xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: Secret New Years Resolutions Of Britney Spears Revealed - As She Converts To Islam

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Secret New Years Resolutions Of Britney Spears Revealed - As She Converts To Islam

The digibandit has received a copy of Britney Spear's New Year resolutions - and here are these astonishing revelations:

I will become a devout Islamo Fascist!

As a Muslim Fundamentalist i will not have any fun - only forced sex with smelly violent men - no more kinky pleasure - no more blow jobs or anal shtupping. (i will really miss that!)

I will hate all Jews and Infidels and Sunni Muslims - and i don't know why and it doesn't matter - hating is good!

I will not engage in any art related activities - Allah does not like TV or Music or Dancing or Books or basically anything beautiful that might take away from worshipping him.

I will recite prayers from the Koran five times a day - it doesn't matter if i understand what I'm saying - most of my fellow Muslims can't read or write anyway.

I will not expose any of my body in public - so i might as well just get as fat as a house like most Muslim women - i kinda like this part but i don't think rice will replace Ben and Jerry's.

I will enjoy having no basic rights - as a woman i will basically enjoy being one step higher on the social ladder than a goat.

It will be fun being hot and dirty and oppressed and totally ignorant - surrounded by violence and watching my children have just as much fun as me.

If i get real lucky one of my children will blow himself up and a whole batch of Infidels - and then he can send for me to join him in Paradise.

Hey - it's gotta be better than my life in Hollywood?