Celebs Who Said They Would Have Anal Sex With Obama

Also -The Pope -Ahmadinejad - Ayatollah Komeini - Pres. Putin of Russia and Rush Limbaugh - The Queen of England and Michelle Obama - More to follow:

Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne
-------B--------
Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields
-------C--------
Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox

-------D--------
Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*
-------E--------
Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly
-------F--------
Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie
-------G-------
Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow
-------H-------
Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank
-------I-------
Isaiah Washington
-------J-------
Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers
-------K-------
Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell
-------L--------
Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu
-------M-------
*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena
-------N-------
Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox
-------P-------
Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo
-------R-------
Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe
-------S-------
Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin
-------T-------
T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer
-------U-------
Uma Thurman
-------V-------
Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen
-------W-------
Will Smith William Shatner
-------Y-------
Yasmine Bleeth
-------Z-------
Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanel

" North Korea Says Sarah Palin Is From Outer Space

Sarah Palin Annihilation IS Reason For North Korean Rocket Launch

U.S. officials say. U.S. counterproliferation and intelligence officials have confirmed Japanese news reports of the launch of a North korean Rocket today.

North Korea announced its intention to launch the satellite in February. Regional powers worry the claim is a cover for the launch of a long-range missile capable of reaching Alaska. (to annihilate Sarah Palin)

National Intelligence Director Dennis Blair said earlier this month that all indications suggest North Korea will in fact launch a satellite and that the North Korean's reason is -- "Sarah Palin and her Alien spore."

Il Jong Cockhead -North Korea's leader has previously gone on record about his concerns regarding Sarah Palin "That woman is not human! - She is an Alien from another world - and she must be destroyed along with her Alien spore. (family)"

He said at the UN yesterday: " When a country as powerful as the United States was considering her for a leadership position we started taking her very seriously, as it was obvious to our Ancient Wise Men that she was a seriously damaged human being ."He continued; "We are a poor and humble nation but we cannot sit idly by and not be prepared to annihilate her when she leaves her human form and starts to destroy the world -

Think of the great western movie epic "Aliens" -that creature is Sarah Palin without her costume.""I know that sounds preposterous - but we have a mystical culture going back ten thousand years - and our wise men are shitting in their robes over that monstor."

America Needs Less Guns or More Bulletproof Vests

Guns Don’t Kill People” says the NRA “People Kill People” – Try Mass Murder With A Rock You Fucking Redneck Morons!

The mass shootings that left 14 people dead in Binghamton, N.Y., on Friday were horrifying, depressing, nationally wrenching. They were also, to some extent, unsurprising in a society where the term "mass shooting" has lost its status as unthinkable aberration and become mere fodder for a fresh news cycle.

"We have to guard against the senseless violence that this tragedy represents," President Barack Obama said in Europe on Saturday. Senseless violence: Two centuries from now, if we're not careful, it could be an epitaph for our era.

People are of course responsible for their actions, but it's hard to avoid wondering what's afoot in the darkest recesses of what we like to call American exceptionalism.

For so long, the national narrative has been so bullish about equality of opportunity, so persuasive in its romance of possibility for all.

Is it so subversive to speculate, then, that when the engine of possibility runs into roadblocks, people can't cope?

(Above is from an AP commentary)

Study Shows Children From Non - Broken Homes Are Miserable

" Children with parents living together with them - are now considered odd by their classmates -and are being tormented in school."

So says Dr. Moishe Pipick - President of research at the National Education Association - he announced the results from a new study on "Divorce In America and it's Impact on Children."

The Doctor stated, "Ninety percent of married men and women stay together out of guilt and misguided responsibility - or for financial reasons - and the study proves conclusively - that they are all fucked up and miserable - and that they make their kids crazier than divorced couples."

He went on; "And now these kids are hearing things like this - from the overwhelming majority of kids in school - who come from broken homes:"

"Hey - Johnny - Whatsamata - your father too poor or chicken to leave your mom?"

"Hey Mary -whatsamata - is your mom too fat to find another guy?"

Dr. Pipick continued; "I mean that is the more benign form of heckling - and these kids are taking a real beating because their parents are too selfish or chickenshit - or too fucked up to break-up. ( some kids are even spray painting 'Too Fucked-Up To Break Up!" on these poor kids lockers.

"Anyway the facts are in - and the message is clear - Get divorced or just split before you ruin your children."

Dr. Pipick concluded --"Even if your happy! - don't be selfish! --Do it for the kids!."

I hope Michelle Obama is listening.

Most Politicians and Rich and Connected Folks Are fair and Honest

April Fool

Because with one third of Obama's cabinet choices turning out to be tax cheats who got caught only after the vetting process - we now know what a fucking over the average citizen is getting - by the rich and powerful and well connected.

And we you think the AIG bonuses are shameful?

The IRS should stand for "The Institution Regulating Some Folks" - Us working class folks that is.

Sarah Palin IS Reason For North Korean Rocket Launch

U.S. officials say. U.S. counterproliferation and intelligence officials have confirmed Japanese news reports of the expected launch between April 4 and 8.
North Korea announced its intention to launch the satellite in February. Regional powers worry the claim is a cover for the launch of a long-range missile capable of reaching Alaska. (to annihilate Sarah Palin)



National Intelligence Director Dennis Blair said earlier this month that all indications suggest North Korea will in fact launch a satellite and that the reason is -- "Sarah Palin and her Alien spore."



Il Jong Cockhead -North Korea's leader has previously gone on record about his concerns regarding Sarah Palin "That woman is not human! - She is an Alien from another world - and she must be destroyed along with her Alien spore. (family)"



He said at the UN yesterday: " When a country as powerful as the United States was considering her for a leadership position we started taking her very seriously, as it was obvious to our Ancient Wise Men that she was a seriously damaged human being .



"He continued; "We are a poor and humble nation but we cannot sit idly by and not be prepared to annihilate her when she leaves her human form and starts to destroy the world - think of the great western movie epic "Aliens" -that creature is Sarah Palin without her costume."



"I know that sounds preposterous - but we have a mystical culture going back ten thousand years - and our wise men are shitting in their robes over that monstor,"



He concluded; " We don't want or need a ballistic missile - but we have to be sure wer'e ready when she breaks out of her pod"



Wow - i think he may have somethin there.

Fox TV Announces -"Spot The Pigs" -Starring Maury Povich

Moishe Pipick - head of program development at Fox television announced an exciting new reality program today - which will star Maury (bang bang) Povich.

"Maury is perfect for this show! - and we are so excited to see him back on prime time tv - and he has promised not to fuck any of the production staff - and - oh - here's theshow's premise;"

"Ten women - covered in those schmata robes that the Arab Muslim men think are so attractive - will be questioned by several couples who will compete - through their questioning and analysis - to figure out which one of the women is a georgeous'Piece of Ass' ( as we say in the trade)."

Pipick continued his show description; - "Nine of the women are "Pigs" - hence the name "Spot the Pigs" - and the couple who picks the one 'Piece of Ass' wins unbelievable prizes and lots of cashola"

"The couples are allowed to look at baby pictures of the women - pictures of their parents - and get to meet and question their boyfriends and/or husbands and past lovers - and they can ask them to move around and dance and - can ask questions about their sex lives - etcetera."

"Point being - as an example - that if you ask a women wether she's ever had anal sex - and her eyes kinda roll around in a weird kinda way under the burka - like it's a horrible thought - well you might deduce that she has an ass like a beer barrel -which no guy would want to stick his pecker in:

'Well you get the point (oops a pun) - and Maury will of course be adding to the fun as only he can do - and boy when those robes come off - it's gonna be a riot! - and very dramatic and exciting."

