that one good speech doesn’t change that. Joe Klein has it right: Talk about putting lipstick on a pig."

This from a Columbia Journalism Review article - says it all - for the bandit.

He should kill himself - like a noble Samurai (which he ain't)

Obama's Grandmother Seen Campaigning in Ohio AND Florida - After Dying

"She's gone home," Obama said as tens of thousands of rowdy supporters at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte grew silent in an evening drizzle.



But he was wrong!



One hour after dying peacefully in her bed in Hawaai - Madelyn Payne Dunham was seen campaigning for her grandson in both Ohio and Florida - two key swing states which would lock the election up for Obama.



In reaction to this startling resurrection sarah Palin ran into a church in Canton, Ohio where she had just delivered a speech calling Obama a Muslim terrorist - dropped down before Jesus Christ - and began weeping hysterically:



"Forgive me father for i have sinned - and in the few hours left in this campaign - i am throwing my full support behind your new son and Savior - Lord Obama -- Amen!"



Reached in Florida at a nursing home where he had just called Obama a Communist and a fake negroe who would lead the country into chaos and depravity John (Casper) McCaine said:



"This is total bullshit - but if i'm wrong -i'm definitely fucked!"



And hearing of the resurrection of his beloved Grandmom - Obama said:



" She promised me she would rise back up and help me win the election - and i never doubted her for a moment!"

Joe the Plumber - Meet Hazel the Hooker

SAN FRANCISCO — When Proposition K was added to Tuesday’s ballot, many people likely snickered at the possibility that San Francisco might take its place alongside such prostitute-friendly havens as Amsterdam and a few rural counties in nearby Nevada.

BUT - it's looking like HAZEL the Hooker will be able to do business as UNUSUAL post election day in San Francisco! - And boy will Joe the Plumber be ecstatic!

Because while Joe has been able to fuck his clients with total impunity - poor Hazel has been forced to pay off Cops and Evangelists and Lawmakers just to suck a few lonely cocks every night.

This is fantastick news for those of us who would rather pay a reasonable fee to a real professional for sex - then beg his frigid trophy wife for a hand job - in return for half of all our assets -and the kids.

Oh - and how about all those poor fucking Rednecks and just plain poor fat and ugly people - and greedy moronic plumbers like Joe - who maybe get laid twice a year? - With legalized prostitution and the elimination of Pimps and Payoffs and Shysters:

These poor frustrated folks will be able to afford Hazel on a regular basis!

Oh - and you can bet that the killing of wild animals and violent crime will drop substantially !

Dr.Moishe Pipick - head of The Cultural Neuroscience Institute, in Berne Switzerland - said today:

"All our studies have shown that people who enjoy killing animals (called hunting in America) -and most violent criminals - would readily turn in their guns for a descent weekly blowjob."

And - anyway - wouldn't you much rather get fucked by Hazel the Hooker - than Joe the Plumber?

Vote proposition K on election day in San Francisco!

Britney Spears or Lil Kim better Than Palin - Says Mitt Romney

Mitt was overheard discussing the McCaine campaign - in a restaurant in downtown Salt lake City Utah – yesterday:

“I mean – he fucking blew it! –Picking that moron Palin was like if GW had picked Britney Spears for defense secretary instead of Robert Gates”

“As a matter of fact Spears (or maybe LIL Kim, that hot black rapper)) would have been a wiser –and much more qualified choice – at least he would have gotten the youth vote.”

His unidentified friend replied; “But Mitt – I think he felt he needed to solidify his base – you know – the rednecks and the religious freaks.”

Mitt replied; “Oh fucking great move!” – “Why didn’t he just hold a press conference and announce that he didn’t want anyone with an IQ of over 95 to vote for him!”

“I mean – how fucking stupid does Casper (McCaine’s nickname) think the electorate is – anyway?”
“Pretty fucking stupid Mitt!”

North Vietnamese Doctor Say’s McCaine Was Flying Drunk

Doctor Moishe Van Trang – a Vietnamese Colonel and Surgeon – who treated John McCaine after he was shot down over Hanoi – said today from his sickbed in Phnom Pen – (where he is dying from agent orange poisoning );

“I guess it’s time to come clean about the McCaine incident !”

He stated; “When Mccaine stepped out of his smoking cockpit he was yelling –“Fuck you gooks – come and get me! -He was waving a bottle of Dewars scotch whiskey – and firing his revolver in the air - then he fell –shot himself through both legs and his hip – broke his collar bone – and passed out.”

He went on; ‘I was told by the Air Command to never mention this - because they didn’t want the American’s to know that the only way we could have hit him with our fucked up Russian SAM system – was because he was flying around drunk.”

“Oh – and as long as I’m coming clean, you know that business about the guard who drew a Christian Cross in the dirt?”

“What about that?” – said digibandit foreign correspondent Lisa Mandelbaum.

Dr. Moishe Van Trang confessed; “It was me – and it wasn’t a Cross! – it was a Jewish Star!”

“Landsman” – cried Lisa.

Terrified Chickens Lay Poisoned Eggs

Dr. Moishe Pipick – head of experimental agronomy at Cornell University - announced the results of a significant new study today;

“A free range chicken spends it’s entire life in a state of high anxiety! - It’s akin to what a human being would experience running around naked – at night – in the Kenyan wild Lion refuge.”

“On the other hand” –Dr Pipick stated; “a chicken within the enclosed security of a cage – where they can barely move – is like a human being snuggled up against a pair of warm tits in a comfy bed.”

“And consequently” he continued; “ Free Range chicken eggs contain a toxic chemical which is released by these “Free” birds - which spend their whole short lives in a state of constant terror and fear of being torn apart and devoured by predators at any given moment.”

He went on; “ This chemical produces high levels of anxiety and hypertension in women! – And - it has had a significant negative impact on male female relationships – and hence – culture and society as a whole.” (oops a pun)

Dr. Pipick concluded; “ Without getting too technical – the study – conclusively proves that women who ingest Free Range chicken eggs –are much more “Bitchy” (you’ll notice I didn’t use the “C” word ) -- heh heh heh!

“if you really want to do something? -Come up with a Free Range Flour - Our studies conclusively show that - wheat does not enjoy growing so closely together – and when stalks are planted at least three inches apart – they are much happier!”

“But that’s another subject”

Obama Had Criminal Friends In Kindergarden - Says Sarah Palin

Sarah (Trailer Trash) Palin accused Obama of having at least two buddies in Kindergarden who became criminals! - she stated today on the campaign trail in Bumfuck South Dakota (where a crowd of ten thousand fat rednecks cheered her on):



"It's a continuation of his pattern of making bad judgements about the company he keeps - John and i were horrified to discover that two of his little Kindergarten buddies went on to careers in crime!"



She continued: "Little Moishe Pinsky - the son of a Jewish tailor became the bookeeper for fat Sally Giovanni - a prominent Chicago loanshark"



"And - Tiny Mustaffa Balucka - a negroe child from Raleigh North Carolina - went on to become a tap dancing Muslim junkie - who robbed banks in Gary, Indiana."



Sarah further stated: " Oh - and get this - another little early childhood buddy of his - Timmy (Tubby the Tuba) O'Reilly - went on to murder a St. Louis Priest who he caught sodomizing his little brother - i mean - a Priest!"



"John and I don't like this kind of campaigning" - said Sarah - "But but - i mean - you know - who your friends are is really -really important!"



Digibandit election reporter Elise Mandelbaum asked Ms. Palin; "But - Sarah - i mean - Kindergarden? - Friends from Kindergarden?"



She responded; "Heck yes Kindergarden - it's where you develop ypur life long, God given values Elise! - Maybe as a Jew you just don't get it?"

Fox TV announces "The Palins" - with John McCaine as feature guest star

Fox television prexy - Moishe Pipick - in announcing Fox's contract with Sarah Palin - to executive produce "The Palin's" - a recreation of "The Munsters" - announced today at a press conference in Hollywood :

"The Munsterswas a 1960s American television sitcom depicting the home life of a family of monsters. The show was a satire of both traditional monster movies and popular family entertainment of the era, such as Leave it to Beaver. It ran concurrently with the The Addams Family. Although the Addams were well-to-do, the Munsters were a more blue-collar family. The Munsters also had higher Nielsen ratings than The Addams Family"

He continued: "The Palins" will become America's first family of monstors! -Think about - the Munsters meets the Osbournes - living in a shitty one horse town - Wasilla, Alaska - and you have this psycho red neck politician with her aboriginal husband - and a family of freaks!"

"I mean- if this is not great television - then shoot me someone - please!"

He went on; "We even have a commitment from John McCaine to appear in a regular guest role as the retarded brother of Tod Palin - who was mauled by a Polar bear while drunk and taking a piss out on the ice one night with a bunch of Eskimos. (which is why he looks and acts THAT way.)"

