xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: Remains Of Pine Mountain Club Revealed At Last

Monday, May 27, 2013

Remains Of Pine Mountain Club Revealed At Last


“After crossing through Frazier Park, the San Andreas fault begins to bend northwards. This area is referred to as the “Big Bend” and is thought to be where the fault locks up in Southern California as the North American and Pacific plates try to move past each other.”

Nearbye Mount Pinos towers over the hamlet of the newly escavated “Pine Mountain Club" and Apache Saddle on it’s ridge - is the highest point on the San Andreas fault. -- 

Global Web News Bulletin - May 2067

“ The intact remains of the “Pine Mountain Club” which disapeared beneath a tsunami of ash and lava in the San Andreas fault rupture on Christmas eve of 2013; and which was discovered in 2057, have been opened for public exhibition on this memorial day weekend after ten years of escavation by the World Geology Association”

Dr.Jonathon Vulcan, chairman of the WGA quoted a description of “Pompei” which geologists have long equated with the burying and subsequent discovery of the buried Pine Mountain Club:

“Pompeii is a ruined and partially buried Roman city near modern Naples in the Italian region of Campania, in the territory of the comune of Pompei.
It, along with Herculaneum (its sister city), was destroyed, and completely buried, during a catastrophic eruption of the volcano Mount Vesuvius spanning two days on 24 August 79 AD.[1]
The volcano collapsed higher roof-lines and buried Pompeii under many meters of ash and pumice, and it was lost for nearly 1700 years before its accidental rediscovery in 1748. Since then, its excavation has provided an extraordinarily detailed insight into the life of a city at the height of the Roman Empire. Today, it is one of the most popular tourist attractions of Italy and a UNESCO

He continued; “And the entombed remnants of Pine Mountain culture have provided us with equivalent insights into the life of a rural mountain community in the early twenty first century – the quake occuring just prior to the disastrous terrorist nuclear attack on Long Beach California in 2014 which destroyed so many historical documents in the state of California.”.

Dr. Vulcan introduced Marta Schwartzenneger; who traces her lineage back to her heroic ancestor Arnold. An ex movie star and Governor of the State who was tragically killed in the  attack.
Marta addressed a group of world leaders, the media and local residents -- at the official opening of the “Pine Mountain Earthquake Monument and Museum.” :

 Victoria Hedlund the niece of Patric Hedlund who was killed while covering the Earthquake and is a local hero known for her staunch enterprise reporting on Mountain Community issues  was on hand covering the event for The Mountain Enterprise.

 She stated; “Five full escavation diuramas will be available for public viewing this weekend and they hope to have many new sections of the village available for viewer tours by next Memorial day -and i know Auntie Patric is up there on Mt. Pinos looking down with pride on us today as we move forward courageously with our lives - proud and ready for whatever comes next."

She went on; “In the first diurama visitors will be able to see an elderly couple who were buried instantly in their golf cart on the recently renovated Pine Mountain Golf Club (an ancient gas powered vehicle used to transport “Golfers” - who played a game in which they competed to strike small white orbs with “golf clubs”, around a park - getting them to roll into strategically placed holes in the ground with a minimum of clubbing attempts.”

“Golf- along with all outdoors recreation came to an abrupt end in 2037  when the price of oil soared to five hundred Yuan per barrel.

Hedlund continued; “The second diurama shows a young woman who was buried with a now extinct  four legged furry creature called a Dog while performing the ancient activity called “Jogging” ( decades before the science of molecular atomic mitochondrial muscle stimulation eliminated the necessity for physical activity).

“The third exhibit shows an intimate, frozen in time portrait of an adult heterosexual couple in the throes of physical copulation!” She elaborated; “ This old intimate form of pleasure and reproduction was culturally ubiquitous prior to the perfection of virtual stimulators which now provide far advanced pleasure center orgasmic experiences - and which coupled with modern embryonic farming technology - has long eliminated the tedious need for physical coupling.

‘The detailed exhibit in diurama number four” said Victoria Hedlund; “ Shows a group of men and women who were buried in an instant while they were engaged in the ubiquitous historical custom of imbibing alcoholic liquids in a “bar” (which was the common general designation of these meeting places) in order to deaden their minds and open up relaxed neural pathways -which was conducive to aberrant but mostly satisfying discourse and behavior. Preliminary analysis of their facial expressions by modern neurologists and cognition experts appears to indicate that they may have experienced a pleasure response from their “Alcohol” - significantly greater than today’s dopaserotonator capsules.”

“The fifth and final exhibit is a vivid snapshot in time of the “Pine Mountain Fuel Station’ where local residents would acquire carbon based energy before the advent of hydrogen fusion technology - and prior to the devastating energy wars of 2015 which resulted in the total destruction of  Iraq, Syria, and Saudi Arabia.

 Pine Mtn Club Fuel Station  -Their hated owners were hung by disgruntled locals

She concluded; “It is interesting to note that the price of “gasoline” at the recently remodeled “Pine Mountain Fuel Station” at the time of it’s inundation, after the cracking of the San Andreas fault, had reached fifteen dollars a gallon (up from five dollars in 2013) and may account for the dismembered body parts found strewn around the fueling site – as residents may have slaughtered each other – their rage “fueled” ( oops a pun, said Victoria jokingly) by an inability to power their vehicles – and fulfill the ravenous - twenty first century addiction to shopping.”

“Enjoy the Exhibition”