"Oh - and all the pigs get an extreme makeover as a prize - and the 'Piece of Ass' gets a role in a porno movie."

Pipick concluded; "We wanted to call the show "Pick the Piece of Ass" -but our network censors thought it was anti- feminist."

USA Should Issue "Breeding Visas"

By 2030 - the United States (Los Unidos Estatos) will be sixty eight percent (and growing) Hispanic - sooooooooooooo:

Just Remember - as the current congress frets about the future indebtiness of their lily white grandkids - it's the working class Hispanics - with their high fertility rates and condom averse Catholicism - that will be paying for all these bailouts and programs - and the festival of freebies that the Democrats are hosting.

Sooooo - let's get off the backs of our super generous latino brothers and sisters - legal and illegal alike - because THEIR grandchildren are going to do most of the paying for all the freebies and bailouts - and all the funny money that's flying out of the Treasury and Federal Reserve - As we speak!

Let's encourage more of our latino brothers and sisters to cross the border - and open our borders to all ethnic groups with solid track records of bountiful procreation - and supercharged fertility rates.

I say -If they can knock out a quick batch of future American loan repayers - let em in -come on in and join the party!

If a couple - has - say - five or six young children - and one in the oven - and you want into "Debtland America" - C'mon in - go to the head of the line - we can sure use your future debt repayers.

 SO -Let's issue  "Breeding Visas!" - if you agree to have a child every eighteen months - and you don't fall behind in your reproduction - and you agree to keep your "Repayers" in the USA for say 30 years:Your In! - Welcome To America!

It's a sensible solution in keeping with the great American tradition of letting the people who can least afford it - pay the bills!

Bolsheviks Harass Gentry In Their Homes - Demand Money

Russia 1917? - Nope - April 2009! - America

First some history:

The October Revolution/The Struggle For Power and the Rise of the Bolsheviks -Russia 1917

"On the one hand, “The property owning classes were becoming more conservative and the masses more radical (Reed 1)” Soon after the Provisional Government was in power many of the problems that helped them overthrow the Tsar still existed: Russia was still doing badly in the war, bread was still scarce and the people were calling for more drastic changes. The newly released radical leaders were whipping the common people into a frenzy and the policies of the Provisional Government were not helping them." = Wikipedia



So - cut to Moishe Pipick's wife - looking out her bay window overlooking Long Island Sound in Fairfield, Connecticut - she yells:



"Hey Moishey - There's a bus and some really mad people outside our driveway with sign saying - "Give back the money you greedy AIG Jew - or else!"



"Oye vey - don't worry Sarah - it's just the peasants from over in Bridgeport -who think they can get something for free - so they can go back home and drink themselves to death while watching American Idol."



"But Moishe" - says Sarah Pipick -"Maybe you should give back some of your bonus money - we have enough already - and who needs a pogrom right here in Fairfield?"



"Fuck them - i did my job! -I generated volume! - I was not responsible for their credit and collections - i never even saw a credit application - why are they picking on me? - I have a legal contract spelling out my responsibilities - what is this ?"



"It's like the Russian Revolution with the fucking peasants going nuts and the Bolsheviks just egging them on!"



"But Moishe - what should i do -there on the lawn?"



"Call the police and let out the Dobermans -and start packing!"



"Wer'e moving to Germany!"

Fertile Immigrants Can Hump US Out Of Debt

By 2030 - the United States (Los Unidos Estatos) will be sixty eight percent (and growing) Hispanic - sooooooooooooo:




Just Remember as the current congress frets about the future indebtiness of their lily white grandkids - it's the working class Hispanics - with their high fertility rates and condom averse Catholicism - that will be paying for all these bailouts and programs - and the festival of freebies that the Democrats are hosting.

Sooooo - let's get off the backs of our super generous latino brothers and sisters - legal and illegal alike - because THEIR grandchildren are going to do most of the paying for all the freebies and bailouts - and all the funny money that's flying out of the Treasury and Federal Reserve - As we speak!

Let's encourage more of our latino brothers and sisters to cross the border - and open our borders to all ethnic groups with solid track records of bountiful procreation - and supercharged fertility rates.

I say -If they can knock out a quick batch of future American loan repayers - let em in -come on in and join the party!

If a couple - has - say - five or six young children - and one in the oven - and you want into "Debtland America" - C'mon in - go to the head of the line - we can sure use your future debt repayers.

Maybe we issue temporary "Breeding Visas" - if you agree to have a child every eighteen months - and you don't fall behind in your reproduction - and you agree to keep your "Repayers" in the USA for say ten years:

Your In! - Welcome To America

It's a sensible solution in keeping with the great American tradition of letting the people who can least afford it - paying the bills!



I just hope THEY don't wise up down the road and start passing "Soak the Gringo's" legislation - and putting families with less than five children in a higher tax bracket.

America Needs A Sheriff With Big Brass Balls

Where's a John Wayne When You Need One?
Hey - would you let the government arbitrarily change the tax code to fuck you out of contractually earned income?

I mean- the American Revolution got started over crapola like that.

The congress - some Republicans aside - is scared shitless of the peasants marching towards their homes with torches and pitchforks looking for "Financial Frankensteins" like poor Chris Dodd.

I mean- just ask the average person out there what a derivative is or a credit swap - and they will ask you what channel it's on.

And our chicken shit legislators just run for cover instead of playing the tough instructive sherrif with the ignorant lynch mob : --"Ok - no problema - here's the keys to their cell - there's the tree over there - here's a nice rope "

Where's a John Wayne when you need one?

"Welluh put down that torch and rope pardner - you are just an ignorant fired up jerkoff - go home and beat up your wife - and leave financial justice to folks with IQ's over seventy five."

What a bunch of unprincipled wimps those congressional democrats are - and that includes the head wimp himself . (You know who)

It's so disgusting - this whole hyped up fucking uproar!

These bonus recipients would have gotten paid per their contracts if NO bailout was provided - the bailout was provided out of necessity - and the bonus' are a drop in the bucket - a tiny percent of the bailout money. And this is VERY complicated shit they are dealing with -they are not just a bunch of greedy morons - you think they wanted this collapse?

They took risks and made mistakes - just like everone else - from the high rollers to the schmucky borrowers.

And even if you don't care about taxation without representation and a blatant confiscatory breech of contracts - you SHOULD care about not having the most qualified people around to get AIG back to normal.

But - Nooo - the jerkoffs in congress are willing to abuse their power - and lie - and do or say anything to appease you - their ignorant emotional constituents - the mob - whenever the going gets rough.

We need John Wayne! - Not Gomer Pyle!

Anyway - any AIG bonus recipient worth his salt is in Las Vegas - driving around in a new ferrari - and getting laid by five- hundred dollar an hour hookers - Before Uncle Sam gets to pick his pockets.

Where's a John Wayne When You Need One?

Hey - would you let the government arbitrarily change the tax code to fuck you out of contractually earned income?



I mean- the American Revolution got started over crapola like that.

The congress - some Republicans aside - is desperate to avoid the peasants marching towards their homes with torches and pitchforks looking for "Financial Frankensteins" like poor Chris Dodd.