Sarah Palin said at the press conference today; "I am so proud to be joining the Fox TV family. - I never really belonged in politics with all those Jews and Spics and Niggers and unpatriotic folks."

"Now i can spend all my time with God and my family and Fox and the American TV audience. - Amen"

Fox Announces -"Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Fox TV president Sammy Schlocker announced today:

"With the economy collapsing - we thought it would be fun to build a reality show around the Great Depression's most famous refrain "Brother Can You Spare A Dime" - which will have top executives from the financial sector - who have lost everything - compete against one another in a reality show where they use all their skills - in peddling apples on street corners in the new York City financial district.

Just like so many ex moguls resorted to after Wall Street collapsed in 1929.( at the beginning of the Great Depression) ---- these ex wealthy financial titans - will now apply all their skills to selling apples to the folks they fucked!



"Former Lehman brother executives - Merril Lynch managers - top dogs from Fannie and Freddie - and powerful Hedge Fund managers and brokers et. al. - will be given a fresh supply of apples each morning and we will tally up their sales every day."

"It's a zero sum game!" said Moishe Pipick, ex CEO for "Pipick and Gevalt LLC" - one of wall Street's most powerful investment banks , before the collapse. - Exactly the code i lived by, before i lost everything ."

"My Gulf Stream jet - my home in Greenwich Connecticut - my yacht - my Rolls and my golden Retriever Freddie (which really hurt!) -- "He went with my bitch of a trophy wife Marr. (losing her makes the whole ordeal almost bearable)"

Moishe continued; "I would just like to thank Fox for giving us a shot at making a comeback - and i know i will move a lot of apples!"

Fox VP Programming and Executive producer for the program -- Mannie Mandelbaum stated: "Boy we really have to watch these folks - they are already being very creative and ruthless in their apple sales and marketing strategies - we have even caught them poisoning their competitors apples."

Well there's always a few rotton appels in every barrel!

God Brings Seven Plagues To America - Economny IS Sixth

Financial Collapse is Sixth Of Seven New Plagues From God



Remember the seven plagues that God brought down upon the Egyptians because he was pissed about their treatment of the Jews?

Warts and blood and frogs and bugs and crap of all kinds and finally - death of the Egytian first born – until they let the Hebrews “GO”

Well - God has gotten more sophisticated in the last three thousand years (not any nicer though) – and so we have seven new plagues from the Boss – who is now pissed off at America - probably about climate change and turning the Earth into a shithole.

He is also pissed off at the other industrial nations – but it seems he has a hair up his ass about us. (probably because of all the phony demagogic hypocrits like Falwell and Robertson and Hagee and Dobson and Limbaugh (et al) –who are always putting words in his mouth to raise moola .

And – who by focusing on sex and pussy and porno and gays and illegal immigrants – things which God does not give a fuck about – evade the existential Global emergencies which the Big Guy does think are important.

So back to the new plagues he’s bringing down on us:

First – Bush/Cheney – "eight years of these mother fuckers might be a wake-up call for ya? - huh? Huh? Duh?"


Second - 9-11 - and the stirring up of the screwball Muslims. 'I really hated to do that"

Third – Hurricane Katrina – drowning a big city - and letting the Bush administration run with the clean-up ball. "Still fucked up down there? –Huh? -- HAHAHA"

Fourth - gay marriage – "So - you hate forty percent of My/Gods' weird children? – Well - now they can marry and raise families – fuck you!"

Fifth – illegal aliens - "You – a nation of immigrants and dead beats hate hard working and striving immigrants all of a sudden? - Okeydokey – here’s fifteen million of them – say hi!"

Sixth -- The economy –" Still don't have your undivided attention? -- How do you like the price of oil? - The housing Collapse? - The attack of the Wall Street thugs and pagans? – The credit disaster? -and more on the way - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- oweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Seven – "And soon to arrive if you don't get your collective shit together - President Sarah Palin!" --"Sorry John."

Ahahahaha!Hoooooo EEEEEEEEe Yahahahahahahahahah!

God is one funny dude!

Simple Lie Detector To Identify Homo Priests

It's so simple -EVERY priest (including the Pope) and every applicant for the Clergy gets wired up and asked these questions:

Are you a homo?

Do you get excited thinking about a young man's asshole?

Have you ever tongue kissed a male?

Do you think Paris Hilton licking your balls is exciting?

If leonardo De Caprio grabbed your cock would you be thrilled?

If Cameron Diaz crawled into your bed and put her thumb in your prostate would it be exciting?

Would you suck the Pope's dick if he asked you?

Do you think God is a homo?

Simple as pie - if you pass this test we know our kids ain't gonna get the high hard one from a Homo Priest.

Your Welcome

Sarah Palin Will Orbit Earth To "GET IT" - so she says

Palin Will Orbit Earth To Understand Important Global Issues


John (Caspar the Ghost) Mccaine announced at a press conference today;

“When you see how much Sarah has learned about Russian politics and history – from just being able to see a wee part of it’s landmass from Alaska :”

‘Well -- just imagine how much she will learn about Global politics and priorities – by looking out at the Earth from space?”

He stated; “She is a very quick study – and I would say that after her first pass over the Earth’s key conflict zones – Wam! – she’ll really get it --all of it!!”

“I mean we were driving together from the Detroit airport last week – on our way to a Republican rally - and she said to me:”

“Wowee John - the rustbelt - I see it – I mean I get it! –I mean like cars rusting - the auto industry right? - Oh cool! –Yeah – Now I get it!”

Mccaine went on; “That’s what I call - instant get it! - I mean this is a girl who has been living in a fucking refrigerator her whole life - metaphorically speaking of course”

“And” – he concluded “When she gets back from seeing everything down here from outer space – and getting everything? – whoa!’
I sure wouldn’t want to be my old pal --Joe Biden – when he debates her."

Please dear Lord - help us with this one - this is no longer funny - maybe you could just kill her -and take a little time off - your'e working too hard

Mc Caine Requests That Vulgarity Be Allowed In Debates

Well - Casper (The Friendly Ghost) McCaine - has decided that in the interests of "Straight Talking" with the American people - "he and Obama should be allowed to use vulgarities in addressing one another"

He stated; "Look - everyone knows I'm a straight shooter - and so let's just cut the crap and have some conversations with each other that most Americans can really relate to!"

"For example - Barak -your proposal for universal health care sucks!"

He explained; "Now that says a hell of a lot more than some high falutin detailed - gobbeldeegook analysis of this key issue."

"The folks out there deserve to know EXACTLY what the situation is - in terms they can relate to!"

He said; "For example - on Iraq - i would like to say - in "Straight Talk Express" lingo to Obama - Yo Obama - you are a fucking pussy with your cut and run agenda on troop withdrawal!"

"Now -you see how unambiguous that answer is?" -"Or - regarding abortion for example - How's this sound? --Hey Barak - maybe you think life begins whenever the fuck YOU think it does - but a lot of folks don't think that you are God - (most folks think God is white -heh! heh!)"

"Oh yeah - and about the racial thing! -if Obama wants to call me a white honky - go for it! -Shit - i'll just call him a fucking chocolate Muslim and the air will be cleared once and for all -and we can put all that racial crapola behind us."

Elise mandelbaum the Bandit Washington bureau chief asked Casper;

"Well do you draw the line anywhere with this vulgar straight talk?"

Whitey responded: "Yes - absolutely! - I will not call his wife a cunt! - and he should not call Cindy - say - an old rich honky hooker -or stuff like that."

"Oh - and no goin after the phsical stuff - like calling my arms flippers and about me looking like an old Klan member - or shit like that which could debases the tone of the debates."

"And - i will not talk about his Chimpy ears and face (ooh --eeeee-aaa -heh!heh! ) - sorry couldn't resist that - but you get the idea Elise?"

"And maybe we should refrain from just plain name calliing -that's not issue related -like 'You are a fucking cocksucker Obama!'

He concluded; "But i do think the public would like some of that - as it goes to the character of the man."

"And i do think he is a complete fucking putz asshole!"

California Village of Pine Mountain Breaks World Record For TV watching

Pine Mountain Club Does It Again!

That tiny mountain community - nestled in a pine covered valley –surrounded by the Los Padres national Forest – and majestically towered over by Mt. Pinos ” (70 miles north of LA)

Has done it again!

