xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: CBS Announces "Nipple Thursday" To Save Katie

Friday, March 02, 2007

CBS Announces "Nipple Thursday" To Save Katie

"Clearly -- our strategy of having Katie delivering the news without underwear has not worked!," said Moishe Pipick CBS news president,reeling from the latest nielsen news ratings which show Katie Couric dead last and slipping in key younger male demos.

He further announced; "Beginning with the spring rating sweeps Katie Couric has agreed to deliver the news on thursday nights with one of her nipples exposed." He went on; "If that doesn't work we'll go to two nipples and as Katie said to me yesterday at lunch, "If those kids don't want to watch me for my journalistic ability, then -- fuck em -- maybe it's time to take that centerfold offer from Playboy --- maybe a beaver shot will entice them to watch the CBS nightly news."

Candy Crowley of CNN and Gwen Eiful of PBS where up in arms about the announcement but Wolf Blitzer was overheard remarking ; "If Candy took her tits out the audience would gag --i'm still trying to forget that shot of Kathy Bates' sagging balloons in "What About Schmidt" -- Jack Nicholson told me he hasn't been able to get it up since that scene in the hot tub with her" --and Bill Baker president of PBS said he would rather see his grandmothers ass than Gwen Eifull's black tits -- and besides --wer'e PBS" but maybe for the next fund raiser?"