I mean- just ask the average person out there what a derivative is or a credit swap - and they will ask you what channel it's on. And our chicken shit legislators just run for cover instead of playing the tough instructive sherrif with the ignorant lynch mob :

Ok - no problema - here's the keys to their cell - there's the tree over there - here's a nice rope.

Where's a John Wayne when you need one?

"Welluh put down that torch and rope pardner - you are just an ignorant fired up jerkoff - go home and beat up your wife - and leave financial justice to folks with IQ's over seventy five."

What a bunch of unprincipled wimps those congressional democrats are - and that includes the head wimp himself . (You know who)

It's so disgusting - this whole hyped up fucking uproar!


These bonus recipients would have gotten paid per their contracts if NO bailout was provided - the bailout was provided out of necessity - and the bonus' are a drop in the bucket - a tiny percent of the bailout money. And this is VERY complicated shit they are dealing with -they are not just a bunch of greedy morons - you think they wanted this collapse?

They took risks and made mistakes - just like everone else - from the high rollers to the schmucky borrowers.


And even if you don't care about taxation without representation and a blatant confiscatory breech of contracts - you SHOULD care about not having the most qualified people around to get AIG back to normal.


But - Nooo - the jerkoffs in congress are willing to abuse their power - and lie - and do or say anything to appease you - their ignorant emotional constituents - the mob - when the going gets rough.

We need John Wayne!

Anyway - any AIG bonus recipient worth his salt is in Las Vegas - driving around in a new ferrari - and getting laid by five- hundred dollar an hour hookers - Before Uncle Sam gets to pick his pockets.

Fox TV Announces "The Miss MiddleEast Contest - With Donald Trump

Fox TV president Moishe Pipick said at a press conference announcement in West Hollywood today:

“We sent Donnie to the Middle East after he came up with this idea of a programming extension of “The Miss America Contest” - And we were quite frankly very concerned as to the possibility of finding talent that was smart and had nice tits and legs and asses – because you never hear from or see any of the gals over there.”

He continued: ‘But the Donald assured us that he had seen some of the hottest women he has ever seen anywhere - in private clubs and exclusive whorehouses over there – and also felt that the show could help liberate the Muslim women and would even help the Israeli /Palestinian peace process.”

“Well boy did he come back with a bunch of hot Arab tomatoes!

"I mean - they make the Victoria Secret models look like Barbara Bush - No wonder those Muslims cover em up that way they do!”

Pipick concluded: “Anyway it’s gonna be a great show – and hopefully the beginning of a cultural breakthrough with the Arab Muslims – and their superhot women.”

“I’m already thinking – “The Desperate Housewives of Medina”

Pope Benedick Wacks Off WITHOUT A Condom -Says Priests

Pope Benedick Caught Wacking Off By Young Priests

In a display of hypocrisy rare even for the leader of the Catholic Church, The Pope, shortly after announcing that; "People who fornicate with condoms or practice rhythm or masturbate or "pullout" (withdrawing the penis and ejaculating outside the pussy he explained) --are sinners and will be denied God's grace." -- was caught hiding in a Vatican confessional chamber where he was jerking off!

Two young Priests were walking hand in hand past the chanber when they heard muffled cries in German; "Oye mine Gutt - mmm --ooh -- aaah -- vey is mir -Jesus fucking Mary and Christ -- Gevalt!"

"They opened the sacred chamber and found the Pope slumped in the corner with a pair of panties dangling from his teeth -- "and there was Pope Cum everywhere!"

"And he was NOt wearing a condom!"

So said the Priests who have been reassigned to Missionary work among the tribal regions of Afghanistan, where their mission is to convert Pashtun tribal chiefs and Muslim warlords to Christianity.

The Pope denied the accusations; " The Bible clearly states in Fairy Tale number three,verse twelve, Book one of 'The Gospel of Sol" -- that, 'Thou shalt not spill thy seed upon the ground or on the face of a whore, or in the mouth of a faggot, or within one hundred yards of a Jew."

The Pope went on; "And we'll just see how well two lying pansy priests make out with the Muslim hillbillies in Afghanistan." -- that comment ought to get a rise (pun) out of the worldwide Muslim community!

The digibandit Vatican reporter -Margo Macaroni was asked, off the record, by Vatican press chief Cardinal Guido Morioni -- "Is nothing sacred to you New York hebe motherfuckers?"

We officially replied, "Yes -- Truth and Justice and Satire."

AIG Trader Captured By the "One Eyed Video Cam Hooker"

Top AIG trader Moishe Pipick was in las Vegas on his bonus spending spree.

He bought a brand new canary yellow Ferrari - drove over to his fifteen thousand dollar a night Emperor’s Suite at the Trump Palace – and promptly called a five thousand dollar an hour hooker –AKA Elise Mandelbaum,

But unbeknownst to Mr. Pipick - he was about to get fucked AND videotaped by the famous documentarian with the prosthetic eye-cam - AKA “The One Eyed Video Cam Hooker.”

So –now we have a top tier AIG derivatives swap trader swapping his pecker with a georgeous hooker with a camera in her eye – and telling ALL.

“What’s all the fuss about my four million dollar bonus? Come on! – I earn one thousand dollars a second in a BAD week – the average schmuck earns maybe twenty CENTS a second,

And you know why? – Because the amount of moola that I move around the world in a week - would take nine thousand workers at Wal Mart a lifetime to generate!

I’m a fucking talented genius – I work under incredible pressure – and it’s not my fault that the fucking bubble burst! –I live WITHIN my means –not like all those fucking spend and shop losers out there – defaulting on all their obligations.

And hey – I have a signes contract –what is this Russia? –You just make up the rules as you go along to suit the State and appease the ignorant peasants when they get really pissed off?

Oh – hey – and have you seen any of us AIG traders interviewed by the press? – No No No - Dontch'a think someone ought to tell our side of the story?

Well – What Moishe Pipick doesn’t know is – as he ordered up another bottle of Dom Perignon and three ounces of Beluga Caviar :

That he just did! – While getting a blow job from “The One –Eyed VideoCam Hooker”

We’ll keep an eye out for you!

AIG Played By The Rules - Unlike Most Everybody Else

With the peasants stalking the streets with pitch forks and torches - looking for financial Frankensteins in every nook and corner -they should take a deep breath and focus on who is really to blame for our financial system turning into a Wall street version of Caesar's Palace.



The White House -The Congress - the Treasury Department - the Federal reserve - The lenders - Moody's and Standard and Poors and regulators and most of the press - yadadadada - it wasn't those high powered folks at AIG who just played the hand that was dealt them - and they played it by the book -(or i assume they would be arrested by now)



They made compensation agreements - and they should be paid!


Hey - uncle Sam is not bailing them out because he's a supportive avuncular relative - we fucking have to - there's over two hundred dollars in derivatives floating around out there!



Chuck Grassly wants them all to commit suicide? - Great - right after congress passes out the poisoned kool aid and does it's warranted imitation of the Jim Jones clan in Guayana. -for their collective role in this monstrous financial fiasco.



Hey -it's so simple - the investment and political class has basically no idea of what's happening in working class America until the shit hits the fan - never has - never will!



Anybody who sat in some local shitty watering hole across America - during the past eight years and listened to the chat knew that America had turned into a fucking consumer version of a las Vegas casino



Buy Buy Buy - forget health insurance - get some more stuff - save nothing - what if the shit hits the fan? - hahaha - i'll borrow some more on my house and credit cards -- hahaha - have another beer -yahaha - yodedodo ...



And the upper class has no fucking clue - the brainy financial wizards don't give a shit - their working on the vig - they get a piece of the action - just keep the action going like a successful Casino does.