Just last month they broke a seven hundred year old record for the most alcohol consumed per capita of any village in the world. (previously held by the people of Gavalt – in northern Siberia ;

And now – they have shattered the record for the most number of hours spent watching television - formerly held since 1952 by the Eskimo village of Shitumaoutsky (which means “It’s to shitty to go out”) -where the average temperature is 48 below zero. (and where Sarah Palin was born - to a Virgin Inuit Eskimo)

Moishe Pinsky – President of The World Television Association – told us – when we caught up with him filling up at the Pine Mountain Club Gas Station:

“This is really an achievement for the folks of Pine Mountain! - The weather here is georgous, and you would think folks would be outside enjoying it in this beautiful environment? “

“I mean – the average peson in this community watched ninety eight hours (in an average week) of TV last year – and you gotta figure that the kids had to be way up over that:”

“I mean – these folks ain’t doin much except maybe workin a little and watchin TV !– And judging by the size of them and the kids iv’e seen around here so far -- moooo! – unk! unk! --soooeee! “

“I just filled up here at five bucks a gallon at this rip-off station – so maybe they can’t afford to go out anywhere - but jeez –I wonder if the kids even go to school?”

“I mean – five of them just came out of the video store –and they musta weighed over a ton all together - they looked like a small herd of Bison!”

I notice they have an expansive recreation area with a ballfield and basketball courts – but there ain’t a kid in sight?”

He went on; “Come to think of it –maybe with their record breaking alcohol consumption up here - the adults are too stewed to motivate the kids to do anything?”

“I saw a bunch of bikers coming out of the local bar and two of them were puking on their boots – maybe the locals are too terrified to leave their cabins?”

“ President Pipick concluded; “Well – anyway – I’m goin over to the Ceremony at the Pine Mountain Club Clubhouse – to present the award .”

“I wonder if anyone will show Up?”

“It’s kinda scary around here!”

RedneckWolf Killers Will Have To Beat Their Wives and Kids For Kicks

In a happy ending to the Center for Biological Diversity's fight to ensure protections for northern Rockies gray wolves, the Bush administration announced this week that it's giving up and putting the wolf back on the endangered species list.

Thanks to a suit filed by the Center and 11 allies in April, this summer a judge reversed the administration's March decision to remove the wolves' protections, ending a period of indiscriminate wolf slaughter in Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, and parts of Oregon and Washington.

Now, right before public wolf hunting was planned to begin this fall, the administration has decided to withdraw its rule alleging that wolves don't need Endangered Species Act protection -- just in time.

So now the lunatic fringe of the wacko general hunting crowd are hanging around Gun n Ammo shops in Shitburgs all across America - crying in their beers about the "liberal pansy elite Jews " who spoiled all their cruel fun.

"Those fucking queer tree huggers really fucked us this time!" said Wally "small cock" Thatcher" - over at the 'Boise Gun Barrel Bar and Grill' "I promised young Wally Jr. he would get to kill a wolf this season."

"Well hell -the guvernmint ainta gonna stop me nohow!" said Perliss "Pork Fat" Williams, "I'm gonna kill me a wolf -just like that Sarah Palin and her Eskimo husband do - and if'n i see any Jews out there in the woods - they gonna get a bullet too!"

"Hey Yooo!" - "Hee yoo -mah haha!" said small cock - yep - boy would i like to kill a Kike - and i'd put his head over the mantle with his Yomicker still on it"

"Well youd have to take that doe head down to put up the Jew -wuntcha?" said pork fat.

'Small cock replied "Id'd be worth it!"

In the mean ( a pun) time - the good ole boys will get all liquored up and do what they do best - be cruel to their wives and children.

Israelis To Use Birth Control Agents Against Islamofascism

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Israel To Put Birth Control Agent In Arab Water
Dr.Moishe Pipick. -- Minister of The Israeli Experimental Defense Agency -- responded to a leaked and classified initiative by his agency to stop the out of control birth rate in the Arab world:

"I will say this -- does the world need more suicide bombers? -- does the world need more illiterate and abused and brainwashed children? - Does the world need more children who will become dysfunctional; -- and become totally ignorant and angry and hopeless death worshiping adults? --Does the world need more people who will destroy civilization?

He continued; "They are breeding like rats - at a time when the civilized societies of the world are placing a higher priority on having fewer children -- but children with the potential to lead more enlightened and vital lives and to achieve some measure of clarity calm and comfort, self fulfillment and happiness."

"So -- yes - said Dr. Pipick - it is true!" He said; "We are putting a contraception chemical in the water supplies of some Arab countries -- and so now - when - they force their dirty Arab Muslim extremist schlongers into their screaming women -- and when they knock these pitifull enslaved wives to the ground -- rip off their Burkah's - and shtup their brains out -- they will be shooting blanks!

"Asked about world reaction to this arbitrary and questionable activity Dr. Pipick responded; "Look,these people are animals -- they have no respect for sensitive and caring parenting. They knock out children like bugs with no regard for their health, welfare or education --enormous growing populations of neglected children, and none of their leaders cry out against the sickening conditions:

"And the Mullahs fill the youngsters with venom and hatred --they can't even read or write -- they memorize verses in the Koran they don't understand -- and by ten years old they are ready to don suicide belts -- zombies manufactured by evil priests who worship death -- it's right out of a horror movie -- except it's real!"

"He went on;"And now that the cat is out of the bag you should know that while we are trying to control the human assembly line production of future Arab fanatics -- we are also artificially enhancing the birth potential of our own people --and in an ironic twist -- the people's of northern Europe including Germany - through their lakes,rivers and reservoirs."

"We felt the world did not need any more French than is absolutely necessary and the UK is just fine the way it is.(we are also considering putting birth control agents in all the USA red states )

"And - in addition - -- i'm sure the world would agree with our plan to stop the explosive breeding in most African countries (if you want to stretch your imagination and call them countries)"

"The problem with the Africans - is that their testosterone levels are so high it's very difficult --and their water is so polluted it weakens the birth control agent."

"The world will be angry with Israel won't it retaliate?" --said the bandit Israeli bureau chief --Elise mandelbaum.

Dr.Pipick replied; " Sure --but the world is always pissed off at the Jews anyway.- I ask the world -- do you want a bright future for your children -- or do you want Apocalypse Now and a remake of the Road Warrior -- for real?"

Harvard is To Blame For Collapse of Financial Institutions

Doctor Moishe Pipick - professor of advanced accounting and audit procedures - who has taught in the Harvard MBA program for thirty years - and which counts among it's graduates - more high level financial executives than any other MBA program in the world - said today:

"Today's MBA graduates are a bunch of fucking assholes compared to ten or twenty years ago! - I mean -has everyone forgotton that GW got an MBA from this diploma mill for well connected wasps and future Shylocks?"

"It's a disgrace! -these spoiled avaricious greedy little brats - with zero balls and character and a total disconnect with honorable and effective long term business practices - without an ounce of street smarts
and practical knowledge;'

"All they know are algorthymic programs and maneuvers to get rich quick - to get into the mix where folks are generating hard won equity and slice and dice a nice fat chunk of "Flesh" for themselves:"

"They are one step below the loansharks! - They trade on their interconnected and personal relationships and secret handshakes and family fortunes and political clout - to skim the cream off the top of the economy "

"And - they always land on their feet when the shit hits the fan - while the poor slobs are left holding their bags full of manure."

"And Yale and Stamford and Uof P and all the other prestigious MBA programs are turning out the same crop of greedy and carniverous - mean spirited and totally unethical fucking assholes ."

Digibandit financial editor - Elise Mandelbaum asked professor Pipick why he still teaches here -with that attitude?

He replied; "It's a gig - and - as Clark Gable said to Vivian Leigh in 'Gone With The Wind' -"Quite frankly - my dear -i don't give a damn!"

"And neither does anyone else in this Ivy League rat's nest - prep school for high level crooks and cheats."

Seniors and Prisoners Required To Generate Energy

A new energy proposal initiated by VP Dick Cheney would require senior citizens on medicare or in public nursing homes; all people on medicaide or on welfare , and all federal prisoners to generate electricity by pedaling on stationery bikes or walking on tread mills - which would be installed by Haliburton.

"The energy produced will help to replace our dependence on foreign oil -- it will be environmental friendly -- it will be cost efficient (no labor costs) and it will improve the health of folks who are adding heavily to our rising medical costs and who contribute very little to Society in general."

The next phase of this plan would be the installation of "electricity sensitive carpeting" where the elderly can Shuffle along and generate static elecricity (Zap), where excercize bikes or treadmills are not practical - or for use by people not strong enough to bycycle or walk fast enough.

Senator Ted Kennedy called the plan "shocking". -But Dr. Gita Pipick - head of research at the World Wide Alternative Energy Foundation - in Berne Switzerland -stated at a press conference today:

"This is a win win solution for all involved - and for all those folks who cannot afford heat this winter -we are working on home static electricity generators."

She concluded; - "And the constant shuffling will also generate body heat and promote good health!"

American's Will Soon Start Selling Their Children - Say's New Study

“When people view themselves as doing worse financially, then that motivates them to purchase lottery tickets,” said Dr. Moishe Pipick, a postdoctoral associate at the Yale School of Management who in July published a research paper on lotteries in The Journal of Behavioral Decision Making.

