xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: Kirstie Alley Gives Birth To Twenty Pound Black Baby Boy

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Kirstie Alley Gives Birth To Twenty Pound Black Baby Boy

The wide hipped -- georgous earthmother/actor -- best known for her battles with the bulge -- gave birth to a twenty pound black baby in Lenox Hill hospital in New York City last night. ( so now we know what those extra wide skirts were concealing).

Kirstie's Obstetrician,Dr. Charles Bukowsky, said: "It's the biggest baby ever delivered that we know of -- it's beyond belief!" -- He sat down and wiped his forehead and continued; "Kirstie has hips and a pelvic structure wide enough to push out a Volkswagen -- when the head started to crown i almost fainted -- for a moment i thought she was giving birth to a bowling ball."

The Dr. took a deep breath and went on:"And suddenly the whole body came out and it grabbed onto the wrist of an attending Nurse and started to pull her hand into his mouth -- and we had to sedate the giant new born." And how was Kirstie taking all of this? --asked the bandit medical reporter."Calm as could be -- she just kept smiling that big shit eating grin of hers and when she saw the little giant she exclaimed, "It's Shaq!" -- whatever that means?"

Asked how the new momma was making out, the Doctor said; "Oh just fine -- she is working on her third quart of Jerry's PostPartum Peanut Chocolate Fudge and is of course eager to see her newborn freak --oops , i mean baby,who is currently in isolation after attacking three newborn infants in the neo-natel nursery."

He concluded; "We have stationed armed guards around the whole Pediatric wing of the Hospital as a precautionary move -- in case whoever or whatever the father is should try to reach the mother or child -- because, there is every reason to assume it is not human!"