Only in Vegas they don't lend the moola to buy the chips - sooooo -just think about a mere one million people going south on three hundred thousand dollar mortgages. - And when the housing bubble goes pop (for a very minor example) -and - oops- there goes three hundred trillion in funny money.



Game Over!

And they didn't see it coming! -How fucking out of touch can you be! - I mean the average schmuck can't balance his checking account - but our "Royalty" is supposed to sound the alarm - but they were oblivious and rollin in the do re mi.

Yeah - just like Louie and Marie before the French Revolution - only in America - as usual - wer'e chopping off the wrong heads.



Oh -and now when the shit hits the fan - nobody's got what the old post depression crowd used to call "Fuck You Money" in the bank to hold them over -just in case.



And - i repeat - nobody who was supposed to sound warning bells about that kind of shit was paying attention - they were too busy rolling the dice - and playing partisan politics. (Just like Obama is doing now -over this AIG stupidity)



So blame your greedy fucking stupid selves - and your lawmakers and regulators - not AIG - they were just doing what they were supposed to do and messed up - so fire them!



But no! -The peasants are really pissed - so give em what they need - more bullshit.

It's a lot easier than calling it straight.

Obama Must Get Behind (pun) The Gays - 100% Now!

In a letter on Feb. 20 to the Administrative Office of the United States Courts, an arm of the federal judiciary, Lorraine E. Dettman, assistant director of the personnel office, said,



“Plans in the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program may not provide coverage for domestic partners, or legally married partners of the same sex, even though recognized by state law.”



Benefits are available to the spouse of a federal employee, Ms. Dettman said, but the 1996 law stipulates that “the word ‘spouse’ refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.”





This draconian provision is left over from the Bush Rednecks and their "Defense of marriage Act" - and Obama should throw it out with the other garbage he has already dumped from the deep shithole of the conservative agenda.




Mr. Prezidente - P;ease don't start playing patsy with the congress on core principles - the people are with you all the way - they know the GOP is pretty much a bunch of wack jobs.



Ben LaBolt, a White House spokesman, said: “While the president opposes gay marriage, he supports legislative repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act. He believes this country must realize its founding promise of equality by treating all its citizens with dignity and respect.”



So - you gotta follow through on your high principles:



And -stick it up the GOP's ass! (oops another homo pun) -Sorry...........

Pope Benedick Caught Wacking Off By Young Priests

Pope Caught Masturbating In A Vatican Confessional Chamber
In a display of hypocrisy rare even for the leader of the Catholic Church, The Pope, shortly after announcing that; "People who fornicate with condoms or practice rhythm or masturbate or "pullout" (withdrawing the penis and ejaculating outside the pussy he explained) --are sinners and will be denied God's grace." -- was caught hiding in a Vatican confessional chamber where he was jerking off!

Two young Priests were walking hand in hand past the chanber when they heard muffled cries in German; "Oye mine Gutt - mmm --ooh -- aaah -- vey is mir -Jesus fucking Mary and Christ -- Gevalt!" -- they opened the sacred chamber and found the Pope slumped in the corner with a pair of panties dangling from his teeth -- "and there was Pope Cum everywhere!" said the Priests who have been reassigned to Missionary work among the tribal regions of Afghanistan, where their mission is to convert Pashtun tribal chiefs and Muslim warlords to Christianity.

The Pope denied the accusations; " The Bible clearly states in Fairy Tale number three,verse twelve, Book one of 'The Gospel of Sol" -- that, 'Thou shalt not spill thy seed upon the ground or on the face of a whore, or in the mouth of a faggot, or within one hundred yards of a Jew." --

He continued, "And we'll see how well two lying pansies make out with the Muslim hillbillies in Afghanistan." -- that comment ought to get a rise (pun) out of the worldwide Muslim community?

The digibandit Vatican reporter -Margo Macaroni was asked, off the record, by Vatican press chief Cardinal Guido Morioni -- "Is nothing sacred to you New York hebe motherfuckers?"

We officially replied, "Yes -- Truth and Justice and Satire."

One Eyed Hooker Has Videos Of Rush Limbaugh l

One-eyed filmmaker conceals camera in prosthetic :

BRUSSELS - Elise Mandelbaum a one-eyed documentary filmmaker and high priced prostitute has recorded Rush Limbaugh with a video camera concealed inside her prosthetic eye.


The georgeous Belgian's eye was damaged in a childhood accident and it was removed three years ago. Now, she is in the final stages of developing a camera to turn the handicap into an advantage.

A fan of the 1970s televsion series "The Six Million Dollar Man" (ooh what a schwanstucker he must have i thought) - Elise had an epiphany when looking at her cell phone camera and realizing something that small could fit into her empty eye socket.

With the camera tucked inside a prosthetic eye, she hopes to be able to record the same things she sees with his working eye, her muscles moving the camera eye just like her real one.

Also, said Ms. Mandelbaum - as a hooker i get to see the real character of a lot of powerful assholes and tyrants like Rush Limbaugh.

"I want his fans to see him dressed up like a girl - crying ' Spank me! Spank me! -I'm a bad little girl - I have a pee pee -and I'm a bad little girl!' ( he's always stoned on Oxycotin)- Then maybe they won't think he's so righteous when he rants and preaches his intolerant bullshit!"

"Sometimes he begs me to wear a white robe and tell him i am God - and that it's ok for him to have a pee pee. (and a tiny one at that)" - said Ms. Mandelbaum.

She concluded; "And i have videos of some world leaders - including the Pope and Ahmadinejad - that are real eye openers (a pun - sorry)"

"And i'll be showing you all some great stuff in the future - and in the meantime -I'll keep an eye out for ya! "

Ha Ha Ha Ha

Rush Limbaugh Has Sex With Sheep On His Farm

Oxycotin Gets Rush Limbaugh In Cotton

The Bandit has learned that rabid conservative Mullah, Rush Limbaugh, made love to one of his prize sheep, in the barn, on his farm in Pennsylvania.

Clem Manure, farm manager said "his addiction to Oxycotin has taken over his mind -- he was plowing Cotton and he kept screaming "take it Laura you slut" -- referring to Laura Ingram his kinky conservative colleague"

Clem came forward because he is an animal activist and said that: "Dolly is so embarrased she has stopped grazing -- she won't come out of her stall -- plus there's the rest of the herd to think about."

Shawn Hannity , a Limbaugh lover said on Fox news this morning : "What's the big deal? -- it was a mature sheep and she probably asked for it."

And John Mc Caine said "I always knew Rush would fuck a snake - but this is too much -Rush needs to stay off the drugs - baa baaa - heh heh"

Mullahs Expelled From Government - Hallelujah!

One prominent advocate of stem cell research is Dr. Moishe Pipick, executive vice president for government relations and operations at the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. Mr. Dr. Pipick said in a telephone interview Friday that he was sure that Mr. Obama would indeed signal a return to an era of “scientists making scientific decisions.”

So -at long last - the religious fanaticks have been cut out of public policy making decisions - and can nowcentrate full time on their primary mission:

Brainwashing - collecting souls - and repressive sex.

Next -The Gun morons!

Endangered Homeowners Should Take In Prisoners

Hey - with one in thirty two 'Folks" on probation or incarcerated in the good ole USA (most for non -violent crimes)- at an average annual cost in Federal prison of over 50k per year - why not let homeowners who can't make their payments:

Get paid by Uncle Sam to house them!