"People are getting desperate! - This lottery thing is a sure sign!" - said Pipick.
“People look to the lottery to get back to where they were financially.”
“With lottery sales at record setting sales levels – and financially strapped folks spending their kids food money to win state lotteries with astronomically ridiculous odds:

It is now only a matter of time before they will start selling their children.”
Dr. Pipick continued; “I mean – there is a better chance that Paris Hilton will crawl into some fat greasy redneck’s trailer and give him a blow job - than winning the ‘Lollapalooza Twenty Thousand Jackpot Ticket’ -- from the local market”

“I mean - his porky wife has a better chance of Antonio Banderas jumping her in the Walmart parking lot - than winning at one of these ridiculous marketing scams.”

“And - his redneck kids have a better chance – statistically - of getting into Harvard – or winning a Nobel Prize - than winning the ‘Fifty Thousand Dollar Jesus Loves You’ scratch off - at the local Stuckeys.”

“This indicates total FINANCIAL desperation on the part of many Americans!”
Pipick went on; “There is a huge market in the selling of children in all of the third world countries - and a lot of folks in The United States feel just as desperate about not being able to feed their shopping frenzies - to buy some gas or beer – or some other cheap shit, - as starving folks in Calcutta do about getting a tiny bowl of rice.”

“Hey” – he concluded – “I might just buy a lottery ticket to win a blow job from Paris Hilton?”

Sarah Palin Galvanizes The Neanderthals

The Right Wing-Nuts Are Back in Force – Viva Palin!


Her come the Creationists – the Animal killers and GunToters - the Book Banners and the Homophobes - The Snake Chewers and the Oil Drillers – the whole anti science anti progress anti intellect – stupid fucking assholes who just love and are totally reenergized by:

Sarah the Eskimo -- hick jerk from the North Country -- Annie Oakley on steroids with a bible strapped to each tit – an AK 47 in her arms and a skinning knife in her belt:

Followed by a passle of demented and lusty rug rats and a husband with an icicle for a dick.

“Hallelujah! -Hallelujah!” – screams Sarah. “Get your torches and pitchforks and march to the White House! - “Kill the liberal Frankensteins!” - “Attack Russia – Slay the illegals – Slaughter the Abortionists – Denut the Gays and the Poets and all the faggot intellectuals and greens and….”

And – oh boy - the ignorant rural masses are eating this crap up like fried pork rinds.

DR. Moishe Pipick – head of the World Cultural and Universal Scientific Center For Social research – said today – at a conference in Geneva Switzerland:

“Not since the early days of the Social Democrats and the emergence of the Nazi Party have we seen such a cultural divide in a modern industrial Nation.”

Dr Pipick continued; “The US Presidential election is shaping up as a marked contest between the ignorant bible belting rednecks on the far right -- the hysterical lunatic fringe intellectuals on the far left – and the basically normal and progressive (but really pissed off) and mostly normal -- moderates and independents in the middle.”

Pipick concluded; “And - Boy oh boy - if that Ignorant Cracker Palin ever gets into to a position of power?”

"Oye Vey!"

Sarah Palin' Should Be Aerial Hunted - Skinned and Eaten

I posted the following blog two weeks ago - and now we find out that Sarah Palin is an advocate for the Aerial killing of Wolves in Alaska!

Sadly, in Idaho, wolves are nothing more than another game animal to be managed for the benefit of human hunters. Beginning on Sept. 15, any Idaho hunter with a hunting license and $10.50 for a wolf tag will be entitled to shoot one wolf, at least until the quota of dead wolves in his region has been reached.

And how will a hunter know if the local quota has been reached? There will be a hot line, of course!

A beatiful sentient social pack animal - genetic monarch of our beloved dogs - a magnificent symbol of beauty and freedom and the power and glory of our shrinking natural world;

Slaughtered by pscho red necks for what?

These same sickos would eagerly purchase a game tag for the pure pleasure of shooting a "Wild Jew" -or any person of color - or retarded people -- no problema!

How in the fuck can we let these pathetic sub humans roam among us with guns and liscences to kill for the pure pleasure of their demented egos?

Call your elected representatives - do something!

And - as far as that Alaskan psycho?

Eskimo Chief Says Tim Palin Had Sex With An Alaskan Caribou

Tinkla Pipick - a seventy year old Inuit Chief - who helped guide Tim Palin on his last three Ironman competitions, said today - from his Igloo on the Alaskan glacier:

"On several nights when we were camped out on the freezing tundra - i saw Tim sneak out of his sleeping bag in the snow machine and slip into the Caribou herd"

"When i approached the herd to see if he was alright - i saw him mounting a huge female Caribou!"

He continued; "On one occasion Tim caught me watching him hump a Caribou and he warned me that :"My cunty wife might be running for national office - and if this gets out i won't be the only one without a scrotum!"

Chief Pipick said; "I'm only spilling the beans now because i could not live with myself - if that ignorant Witch and her Caribou fucking husband landed in the White House."

"And - i feel real bad about the Caribou!"

God Speaks To Sarah Palin - Wow!

In a speech last June to her former church in Wasilla, Ms. Palin said the war in Iraq was “a task that is from God.” (Mr. Bush made similar claims as he rejected all sound mortal advice on how to conduct the war.)

And -- In her speech to the Wasilla Assembly of God in June, Ms. Palin said it was “God’s will” that the federal government contribute to a $30 billion gas pipeline she wants built in Alaska.

I guess God is a bit absent minded - or he was just so preoccupied with telling her about his positions on Iraq and the Pipeline that he forget to mention about her daughters little problem.

Ah well - it was nice of McCaine to remind us once again that Government by "Tooth Fairy" is never far away in this great Christian country of ours.

If Casper chokes on a pretzel and VP Palin is walking around with that satchel full of Nukem codes - i'll bet the Russkies might just get a tad nervous?

You know the formula dontcha? - AC=I- 40% IQ -- or - Absolute Certainty Equals Intellect Minus forty percent IQ .

Or - blind faith is for morons

Aircraft Carrier nets To be Used At US Open To Contain Williams Sisters

"I was constantly afraid that she would rip through the net and trample me like a giant black Rhinocerous" said Moishe pipick head referee at the US Open.

The head of the tournament safety committee said they were going to install special tennis nets with safety features to prevent the Williams sisters from ploughing right on through when they thunder up to the net;

"Our tests have shown,"said the US Open's chief engineer - Arthur Cornwitz, - that a woman of their size -- with those enormous buttocks and ham hocks and traveling at high speed with those huge black breasts thrusting out like twin battering rams -- could plow through the standard net and take out not only her opponent, but the line referee -- two or three ball retrievers and approximately seven spectators in the first row of the center court.

"He continued; "We approached the head of engineering for the US Navy and they have devised a protective system similar to the ones used on US aircraft carriers to stop the fighter planes from crashing through and into the ocean :"

But Admiral Meyer Pinsky - Captain of the eastern battle carrier group expressed his concern; --- "Having seen the thrusting power of these amazing amazons on the courts -- I'm not sure if the jet nets will hold her?"

When confronted with the dilemma Serena Williams said; "Yep --the only thing that might hold me back is those big fine loin chops of maybe Shaq O'Neal? -- and i wouldn't bet on it if i was you --butt (heh heh) i sure would like to test HIS burly black ass!"

Venus stated; "Ain't no net on earth can hold me!"
at 12:27 PM

Sarah Palin Is Just Absolutely Thrilled About Her Teenage Daughter Getting Knocked Up!

"Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We're proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents," Sarah and Todd Palin said in the brief statemen

Thats a political spin statement by "Whiteys" incredulous choice for VP that means:

"Yeah - my stupid fucking seventeen year old daughter is knocked up by some local Alaskan redneck - just what the fuck i need right now!"

" And It was fucking considerate of her to wait to tell me right after i was chosen Caspers running mate"

If i were Obama i'd be running ads with that classic rock tune -- "The Girls In Bristol Are Hot As A Pistol When They Do The Bristol Stomp" - playing over videos of an exuberantSarah - celebrating the socially conservative and wonderful news that her teenage daughter is pregnant - out of wedlock.(and didn't tell her dear mom for five months)


Maybe Sarah Palin should be telling American teenagers to keep their knees together instead of advertising the joys of teenage pregnancy?

And -- In case you didn't know it - "Bristol" was named for a tiny shithole town in Alaska called Bristol Bay Borough -- a borough of the U.S. state of Alaska located on Bristol Bay or Iilgayaq Bay. The borough seat is Naknek. As of the 2000 census the borough population was 1,258. There are no incorporated settlements -


Outside of watching the loaded locals making pee messages in the snow - fucking on the pool table over at the Antler Inn - is the main cultural diversion for teenagers in Bristol Bay Burrough!