The average homeowner could take two prisoners for say half of what the Fed pays out - and have enough income to pay the mortgage - and enough left over to go shopping,

The prisoners would have a chance to acclimate back into society in a way that might cut down on recidivism -saving society a ton of grief and money.

And - Team Obama would get enough savings to complete health Care reform.

Hey - this may be the digibandit's best idea for saving America - since recommending Bernie Madoff for Treasury Secretary.

(Oh -and the government would pay a hefty premium for homeowners who house violent prisoners - of course)

Defense Secretary Gates is Grandson of W.C Fields

Check out the pictures

Alan Greenspan - NOW we Understand

The derivatives market today is $531 trillion, up from $106 trillion in 2002 and a relative pittance just two decades ago. Theoretically intended to limit risk and ward off financial problems, the contracts instead have stoked uncertainty and actually spread risk amid doubts about how companies value them.

The contracts allowed financial services firms and corporations to take more complex risks that they might have otherwise avoided — for example, issuing questionable mortgages or excessive corporate debt. The fact that they can be traded in one sense limited risk but also increased the number of parties exposed when problems emerged.

Throughout the 1990s, some argued that derivatives had become so vast, intertwined and inscrutable that they required federal oversight to protect the financial system. But the financial industry lobbied heavily against such measures, and won backing from important figures, including Alan Greenspan, chairman of the Federal Reserve from 1987 to early 2006.

Remember when all the financial wizards would sit around wondering what Alan meant by that look in his eyes when he said "Hmmm" - or when he farted after saying "interest rate" - sniffing to see which way his gas floated - or what he said when he mumbled "isa ghriia" - What? - What are you saying oh genius seer -God - of all matters fiscal?"

Well - now we know what he was saying :

"Ha Ha Ha -you goyisha Jew haters -I'm going home to fuck Andrea -and kish meir in tuchas (kiss my ass) all you waspy dickheads."

"Recession" or "Depression" or "Global Shithole?"

Their bullshit forecasts change weekly!

Mark Zandi, chief economist of Moody’s Economy.com, now places the odds of “a mild depression” at 25 percent, up from 15 percent three months ago. In that view, the unemployment rate would reach 10.5 percent by the end of 2011 — up from 7.6 percent at the end of January — average home prices would fall 20 percent on top of the 27 percent they have plunged already, and losses in the financial system would more than triple, to $3.7 trillion.
Allen Sinai, chief global economist at the research firm Decision Economics, sees a 20 percent chance of “a depressionlike possibility,” up from 15 percent a week ago.

But - Dr Moishe Pipick -head economist for the World Financial Forum - in Berne ,Switzerland annouinced today:

"We are in a "Global Shithole" - our research shows that eighty nine percent of the global population -and seventy two percent of the people living in the largest industrial nations (make that seventy three percent in the USA) - strongly feel - they are up to their shoulders in a "Shithole."

Dr. Pipick continued: "We at the Forum strongly recommend that economists stop playing pussy with the words - let's call a spade a spade (or a shovel ha ha) - wer'e in a "Global Shithole" - and right now i'd say wer'e up to our chests;

"The only question is - whether the "Shit" will cover our eyes and bury us completely?"

He concluded; "We can't effectively deal with all the financial shit unless we closely monitor the depth at which we are buried in it:

"So from now on all our forecasts and analysis and reporting about "The Global Shithole" - should begin with an "In -depth Report":

"For example - 'As of today at three pm we are projecting that by the end of March - We will be in " A Global Shithole" - Up to our necks.'

American's Who Get Bailout Aid Should Not Eat Ice Cream

Or drink soda or beer - or any booze - or eat any desert - or watch or rent movies - or use disposable diapers - or buy toys - and NO unecessary travel - and absolutely no unprotected sex - no caffeine - no premium cable -no unecessary recreation - you want excercise go for a walk>



Hey - We solvent American's who saved for a rainy day do not want to pay for your Obama freeebies!

At least the wall street folks and bankers who fucked us get some business return on their business partying -but you greedy losers are still spending your way deeper into this shithole - on crap and crapola you don't absolutely need - believing us suckers will bail you out.

Well wer'e pissed - and we ants don't want to pay for your grasshopper lifestyles anymore.

Oh - and no more lottery cards - and coffee - and drugs - and even premium toilet paper - and text messeging fees - or high speed cable (go to the library) -And no more video games and itunes and...



Hey - your'e on the fucking dole - you don't get any more goodies you can't afford (or need)!

Just like the bankers and insurance and car companies and all those bums that are on the dole - your right in the shithole next to them!

Get a big shovel and start digging - the rest of us are tired of bailing you out!


And no more haircuts and beauty parlor bullshit - get a scissors!

Oh -and buy some candles!





Have a giant yard sale - sell all your unecessary crap and spend your Obamadollars frugally - only on the necessities - and

Travis the Chimpanzee Was Horny and Was Murdered

Dr. Moishe Pipick -head of primate veterinary medicine at Cornell University's world renowned Ape Clinic said today:

"It's quite simple - Travis went Ape! - he was no different than a teenaged boy with his thumper ready to explode and being teased by some naughty cheerleader - EXCEPT:

"Chimps have four times the testosteronr level of a young man!"

Dr. Pipick was asked by Elise Mandelbaum - digibandit animal reporter;

"Well -Dr. Pipick - do you think that people should be allowed to own Cimpanzees? -Can it be done safely?"

Dr. Pipick replied: 'Yes! Definitely! -But -if the owner is a woman - she must be prepared to have sex with her Chimp."

"Oh - and by the way - Chimps make super sexual partners!"

He concluded; "In my professional opinion - Travis was murderd for no reason other than the ignorance of his owner -and the police."

Pro Baseball Should Allow " Fully Doped Players"On teams

AhA - another breakthrough/visionary solution to a thorny and contentious cultural issue of large magnitude! (from the digibandit)

Each major league baseball team would be allowed three players (an infielder - pitcher and outfielder) into the line-up - who are juiced up to the max on performance enhancing drugs .

I mean these guys will be like Drago in Rocky Four ( you know - the drugged up Russian fighter) - they will be as juiced up as modern medicine can juice them!

So - then - we will find out precisely how enhancing these drugs really are - and we will know exactly who is who for the sake of posteritry - And And And :

Baseball will become a lot more fun -with a whole new strategic dimension - and the kids will love it.

If it works - we can have a whole new division(s) of totally souped up - androidic players competing with semi and non androidic divisions - and:

Ultimately - a glorious total fusion between professional sports and human robots!

The ultimate video game - and you know it's gotta happen!

Iron Man beware! -Here comes Bond Man -and i don't mean James!




















Baseball will get a whole new strategic dimension and

Homeless Get Screwed In Bailout Package

The homeless have tiny carbon imprints - they use minimal energy and are not generally obese.

They pay high taxes (seventy five percent of their income goes for highly taxed alcohol and cigarettes)

They don't get welfare or food stamps

They die young using minimal government funded health services

The homeless didn't purchase homes they couldn't afford

They don't have bad credit card debt - or default on car loans.

The homeless are being hit hard by the practices and habits of avaricious greedy financiers - and shopping mad consumers - and none of the economic collapse is their fault!

How about some bailout moola for these fine citizens?

And - fortunately - soon - there will be a lot more of these modern versions of the hunter gatherers.

Women Workers Have Ruined The Economy and The Culture

There was a time - not long ago:


When women ran the household and nurtured their children


When a man - with one job - supplied all the material needs of the family


When kids were watched over and played outside


When kids were not obese and drugged out


When parents were not obese and drugged out


When being in debt from buying unecessary crap was unecessary

When men felt like they had balls

when women felt like women

When kids felt like kids

When miserable men could afford to get divorced

Women should give their jobs to men - eventually ending the whole unemployment and reversing the cultural mess were in.

cc Lawrence Summers -head of Obama National Economic Council

U.S Unemployed Hump Like Muslims and Africans

I always wondered why Arab and African countries had such huge birth rates.

I mean - terrible sanitary conditions - no air conditioning (in stifling heat and humidity) - tremendous rates of infection due to ignorance and lack of medical attention - no beds - no privacy :

Stinky and sweaty and weak from lack of nutrition - but these guys can't stop fucking the ugliest nastiest women on the planet?

Well now we have the answer! - Dr. Moishe Pipick, head of cultural anthropology at the United Nations Center For Reproductive Studies - announced today in Berne Switzerland:

"The historically low United States birth rate has soared during their economic collapse!"

He stated;"At their current rate of reproduction the United States is approaching third world levels -and this will seriously add to their societal challenges - specifically - increased carbon footprints and family trauma - along with child and spousal abuse - economic hardship and resource drainage."

Digibandit cultural analyst -Elise mandelbaum - asked Dr. Pipick, "To what do you attribute the high birth rate increases?"

He replied; "Just like in the Arab and African countries - a man with nothing better to do - will fuck a snake!"

I should have known it - just look around.

Ariel Sharon Had Erection All During Gaza Strike

Dr.Moishe Pipick the attending physician to former Israeli Prime Minister and highly decorated general - Ariel Sharon - made a startling announcement today from the revered warriors bedside , who has been in a coma for nine months now:


" I was checking on his vital signs two weeks ago - and just as the news of our blitz on Hamas came over the airwaves - He got a huge hard - on!"

"The Doctor continued; "He was smiling - and as each new wave of our attack was announced - his erection grew bigger and harder!"



"We had to pack his huge member in ice for fear that it might explode - and finally when the truce was announced - his penis returned to normal."



Dr. Pipick concluded; "He was israeli's greatest warrior - and even in his coma - he is fighting alonside our brave men and women."

"Oh and lately i have noticed his cock is stirring a bit - so Hamas better be careful!"

Can you imagine when the Israeli's finally take out the Iranian plutonium enrichment sites?

Sharon's putz will go nuclear!

G.W Bush America's Greatest President -Including Lincoln

The only free election Iraqi's had under Sadam was which one of their children to send to the palace for a rape fest presided over by his two psycho sons.



It's been messy as hell - but when the smoke clears we will have a Democratic Arab country (formerly an oxymoron) and an ally instead of a fascist and rabid dystopian bunch of mad dogs with a huge army - contantly threatening their neighbors and terrorizing it's population.



Oh - and all this post economic collapse moola that will be flowing into programs and the pockets of needy Americans? - It's forthcoming only because the Bushies fucked up the economy so bad.



Doubling the education budget - medicaid - unemployment - pell grants - stem cell research - condoms for all - tax cuts - infrastructure - new pro union and civil rights legislation -infrastructure spending- the list of lower and middle class goodies is huge! (and needed for sure)



But - none of that money and none of those new social programs would have been passed in a fifty years - without the mess that GW made of the country and the Republican Party.



And - many folks think he did it on purpose because he promised Billy Graham (and Laura) that he would he would do something "Christian" for Humanity (to make up for his early "happy" years")



Now Lincoln and Washington and Teddy and Franklin ..... -- They were great Presidents too!



But - they just don't come close to the amazing achievements of good old G.W Bush!

Escort Services Thrive During Collapse of Economy

Figures released today by the world wide prostitution tracking agency - 'Global Hooker Data Inc.'- show that Escort Services - and even low level street prostitution is thriving - during this global financial collapse.

Meyer Pinsky - a jeweler from Bensonhurst in brooklyn N.Y seemed to sum up the situation:

"Hey look - it's like this - i can't afford to take my Ruthy and the kids out on the town anymore! - i mean the only folks buying jewelry these days are the pimps - and that makes sense - because - well take me for example,

For a hundred bucks i get my clock cleaned by a sexy young professional - and i feel like a new man. It costs twice as much to take out the familyAnd - it's a real strain with the money being tight and all - and i don't even get a decent blow job from my Ruthy."

Another interesting trend that the research showed - was that a significant number of men and women are starting to turn tricks as an income generating alternative to the weak job market.

Listen up Obama! - maybe it's time to provide vocational training money and tax credits in the stimulus package for future hookers?

Taliban's Broadcasts Get Higher Ratings Than Howard Stern

PESHAWAR, Pakistan — Every night around 8 o’clock, the terrified residents of Swat, a lush and picturesque valley a hundred miles from three of Pakistan’s most important cities, crowd around their radios. They know that failure to listen and learn might lead to a lashing — or a beheading.
.
Using a portable radio transmitter, a local Taliban leader, Shah Doran, on most nights outlines newly proscribed “un-Islamic” activities in Swat, like selling DVDs, watching cable television, singing and dancing, criticizing the Taliban, shaving beards and allowing girls to attend school. He also reveals names of people the Taliban have recently killed for violating their decrees — and those they plan to kill.

I just hope there aren't any Aliens listening to these broadcasts or the Earth is toast!

And who would blame them? - Most of the so called civilized countries of the world (like Germany and France) -won't even send combat troops to help eradicate these fuckers.

Can you imagine the pain these local villagers are enduring 24/7?

Obama Proposes "Fat Tax" To Reduce Carbon Emissions

Obama said today – at a press conference - “Ok you tubby citizens – and that includes my dear porky pal Oprah and my big butted wife (heh heh) – Cut down on the rice – or pay the price”


“Put down the fork or pay for your pork!”


He continued saying I am very serious about this issue because:


“You can toss your empty soda cans in the recycle bin instead of the garbage, saving energy and reducing landfill. Or you can wear hemp clothes and drive a hybrid car plastered with bumper stickers requesting the salvation of everything from owls to dust mites.


There are lots of little ways to go green, but if you really want to help save the Earth, you can start by dropping a few pounds.


There's an old joke about a mother telling her son to finish the food on his plate because there are starving children in Africa. The smart-aleck's response is, "Got a stamp?"


What's not a joke is that there is a finite amount of food in the world, and it is growing scarce. Recent food riots Haiti, Sudan, Yemen, Mexico, Egypt, and other countries are a stark reminder that many people do not have enough to eat. The cost of staple foods such as corn, rice, and wheat are at record highs across the globe, and some can't afford to feed their families.


Meanwhile in the United States, obesity is at an all-time high; two-thirds of adults in the Land of Plenty are overweight or obese. Obesity is perhaps the ultimate symbol of resource consumption; it's visible proof that overweight people already has more than they need—and take more anyway.


The causes of food shortages are varied and complex, but if Americans simply ate less food, there would be more for the rest of world. By some estimates, the average American consumes about 4,000 calories per day; that's twice what they need. Those 2,000 fewer calories would be available for those who truly need the food, and help to conserve Earth's natural resources.


Overweight people create more air pollution than thin people do. It's simple physics: Extra pounds translate into extra fuel in automobiles and airplanes. Extra fuel means increased energy usage, oil drilling, and air pollution.