(Outside of killing Reindeer and Polar bears )

Well - old "Whitey is now well on his way to sewing up the white trash vote.

And - now- we can all watch the social rednecks scramble to put a smiley
face on Bristol's fuckup - what fun!







Congratulations! - And - You too Sarah.

Sarah Palin Says Hillary Is A Pussy - Would Have Cut Bill's Penis Off

"If i found out that my hubbie got sucked off by some young Inuit hotty in the back room of the Antler Inn down in Injun town:

"I would cut his balls off with my Reindeer skinnin knife - and put a slug into her pussy - and then wreck the whole fucking place with my Hockey stick!"

"I mean - maybe it's de rigeur for some slut to moon your hubbie and then swallow his throbbing old member in the White House?"

"But up here in the wilderness - you fuck around with another woman's man and you wind up as Seal bait."

"And - i gotta lota respect for Hillary - but - Billy boy is still walkin round with a swingin dick? -- Uh Uh Uh - my hubbie's unit would be in a jar next to the Moose i kilt last spring."

"Well - i gotta run right now - gotta get my armpits and legs waxed before the convention:

"But - we'll talk some more later..........."

"Whitey" McCaine Must Be Fucking Sarah Palin

BECAUSE:

She has less policy and managerial experience than your average Walmart store manager!

Being rabidly pro-life she instantly pisses off 85% of American women.

She's pushing for expanded drilling in Alaska - and for a new pipeline to carry the carbon.(duh)

And if Casper keels over - the nuclear codes get turned over to a fiercely religious redneck soccer mom from the Alaskan boonies.

Should be quite comforting to our Allies and the Muslim nutcases?

But - But - But -- like Cindy McCaine -she is an ex beauty queen - AND:

She can probably suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

All Hail Obama - Bring On The Chariots and Charging Elephants

Obama makes his big speech tonight in Denver's version of the Roman Coliseum - with the fake columns and fantastick lighting and sound effects and all that crappy circus hoopla designed to expand his "enthusiasm gap" over poor "Old Whitey".

Here are some additional production elements that his team could easily add to the carnival - which would really kick the whole event "Up A Notch" - and put some real strategic "BAM" in "O Bam A"

Chariots - charge in - circling the arena - all BLACK stallions driven by shiny black male charioteers - followed by a legion of black Amazonian women carrying spears.(think five thousand Serena Williams look alikes)

Next - a huge herd of Bull Elephants roars and trumpets its way across the field flaanked by a legion of all white senior citizens. - And - their grandchildren - dressed all in white -- are riding atop the elephants - waving American flags.

Then - a legion of the 'Working class" marches in! -- Hispanics -Cubans - Dominicans - Native Americans - Asians - Armenians -Poor Whites - Inuits :

EVERY ethnic group and sub-group and cultural stereotype imagineable! - Gays - Dwarfs - the Handicapped - you name it - AND they each have their own flag and marching band like the High Schools in the Thanksgiving Day parade .

AND -- next come the "Sponsor Floats" - with lobbyists and big donors riding on them -- and throwing cheap baubles into the crowd like at Mardi Gras.

And - bringing up the rear a huge contingent of "RELIGIOUS" fanatics!

Priests and Evangelists and Hasidic Jews and Imams and Monks and Mormons -- all singing and chanting - and there's lightening and thunder and:

At last - in comes "OBAMA" -- woosh -- lot's of smoke - African drums pound throughout the great coliseum and thousands of African Warriors leap and scream (think of all those coordinated robotic chinks at the opening ceremonies of the Olympics)

He's dressed like Abraham!

And -- he then performs a MIRACLE - he makes it rain!

And - as the fake downpour drenches the entire throng (who are now all kneeling in mandated Prayer) - He points his staff (like Charlton Heston as Moses) at a giant replica of The Ten Commandments - lit up on a mountain in the near distance = and begins his address - with:

"How's THAT for change?"

Sherwin Williams Paint Company To Market "McCaine White"

Dr.Moishe Pipick - head of world wide marketing for the Sherwin Williams paint company announced today:

"In honor of the whitest man ever to run for President - we have produced a new addition to the popular Sherman Williams "White Category" -- wer'e calling it "McCaine White"

He continued: " If eggshell white is just too white for you - or off white or ivory white - or pearl or even our current whitest white ,which is our famous "Cottontail White" - THEN:"

"McCaine White" - the whitest possible adaptation of the white pigmentation molecule - is the one for you."

"And - like McCaine - it goes with anything!"

Our digibandit manufacturing reporter - Elise Mandelbaum asked Dr. Pipick; -- "How would you describe "McCaine White" in layman's terms to our readers?"

He responded; -- " Think of Casper the friendly ghost!"

Maybe they should think about coming out with "Obama Black?" - a kinda mix of "McCaine White" -- and not quite Black.

Obama Is NOT Black

Personally i don't care if he is purple or orange or even pink.

But - he sure as shit isn't BLACK!

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are BLACK! - So are about ten million other Americans who share a history - heritage and culture that is wrapped in the BLACK American experience.

So -- what is all the fuss and crapola about Obama being the FIRST black American presidential candidate? - And all the residual racial furor and fury about him BEING A BLACK MAN?

I mean - McCaine's father was from Ireland> Does that make him a Celtic candidate?

I mean - how much in common do you think Obama has with his Kenyan father? (he can probably out run anyone in Congress/)

He is more white than most white people - so let's cut the bullshit and treat him - at least - as any other extremely qualified WHITE candidate:

Until - we get a real BLACK presidential candidate.

Fox Announcs "Candid Celebrity Confessions" with Father Konfessor

Fox certainly has a lot of balls -- In addition to being cutting edge creative!

Their new reality show will feature a Catholic priest -- Father Konfessor -- who will take confessions and give penances for the pleasure of the television viewing audience. -- What a programming breakthrough!

"Hidden cameras in the confessional booth will have audiences around the world peeing in their pants (panties) -- and the penances that Father Konfessor delivers will be more hysterical than the actual confessions;" said Moishe Pipick,President of Fox TV Entertainment.

Elise Mandelbaum - the digibandit Hollywood reporter - asked him; "What kind of penances will Father Konfessor dispense? - Give us an example."

"Okey dokey" said Pipick; -- "In the pilot we see Hillary Duff very ashamedly confess that she loves to tease young men and that she wears short skirts without any underwear. -- And here's the penance!"

"Father Konfessor says -- " Oh well Hillary, youv'e been real naughty - so God demands five Hail Mary's -- And -- ten cartwheels!"

"Wow!" -said our reporter; "Aren't you being a wee bit blasphemous? -And -- won't religious Catholics be upset about violating the priviliged and sacred bond between a Priest and his flock?"

"Fuck no!" said Fox's Pipick --"It will be bigger than Idol!

I think he's right -- and God will probably laugh his ass off!

Obama Must Prove He Is Lustful

95 percent of ALL world leaders have screwed around on their wives!

In America that includes Washington - Adams and jefferson and ALL the founding fathers - both Roosevelts - ALL presidents except Calvin Cooledge (who weighed four-hundred pounds and Ronald Regan; who knew Nancy would cut his pecker off.

And - EVERY Congressman and Senator who has ever done anything original or important or of any substance - has screwed around on his wife.

And - that fact of life applies to EVERY local and national politician of ANY merit - from dog catcher to Governor - from Pine Mountain ,California to New York City,N.Y.

Soooooo - If Obama has been uxorious -- singularly faithful to that wife of his? - How in the hell is he going to relate to ANY of his domestic or foreign colleagues?

NO ONE - will totally trust or relate to him -- on ANY level!

And so - when in the middle of an important White House meeting on National Security - or say a World Conference on Nuclear proliferation:

A hot asistant walks in with a tray of coffe - and she has an ass like Jennifer Lopez - and all the guys smile and wink around the room - and Nicholas Sarkozy leans over and whispers to Vladimir Putin "Oh boy would i like to ......" and Obama just yawns and stares up at the ceiling and rolls his eyes in disdain.......

Well - that's not exactly a good thing for the folks back home - we really don't need Obama to be the turd in the world's political punchbowl.

Nope - we better find out - real quick -- if he's a card carrying member of the John Edwards and Friends Adulterers Club - and a red blooded normal male politician who can swap "fucking around" stories with the other powerful boys around the table -- who control our destiny.

Fess up Barack! - Who you been fucking? = Wer'e gonna find out anyway - hopefully that is.

McCaine is WAY ahead of you on this one!

BBTV Announces "What is a Motha Fuckah?" -- As Lead Series

Hip-hop artist Percy Miller, aka Master P, is involved in the start-up of a new family-friendly cable network called Better Black Television (BBTV) which will launch next year.

The network will be a general entertainment channel and based on a statement from the company, the network will provide "positive content for a black and brown culture."

He further stated "What is a Motha Fuckah?" - will dig deep down into the African culture to examine the origins of that widely used phrase among blacks.

"I mean - how did "Motherfuckah" - which describes a fairly dysfunctional act - become the black equivalent of "Shalom" in the Hebrew language?"

"Or -"Hey! -how are you?" - for most other folks."

Yang Peiyi Has A Nice Face For Radio

“Miaoke, a third grader, was judged cute and appealing but “not suitable” as a singer. Another girl, Yang Peiyi, 7, was judged the best singer but not as cute.”

And so it goes in China!

After the Olympics the walls hiding all the decrepit buildings will come down -- all the cars and factories will start turning Beijing into it’s original state, as the largest urban shithole on Earth - dog meat will return to restaurant menus – and all the dissidents will resume being dissed again.

And – Miaoke can look forward to a future as a “cute and appealing “ dummy - to some Chinese party boss ventriloquist.

Why Did God Give John Edwards A Penis?

Or any man for that matter? - And here's the obvious answer:

God has a Cock!

Yep - knowing full well that any descent normal attractive (or rich) male could and would - fuck almost any female that walks - until, finally, his last drop of testosterone dribbled out ;

He still proceeded to create men with dicks!

I mean - he could have created - say - a double eye wink as the catalyst for procreation - or a whistle - or a face lick. And wham! - She's pregnant! - And on goes the human race. -- But noooo:

He had to create this whole sex/lust/power/ ego/ dominance - lovey dovey feel good orgasmic stuff to move humanity down the road?

The only reason God did that - and created all this confusion about sin and sex is because -- God was born with a penis!

So - don't blame John Edwards - blame God!

CIA Torture Expert Recounts "Nagging" Effectiveness

Agent Lance Himmler - an experienced CIA torturer - has divulged his initial experience with a revolutionary new torture technique - "American Wife Nagging".


He reported on the method yesterday - at a briefing of the Joint Chiefs of Staff - which the President and Secretrary of Defense Gates attended.


"Sustained nagging by an American wife - preferably a miserable Jewish housewife (hey and no anti-semitism intended - some of my best friends in the CIA have been driven nuts by nagging waspy wives) - is the most effective torture application that i have witnessed in my thirty years of trying to crack the toughest terrorist nuts around the world!"



He recounted; "Well -- we had this Al Quaeda leader who was sitting on some highly sensitive intel - and he would not give an inch! - We waterboarded him - we crushed his toes with a hammer - we put a pigs snout up his butt ( you know they hate pork) - we lit up his nuts with electrical charges - we put sulphuric acid on his left eyeball -- and then we got rough with this guy -- and NOTHING - he spit at us!"



Officer Himmler continued; "Well -i'm here to tell you - we brought in Elise Mandelbaum - closed the door - and within fifteen minutes this guy was screaming for his Momma!

And - when Mrs. Mandelbaum gave him another dose of "you no good lazy worthless bum - get a job - your'e poor wife should have married a Jewish Doctor - you failure - you fat weak spineless lazy loser ..... on and on......."

"Well - this guy begged for a map and a pointer and said he would give us everything we wanted - if only she would shut up!"



"I mean - she saved us hundreds - maybe thousands of lives! You gotta understand - it's hard enough for an American to deal with this kind of nagging - but - these Muslims have never heard a woman say anything but "Yes Mohammad - anything you want - please kick me or rape me again"


"I mean - here's a guy who has been killing and maiming since he was ten years old - his eyeball is hanging out of the socket and his nuts are sizzling from the electric shocks - and all his teeth have been kicked in and his toes are all mashed up - and he tells us to get fucked!"

"But - twenty minutes with Elise Mandelbaum from Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn N.Y - and he's crying like a baby and giving up his family and friends just to make her shut the fuck up."


"Oh - and get this - i say to Elise - "You have performed a major contribution to your country in the war on terror - you have cracked open one of our toughest Al Quaeda terrorists."



"And she says to me - "Let me tell you Mr. - these Muslims are a bunch of weak babies and i don't understand how you let them get away with all this terror business?"


She concluded, said Himmler; " My Abe Mandelbaum is a weak piece of shit - and he has withstood my nagging for the last twenty years. - And just thank God you don't have terrorists like him running around!"


At this point - the President replied : "Thanks officer Himmler - i want you to recruit a special unit of the most viscious nagging American wives you can find - and you can start with my mother in law -- heh heh heh!"

Tow Lanes Would Eliminate Gas Crisis

With the designation of "Towing Lanes" on America's highways -- SUV's and non commercial trucks would be required to tow a minimum of four cars behind them.

The towed cars would pay a pro-rated shared gas fee based on miles towed to the towing vehicles . - Fuel economy would soar - and carbon emissions would drop out of sight!

And - owners of mid and full size cars would have the option of participating -- pulling cars according to their tow capacity.

A minimum requirement to enter the tow lane would be one vehicle for a mid size car - and two for a car over 2,500 lbs. (but under 4,00 lbs.) - when the minimum of five cars would kick in.

Digibandit automative reporter Elise Mandelbaum presented the idea to Governor Arnold Schwartzenneger of Gollyvornia - who was attending a press conference in lush Pine Mountain village (where he was attending the presentation of a bronze statue from the World Lush Association to the local market which sold more liquor than any store on Earth (per capita) in 2oo7.

The Governor stated;"Did iss an ideeya dat is vorth loooking at! - Wiz my giant Mercury SUV i could probably pull zix or zeven kaars down the 5 freeway back to Los Angeleeees?"

"I am gonna try it dis afternoon right after the presentation - oh look at the statue! -It's a drunken peasant lying on the ground in what kut be my little village in Austria - everyone should come and Zee it in front of the Pine Mountain General Store:

In Pine Mountain Golllyvornia."

'But be careful driving through the willage - these folks are world champion lushes!"

Dickless Male Era - Response to Evolution of The "Super Cunts"

Hooray for the little woman! - Congrats to all the modern gals! - Three cheers for all the chicks and liberated babes!



Goodbye sexual inequality - so long job discrimination - adios traditionally stereotypical - and opressive behavior models for the girlies!



Welcome to the beginning of the "Dickless Male" era.



Yep - it didn't take long for Darwin's -"Descent with modification -and survival of the fittest" process to kick in:



"The new "Dickless Male" -with his reduced sex drive and balls free mind set and physiognomy will be biologically prepared for life in the fast evolving revolutionary epoch of the "Super Cunts." -said Dr. Moshe Pipick - head evolutionary biologist with the Universal Darwinian Institute - in Berne, Switzerland.



He stated; "Some men are beginning to react to the "Super Cunt" emergemce by becoming emotionally destabilized and are beginning to engage in violent anti - cunty behavior."



"This behavior which threatens the survival of the human race is resulting in an enhanced genetic pool of males who have lower testosterone levels ( with smaller dicks and balls) and who adapt to the Super Cunts without destroying them." - said Dr. Pipick.



Bandit biology reporter - Marta Goldberg asked Dr. Pipick:



"But won't the new "Dickless Males" be unable to conjugate with the "Super Cunts"? - therebye thwarting evolution and the survival of the species?"



The Dr. replied' " Excellent point and that will be true over time - during which the "Super Cunts" will evolve into egg layers."



Chicks will Rule! -- At last!



Congratulations

captured Muslim Terror Suspects Should Be Tortured By Nagging American Wives

Muslims treat their women like dogs! - As a result they have NO idea how viscious a nagging wife can be -especially a good old fashioned average "American Nagging Wife"(i don't include girlfriend nagging (just as viscious) because Muslims don't have girlfriends - that would imply courtship and options for the women)

So you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."

Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife. For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:

"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been - I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......."

Well - you know the drill.You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less?Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman .

If a Muslim woman were to say even; "Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andd that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.

Imagine if your average American nagging wife laid into him with; -- "Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist - stay out of that smelly Mosque with your faggy friends ......"

At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every house in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.

C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.

John Mccaine Challenges Obama To Fight - Calls Him A Pussy

"Iv'e had enough of this twerpy faggots wussy bullshit!" -McCaine was overheard exclaiming to his wife Cyndy - who replied:

"Well John - why don't you just kick his black ass - and show the American people that youv'e still got more nuts at seventy eight than he has at twenty one"

Said a very pissed off Mccaine - "Fuck sakes Cyn - where have you been? - I am seventy five and he is twenty four - don't we have enough problems without you fucking up the math?"

"But your'e right - I'll get him in the ring and knock his dick off in one round - and then folks will see that the only thing he should command is a girl scout troop."

He continued; "Hell -- Jesse Jackson thinks he's an arrogant twerp - and the Rev Sharpton told me he thinks he takes it in the ass!"

"Oooh Lordy !" -exclaimed Cyndy"

I've got McCaine in two.