A 2004 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that for every ten pounds gained by the average American, airlines burned 350 million more gallons of fuel to carry the additional weight. That fuel spewed an estimated 3.8 million extra tons of carbon dioxide into the air.


And as for that smaller hybrid car? It's a good start, but there's not much point in buying fuel-efficient vehicles if you're going to fill that large seat with your extra-large butt; you might as well throw a few sandbags in the trunk. Fuel efficiency drops dramatically with more weight the engine has to pull; the lighter you are, the less gas you burn, the more money you save, and the less pollution you emit.


Of course, going green by going lean is easier said than done, and only part of the problem. But by getting ourselves healthier we also help save the planet. Not a bad deal.”


"God Bless all your fat asses.”

People In Texas Have Smaller Brains - Study Proves

The chairman of the Texas school board, Dr. Don McLeroy, a dentist, pushed in 2003 for a more skeptical version of evolution to be presented in the state’s textbooks, but could not get a majority to vote with him. Dr. McLeroy has said he does not believe in Darwin’s theory and thinks that Earth’s appearance is a recent geologic event, thousands of years old, not 4.5 billion as scientists contend.

"Texan's voted for this jerk to run their schools! -They have the highest number of execution convictions overturned by the Supreme Court - The highest number of executions - the most guns per capita - the most animal killers (hunters) - the most smokers and obesity cases per capita -the most cases of domestic violence and rape and forced sodomy in the nation - the highest rate of alcoholism and drug addiction - the most "in-closet" numbers of homosexuals - the highest number of felons per capita and cases of hate crimes - they lead the world in arson and murder and felony assaults per capita - and they have the most Christian Fundamendalists and churchgoers of any other state. - and more prescriptions for mental illness problems are prescribed than anywhere on earth - and they have the lowest reading and math scores in America - and they have the lowest number of Jews per capita."

So said Dr. Moishe pipick of the World Research Foundation who concluded:

'There is obviously something in the Texan culture that inhibits normal brain functioning. -- Genetically speaking - these folks are not all there!"

Obama's Ratings Plunge After Crybaby Speech

Trying to emulate Winston Churchill with a speech that asked us all to man the barricades against the doom and utter gloom and forces of destruction at our doorsteps landed on mostly deaf ears because while a ton of people are in a financial shithole:


We are not in the midst of a blitkreig or even a plain old blitz - running for cover as the bombs annihilate our neighbors and neighborhood.

That will probably come later but for now "Hey my fellow Americans - i know many of you are having severe money problems - but it's only money - i mean it's not like bad x rays - wer'e gonna fix this - so buck up and cut down as best you can - and eat a lot of governmentcheese ."

Would have sufficed! - I mean the average American listening to Obama's histrionics yesterday would have been more uplifted by reading Cormac McCarthy's latest novel - or watching "Mad Max Superdome"

Anyway - his numbers dropped from a positive 72 percent down to a 61 - and at that rate folks will be crying for the calm strength and ballsy leadership of Bush/Cheney before the years out.

I mean - it's only money - what a pussy - keep your powder dry Obama!

Your'e gonna need it!

When the shit really hits the fan!

Gazan's Celebrate Huge Victory - Congratulations You Morons

Israel and Hamas both ceased fire on Sunday, after an offensive that claimed the lives of some 1,300 Palestinians, according to Gaza health officials, and 13 Israelis. The last of Israel's ground troops were expected to pull out of Gaza on Tuesday if the quiet holds, defense officials said.

The first estimates by independent surveyors said Gaza lost nearly $2 billion in assets, including 4,100 homes, about 1,500 factories and workshops, 20 mosques, 31 security compounds, and 10 water or sewage lines. Shattered glass and mounds of rubble littered city streets.

"With full trust and full confidence I say the Palestinian people and the heroic resistance have won this battle," Mushir al-Masri, a Hamas official, said Monday. "Hamas today is stronger than any time before. ... The loser is the occupation."


But the owner of a coffee stand located near the Gaza City rally criticized the festivities, given the steep Palestinian death toll.
"We can't talk about real victory because there were thousands of martyrs and we didn't liberate anything," said Jawdat Abu Nahel. "It's no time for a parade."

Hey asshole! -You voted for them - and just wait till their next big victory?

US State Department Women Barred From Sex With Bill Clinton

Secretary of State hillary Clinton is requiring that all State Department female employees -under the age of thirty nine sign an agrrement that they will "Not have sex with Bill Clinton."

Secretary Clinton announced;" You know my Bill - he would fuck a snake - and there are a lot of great looking potential "Monica's" running around over here."

"I'm just not taking ANY chances. -Bill seems to have gotten a grip on his libido - but i'm just taking out some insurance - we don't want to find him fucking some wide eyed State Department intern on my watch."

She concluded; "Oh - and i have made it crystal clear to all the young hotties around here -that blow and hand jobs qualify as "Sex"

"Oh and if i catch him fucking some foreign head of state - his balls are history!"

Fox Tv Announces"'Dinner With The Madoff's"

Bernie Madoff turns chef in Fox TV's new cooking show -in which Bernie Madoff will prepare dinner for a group of his investors who he defrauded out of millions.

Fov TV President Meyer Schlocky said today: 'Bernie is an excellent cook and he and his wife are known for giving elegant dinner parties at their Manhattan penthouse (where Bernie is confined on bail) - and they will really roll out the red carpet for some of those investors who got screwed big time in his 70 billion dollar ponzi fraud."

Schlocker went on; " There will be lot's of celebrity guests and some really cool entertainment - and we expect everyone to have a real great evening - and the audience will get to know Bernie as more than just a crook - because he really is a nice guy and feels really bad about what happened."

"Oh" - said Schlocker; "And we will also invite some of his many fans from all over the globe - you know - thousands of decent folks made a ton of money with Bernie over the years - and if it wasn't for the housing collapse he could have gone on making people rich and richer for who knows how long?"

"And - all the profits he earns from the show will go to the families of people he screwed."

Israel Dropping Corned beef and Pastrami Sandwiches Over Gaza

Israel has begun what they are calling "Operation Heartburn."

They are dropping tens of thousands of vacum sealed -fresh and hot - packages containing delicious kosher cornbeef and pastrami sandwiches on rye bread with mustard - to the hungry citizens of the gaza strip. (with kosher pickles)

When Homer Bigler head of The Red Cross in the area praised the Israelis for their largesse - he was told by an israeli Government spokesman for the operation:

"Hey look - these people are starving - and when they gobble up those delicious fatty sandwiches on empty stomachs they are all going to get a severe case of the shits and severe stomach cramps - and they will be extremely thirsty -and they have very little water."

"And - it's very hard to fire a rocket when you are shitting your brains out and are severely dehydrated - so this is not exactly a humanitarian effort on our part." - said the spokesman.

"But - those sandwiches will taste awfully good going down!"

"And -they are nutritious!"

"Want to try one."

Israeli Nuclear Sub Captain Speaks Out

Captain Moishe Pipick of the Nuclear Submarine -"The Big Latke" told one of his buddies who commands an American Sub today:

"You know what's really gonna piss me off about taking out most of the Arab countries if they strike us on a large scale?"

"What, Moishe" said the American Nuke commander.

"All these fucking fanaticks are gonna smile just as their turning into flaming smores."

He went on; "And fifty sixty million innocent people are going to join them because the civilized world just didn' get it! - I mean the Russians tried to put nukes ninety miles off your coast and Kennedy was ready to light up the world over that - but here we are surrounded by nut cases who can't wait to annihilate us - and their working on it 24/7 -and when we go about having to keep them under control - to stop them from building their arsenals right next door to us - they scream that wer'e fucking murderers!."