President To Use Hollwood Talent To Stop Islamofascism

Now listen up Mr. President because the digibandit is gonna save your legacy and maybe the whole darn world!

You get Steven Spielberg - Peter Jackson - James Cameron - David Copperfield and George Lucas in a room together.You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"

"We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable" "

"And -- you will state the message as follows:""Hello it's me -- Mohammad! -- I'm speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah - and effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ."

" Furthermore -- You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers -- enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran." -

The message will then conclude as follows:"Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- "What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise ypu promised me?"

Mr. President. you must remind this esteemed creative team that; "These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"

"And -- when the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over!"

"And you will all receive The medal Of Freedom -- And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project -- And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!"

"Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!"

Homelesness - War - Plague - Famine - Terror - Great For Planet - say's Al Gore

Thursday, July 24, 2008

"Homeless people have a tiny carbon imprint - and an increase of twenty percent in homeless Americans would be like taking ten million cars off the streets" said Al Gore at a world conference on planet warming in Helsinki today.

He further stated; " American economic conditions should drive another eleven to thirteen million people into homelesness over the next three years which is a tremendous gift to the Planet."

"And with current projections for world wide plague and famine and water deprivation -- and deaths from poor air quality in India and China -- along with HIV and general slaughter in Sub Saharan Africa :

We think the Polar Bear might just find himself back on solid ground by 2015"

He concluded ; "And all of that " destructive sociological carbon reduction" ( or DSCR as wer'e now calling it) -coupled with industrial world carbon reduction efforts - along with scientific progress --- might just result in a long term world wide carbon deficiency problem?"

"And goodbye plants and trees!" heh heh heh

Increase In Homeless People Is Good For The Planet Says Al Gore

"Homeless people have a tiny carbon imprint - and an increase of twenty percent in homeless Americans would be like taking ten million cars off the streets" said Al Gore at a world conference on planet warming in Helsinki today.

He further stated; " American economic conditions should drive another eleven to thirteen million people into homelesness over the next three years which is a tremendous gift to the Planet."

'And with current projections for plague and famine and water deprivation and deaths from poor air quality in India and China -- along with HIV and general slaughter in Sub Saharan Africa - we think the Polar bear might just find himself back on solid ground by 2015"

He concluded ; "And all of this "sociological carbon reduction" (as wer'e now calling it) -coupled with industrial world carbon reduction efforts - along with scientific progress --- might just result in a long term world wide carbon deficiency problem?"

"And goodbye plants and trees!" heh heh heh

McDonalds To Sell Puppy McNuggets During Olympics

Sounds farfetched? - Well the big greedy corporations are so busy kissing Chinese assholes that it shouldn't surprise ya if they agreed to market a tasty Chinese delicacy - doggie meat!

"China, already the world’s second-largest advertising market, after the United States, is a dream for consumer product companies. “For most international brands here, China is the growth market for the next 10 years,” said Jonathan Chajet, strategic director at Interbrand, which consults on brands.

I guess nobody gives a shit about the genocide in Darfur or Robert Mugabe's unabated reign of terrror - or those psycho generals in Myannamar -- all of which the Chinese think is no ones business but their own - or Tibet -- or .............

Oh what's the use......

The multinational corporations would sell their mothers for an increase in market share and the Chinese could sell frozen aborted female placentas and no one would say boo!

You average folks all are too busy figuring out how to keep shopping --now that the financial shysters have just about squeezed you dry -- to give a shit about anything important. (like a boycott of some of these corporate monstors)

And the Chinese are laughing their asses off at us Western pussies who they will soon push out of the front row --on the world stage.

Enjoy the Olympics!

Fox TV Announces "Smarter Than A Cock?" -With Britney Spears

Fox TV -- which continues to knock reality show hits out of the park with shows like "Hell's Kitchen" and "Smarter Than A Fifth Grader" -- is kicking it up a notch!

Irwin Bloomis head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."

"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.

The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"

To which Bloomis responded ;"Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids."Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat A Chink Fifth Grader?"

Oh - and the choice of Britney as host? -"Who can handle cocks better than her" - said Mr. Bloomis.

Jesus Died For The Jews Not The Goyim

JERUSALEM — A three-foot-tall tablet with 87 lines of Hebrew that scholars believe dates from the decades just before the birth of Jesus is causing a quiet stir in biblical and archaeological circles, especially because it may speak of a messiah who will rise from the dead after three days.

If such a messianic description really is there, it will contribute to a developing re-evaluation of both popular and scholarly views of Jesus, since it suggests that the story of his death and resurrection was not unique but part of a recognized Jewish tradition at the time.


“Resurrection after three days becomes a motif developed before Jesus, which runs contrary to nearly all scholarship. What happens in the New Testament was adopted by Jesus and his followers based on an earlier messiah story.”



"This gives the Last Supper an absolutely different meaning. To shed blood is not for the sins of people but to bring redemption to Israel.”

So poor Jesus died for the Jews -- and now we know that Paul - the biblical equivalent of Karl Roves - spun his crucifiction into a religion that labeled them as "Christ killers"

Wow - what irony!

but jesus knows!

Aircraft Carrier nets To be Used In Williams Tennis Match

Serena Williams Scared The Shit Out OF Russians At Wimbledon

(first reported at last year's wimbledon)

Those tall leggy Russian tennis players who Serena Williams defeated at Wimbledon complained to the British Tennis Society today; "I was constantly afraid that she would rip through the net and trample me like a giant black Rhinocerous" said Elenya Smyrynosposkayovich after losing to Williams ,whose nickname is Gevaltnegtuckismaya --which means "A giant black ass rolling down a hill" in Russian.

The head of the British safety committee said they were going to install special tennis nets with safety features to prevent Serena from ploughing right on through when she thunders up to the net; "Our tests have shown, said Sir Arthur Cornwitz, that a woman of her size -- with those enormous buttocks and ham hocks and traveling at high speed with those huge black breasts thrusting out like twin battering rams -- could plow through the standard net and take out not only her opponent, but the line referee -- two or three ball retrievers and approximately seven spectators in the first row of the center court."

He continued; "We approached the head of engineering for the Royal Navy and they have devised a protective system similar to the ones used on British aircraft carriers to stop our planes from crashing through and into the ocean -- but Admiral Sir Meyer Pinsky Captain of the battle carrier HMS Horatio Nelson expressed his concern; "Having seen the thrusting power of this amazing amazon on the courts -- I'm not sure if the jet nets will hold her."

When confronted with the dilemma Serena said; "Yep --the only thing that might hold me back is those big fine loin chops of maybe Shaq O'Neal? -- and i wouldn't bet on it if i was you --butt (heh heh) i sure would like to test his burly black ass!"

Best Torture For Muslim Extremists - Nagging American Wives

Muslims treat their women like dogs! - As a result they have NO idea how viscious a nagging wife can be -especially a good old fashioned average "American Nagging Wife"(i don't include girlfriend nagging (just as viscious) because Muslims don't have girlfriends - that would imply courtship and options for the women)

So ou put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."

Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been =I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......." Well - you know the drill.

You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less?Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even; "Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andd that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.

How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......

"At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.

C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.

Fox Announces "Dancing with The Cars"

Outbidding Spike and YuTv and the Discovery channel – Fox Television announced today that it has acquired world-wide production and distribution rights to “Dancing With The Cars” from “What Hump?” productions.

Standing on a busy overpas of the 495 freeway in Los angeles – Hymen Berkowitz, president of Fox Tv and Dave Nelson –head of “What Hump?” – spoke with Digibandit Hollywood reporter, Elise Clitbloom.

“This revolutionary concept combines elements of “Dances with Wolves” and “Dancing With The Stars” -- in that professional dance teams will compete while dodging cars on one of the busiest amd most dangerous highways in the world.” Said Hymen berkowitz.

“Doing the Mambo in an air conditioned studio is like eating pussy next to Mamboing on the 495 with road raging Angelenos traveling bumper to bumper at ninety miles per hour across six lanes of traffic in the smog and sweltering heat.” -- said Nelson.

‘Aren’t you worried about injuries?” -asked Clitbloom.

They replied -- “NO”

Fox Announces - 'Old Demented People Borrowers"

Taking their lead from NBC’s new hit reality series “Baby Borrowers” – the savy and socially commited programmers at Fox Television announced the introduction of “Old Demented People Borrowers” into their fall prime time lineup.

Fox TV head – Hymen Yenta said at a press conference in the Hollywood home for the aged today; “ The old folks you see here are a sample of the demented and incompetent folks who will be available for “borrowing” by middle age couples who will get the chance to hone their nurturing skills in preparation for that imminent time when their own parents will become demented.”

“It’s a win win situation all around” he said – “The families of the “borrowed” will receive a hefty payment to defray their nursing home costs and the “borrowers”will get training and experience in preparation for handling their own –soon to become demented parents.”

Bandit Hollywood reporter Lisa Clitowsky asked Mr. Yenta, “So Hymen – what’s in it for the “borrowed” folks?”

He replied; “They don’t know what’s up anyway Lisa –at least they won’t get slapped around by those black male nurses for a while.”

Looks like another winner from Fox television!

Ford Introduces 250 gallon Fuel Tank On New Models

Ford VP of engineering - Dr, Hymen Goldfarb -announced today:

"With the price of gas increasing steadily -and with no relief in sight - Ford is allowing buyers of their 2010 autos and trucks - the option of buying up to 250 gallons at a time on all standard models -and up to 1.000 gallons with it's biggest suv's and trucks."

He stated, "At Ford we wanted folks to get some hedge against spiraling fuel costs -if you fill er up today at say five bucks a gallon - and in a month it would cost you say six bucks -well - that's a thousand dollar savings if youv'e got our "Jumbo 1,000 Sports Tanker."

Digibandit automotive reporter - Myrna Cuntwich asked Dr. Hymen "But doesn't carrying that much fuel create the potential for huge and disastrous explosions ?"

He replied -- "Yes!"

Priests Should Be Casrated After Taking Final Vows

They won't need their nuts anymore anyway - and a lot of children will be saved from getting ravaged by the hordes of queer priests at "Club Vatican"

And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex lives - the Church is a haven for fruit cakes who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk their prey.

And -as we have found out - Your local Church has provided a fertile hunting ground with tens of thousands of victims - lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less).

And if you think it's not business as usual in the "God want's me to put my staff in your mouth" business - then you must be delusional!

You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Jessica Simpson walks into his bedroom naked.

So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queers into "Club Vatican."


Oh -and not to worry --God will keep their nuts safe until they get to Heaven.

Fox Announces- "America's Most Talented Folks on Medication"

Think -‘American idol” meets “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest”

Most of the population (across all demographic groups) is now taking drugs –or a combination of them:

Kids are line up at their summer camps to get their daily doses of Ritalin - mom and dad are taking bi-polar meds and woofing down pain killers and booze and alcohol - teenagers are basically walking pharmaceutical test laboratories - granny and pop pop need refrigerator sized medicine cabinets – and then there are the heavy duty schitzos and paranoids and severely manic and depressed -who with modern pschotropics get along (almost).

And – many of these folks have talent!

They can sing and dance and tell jokes! (juggling, knife throwing –high wire and other circus related activities will not be included).

These varied medicated conditions will provide the audience with a most refreshing and unique entertainment perspective and experience.

Nobody can sing the rthyme and blues or dance the polka like a medicated manic depressive - and nothing enhances a stand up routine like Alzheimer’s (you get the picture I’m sure).

Judging will take into consideration the level and intensity of the individual performers medication (which will be identified graphically in a lower third screen format):

Example --- Gene nelson from Yonkers New York will sing “Im Still Standing” by Elton John while performing a tai chi routine and is currently taking 300 milligrams of prosac – 100 of Valium and ten milligrams of lithium.

Talent judges will all be celebrities who are currently in rehab and heavily medicated themselves (in order to fully appreciate and fairly evaluate the medicated performances)

All contestantswill of course be drug tested to make sure they are not drug free,

Stay tuned!

People Who Kill Wolves Would Kill a Jew -No Problem

Sadly, in Idaho, wolves are nothing more than another game animal to be managed for the benefit of human hunters.

Beginning on Sept. 15, any Idaho hunter with a hunting license and $10.50 for a wolf tag will be entitled to shoot one wolf, at least until the quota of dead wolves in his region has been reached. And how will a hunter know if the local quota has been reached? There will be a hot line, of course/

A beatiful sentient social pack animal - genetic monarch of our beloved dogs - a magnificent symbol of beauty and freedom and the power and glory of our shrinking natural world;

Slaughtered by pscho red necks morons -for what?

These same sickos would eagerly purchase a game tag for the pure pleasure of shooting a "Wild Jew" -or any person of color.

How in the fuck can we let these pathetic sub humans roam among us with guns and liscences to kill for the pure pleasure of their demented egos?

Call your elected representatives - do something!

Fov Tv Announces "Stand Up With Conviction"

Once again the rulers of reality have found a way to produce a winning reality show that also benefits society!

It's not a piece of cake adjusting to society after you've done hard time -- but, if a felon is willing to "Stand Up" and turn his conviction into comedy for a nationwide TV audience -- they might just become "America's Funniest Felon"

A portion of all future entertainment earnings by the felons will be given to their victims --- And :"There will be categories for all types of felony offenses EXCEPT child abuse and necrophilia" -said Mike Darnit Fox TV reality president.

Darnit continued,"I just didn't think that there could possibly be anything funny about that one particular type of behavior - and i had to overrule my production people - which i very seldom do."

Mark Burnshit, whose production company will produce the show said;"We are working with the Federal Bureau of Prisons to help us identify potentially funny felons while they are serving their sentences and will send professional comics out to organize stand-up trials in the prison's exercise yards.."

Burnett concluded,"We are currently auditioning celebrity's with felony convictions to host the series - and there certainly is no shortage of qualified applicants."

Stay tuned! -Host recommendations?

John McCaine Looks Like Casper The Friendly Ghost -- Needs Sun Tan

John McCaine Needs A Sun Tan - "Casper" Has To Go
I just can't get over the resemblance of John McCain to Casper The Friendly Ghost ! (see picture on blog)

And now that it seems his opponent for the presidency will be Barak Obama - this ghostly image is most certainly going to haunt him!

I mean - watching the two of them together will look like a Ku Klux Klan inquisition. This will definitely work against McCain and he should begin getting sun tan treatments immediately.

When the tanned and younger looking McCain appears looking like a stockier version of George Hamilton it will be the end of Obama (and his Cunty wife)

Now that's the kind of strategic advice and guidance you won't get from most high paid political consultants.

Call me Hillary - it's not too late

Laura Bush Forces Jenna To Marry "Henry The Limp"

Remember this blog - well the clock is ticking!

Jenna Bush,fun loving and filled with vitality and spirit; has been pushed into an engagement with a waspy young republican conservative activist from a prominent (connected) West Virginia family.

They are basically rednecks with brooks brothers shirts. Henry is getting his MBA and has a bright future in money and republican politics.

This marriage will last about as long as it takes for Jenna to find someone who can light up her G spot --and spunky jenna won't be bullied by momma Bush for too long.

A Texas friend of Laura's told the bandit; "Laura told Jenna that she didn't want her marrying anyone like her drunken playboy father was when they first met -- and that if it is wasn't for Billy Graham -- GW would have wound up as a goofy drunkard instead of the worst President in American history,.

"She said; "Laura told Jenna to forget about all those silly notions about passion and spontaneity and exciting love and find a good Christian Republican Conservative from a fine family -- and no Kikes or dark skinned types."

Well, unless Henry turns out to be one fine hunka munka dive bomber -- he ain't gonna last long -- i'm betting on Jenna to find a real man!

Fox Announces "Extreme Buffet" - Obese Eating Contest --with Granada TV

Well it sure looks like another winner coming on board to Fox TVs summer reality show line-up!

"Extreme Buffet" will showcase ten obese men and women (nobody under four hundred pounds can join this group of extreme gluttons) - eating as much food as they can in twenty four hours.

The auditions and back-stories will be inter cut with the pigging out over the course of three half hour programs .

All the human hogs will be weighed in at the beginning - and those who finish will be reweighed - and the one who gained the most weight will win one million dollars.

"The buffet is truly amazing!" -said Granada TV show runner (Granada also produces the huge hit Hell's Kitchen for Fox) Miles (Monty) Python.

He went on: 'Every conceivable type of scrumptious cuisine is available - gigantic piles of ribs and lobsters - caviar by the bucketful - a three foot vat of mashed potatoes -every conceivable type of dessert - mounds and mounds of cheese -- it's the "Willy Wonka" factory of food - a fantastic fattening fiesta and:

" When our human eating machines charged in to attack the Buffet -to the sound of a trumpeting bull elephant - and hit that 'Extreme Buffet" - and started to consume it - it sounded like a flock of four hundred pound locusts hitting a corn field "

"It was so scary that my support crew panicked and bolted out of the studio! - We all felt a rush of panic - it was primordial - we actually felt like we could be devoured in the gluttonous orgy "

"It was like watching a feeding frenzy of giant flesh eating hogs! - I mean this is GREAT reality television!" said Curt Throwrup exec producer for Granada Television .

Curt expanded; "The savage eating sounds(and the gas pyrotechnics) -cut with compelling music production and comedic commentary and animal sound effects -will make this the water cooler show of the summer."

"I still think we should have called it "Hell's Buffet."