"Captain Pipick continued: "I mean they don't need nukes - just some longer range missiles and poof - goodbye Israel as we know it."

"If the major powers don't get together and collectively put a net over these animals it's definitely going to happen! - we will have to destroy them first!" said Pipick.

"Can you imagine if THEY had or if they acquire anything near our military capabilities what they would do? - These fucks don't live in or care about THIS world - it holds nothing for them."

The American captain said; "Yep Moishe - there's lot's of fine folks over there but the Mullahs have got them by the balls - oh and can you imagine what China or Russia would do if they were in your shoes?"

"Yeah" replied Captain Pipick -"jJust look at Chechnya for example - the Russkies turned those Muslims into slaves - they practically wiped em out and these fucking Arabs didn't say boo! - or any body else for that matter."

"And" said the American -"They killed millions of Muslims in Darfur -and not a peep from the Arabs - and we saved their Muslim asses in Bosnia and Croatia - and not a word of thanks."

Pipick concluded: "Yeah -it's all about the Jews and ALL the Infidels -it's a fucking shame! - It's gonna be the biggest fucking mess in all of history when i push those buttons."

Humans VS. Rabid Chimpanzees - You Choose!

“Muslim brothers,” said the government-appointed preacher, Sheik Eid Abdel Hamid Youssef, “God has inflicted the Muslim nation with a people whom God has become angry at and whom he cursed so he made monkeys and pigs out of them. They killed prophets and messengers and sowed corruption on Earth. They are the most evil on Earth.”


And these crazy morons have felt this way about the Jews long before Israel existed!


It isn't about Palestine or Palestinians!


They hate the Jews -they hate themselves -they hate progress -they hate women -they hate Democracy - they hate art and literature and music!


They are a land full of miserable fucks - where the best jobs are killing each other in the name of Allah - where a violent death leads to the promise of an eternity fucking Virgins in Paradise.


Just Imagine the Israelis living next door to these Neanderthals knowing that the first time they gain the military means to wipe them off the face of the Earth - they will attempt it!

And - then - an Israeli nuclear submarine in the Mediterranean will turn Gaza and the West Bank and Syria and Iran and Jordan and maybe the whole fucking Middle East into Chernoble!

So - we all better pray that they are successful in keeping their ongoing existential threats at a reasonable distance until the Arabs get their shit together - or it's the big KABOOM!

Because the Israelis won't go down easy!

Hamas is commited to the destruction of Israel! -They are totally supported by Iran and Syria -The Israelis cannot stand by and let them grow stronger and stronger.

These Chimpanzees are their next door neighbors - this is not about Israelis wantonly killing civilians - the Israelis revere life - not death.

This is about a tiny democratic country living among the most crazy and violent people on Earth - fighting for it's life!

Look at a map you fucking morons out there demonstrating!

Darfur - Congo - Zimbabwe - Myannamar - Somalia

Gaza is like a fucking day care center in Beverly Hills next to the other raging human slaughterhouses around the globe!

Where is all the outrage - peace initiatives - front page top of the news moaning and handwringing over the ongoing death and destruction - torture maiming and wanton slaying and mutilating of MILLIONS of women and children?

It's unabated ongoing slaughter - Millions of innocent people have been undergoing holocaust like conditions for years - and where is there any collective sense of urgency to intercede on the scale of the international histrionics swirling around Gaza?

It's a fucking disgrace! - What is it about Jews legitimately defending their tiny patch of this earth - surrounded by lunatics who have screamed for their destruction even when they were nothing but a group of struggling farmers on crappy land, which they bought from the Ottomans - and turned into a decent society in the face of ongoing existential attacks from the whole fucking Arab world;

That evokes such a disproportionate response - compared to the tyrannical mayhem that goes unchecked around the Globe?

hey Gazan PEOPLE - Nice Day For a Picnic - Have Fun!

Israel has long argued that Hamas exploits civilians by operating among them. Hamas has responded that it is a people’s movement.

No air raid shelters! - Civilians are shields! - Emergency supplies and basic societal needs ignored to pay for weapons and tunnel construction -And the declared goal of eliminating the State of Israel.

So - if the PEOPLE are not happy - they may want to consider making some changes?

But -if you PEOPLE like things the way they are - have a great day .

Take the kids out for a picnic on the beach - or maybe just a nice stroll around town? - Bring some rockets for the kids.

Let's Sacrifice To The God's of Finance And See What Happens

Imagine, you’ve just boarded a flight and you hear the captain come on the PA system “Attention ladies and gentlemen, we will be departing after a brief delay. We need to sacrifice a pair of goats in order to get the flangie working on the throttle control.”

Thats pretty much what passengers on Nepal’s National Airline heard this past week. According to the AP:

Officials at Nepal’s state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft.

Now personally i think that's a lot more credible and satisfying than putting that wafer in your mouth and believing it's the body of a god who was delivered of a virgin and then got killed and came back to life - like a Zombie.

I mean- maybe wer'e in all this world wide trouble because the God's are pissed off about the lack of sacrifices to them over the past two thousand years?

Hey -let's try an experiment! - We burn that guy Madoff, who screwed all those charities --At the stake - as an offering to the God's of Finance.

If things seem to get better - than we really kick up the heat - and lord knows there are plenty of offerings to go around.

I mean - if Bernie Madoff gets the God's attention -then just think how happy they would be to see Milton Friedman sizzling away in the Houston Astrodome along with a couple of those cutie pies from say Washington Mutual.

Well - you get the idea - and hey -that Nepalese airliner flew perfectly after the goats got sacrificed.

It's a win win situation !

Israel Should carpet Bomb Gaza Into Dust

We carpet bombed the living shit out of Germany and Fire Bombed Japan thousands of miles from our homeland and then nuked them to end their aggression -OH:

And tens of thousands of Israelis have to hide in shelters because their Piss Ant next door neighbor doesn't think they should exist - decrees their ultimate destruction - and has enhanced their terrorist state military capabilities five fold over the course of their latest cease fire.

These death worshiping cretans had the opportunity to turn Gaza into a model of what a palestine state could become - instead they got a blank check from Iran and Syria to turn the land - Which Israel totally exited from - into an armed terrorist camp - and started a daily barrage of indiscriminate rocket attacks. (Civilians? - Who cares!)

Israel should give them an adequate warning to evacuate - and then bomb them back into the stone age!

My neighbor said to me yesterday in his rabid "liberalspeak" "But oh the response is so disproprtional"

WHAT - We killed over fifteen million GERMANS AND TWO MILLION JAPS - IN WORLD WAR TWO - AND WE LOST THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND - MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE STOPPED FIGHTING and killing AT THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DEAD and gone home?

Oh - and Irael is fighting for it's life in the world's worst neighborhood with the same fucks that hate us and want us dead - RIGHT NEXT DOOR to nihilistic terrorists that are growing stronger every day - with an Israeli Arab population that is breeding like rats and getting nastier and more hostile to the very State that offers them a protected democratic citizenship (can you imagine what would happen to Jews cheering for Israel in Iran)

The Iranians -whose leaders are nuts and Syria -and their Hezbollah and Hamas proxies are drooling over the prospects of a weakened Israel:

And your talking disproportional? - read a fucking history book -will ya?

Bomb them off the fucking map!