Romney Attempts Suicide says Ann Romney

"He seemed fine when we got home to the Mansion  - i had the cooks prepare his favorite caviar omlette and they made some home made ice cream for him which i thought would be soothing" said Ann.

"I went out to the stables and pet the horses for a while and then had my servants bathe  me and give me a pedicure which i needed (the campaign has been death to my personal grooming) and then i strolled over to our Spa and had my trainers give me a massage and then had the butler bring me a little glass of Champagne to quiet my nerves."

She continued: "Just then our head of security ran in and said he found Mitty all tangled up in his Mormon underwear and standing on a Louis XV $200,000 chair with his Gucci belt around his neck - and Mitty was screaming:

"Those fucking Mexicans and Queers and Kikes and young hooligans just cost me the election - why? why? why? did i ever listen to those Redneck fucking Tea Party Christian Morons led by those two ignorant cunts Bachman and Palin and that wop Santorum."

"I can't take it! -The Mormon God has forsaken me for that muslim Nigger!"

Ann continued;"WELL - Mittens seems to have completely lost his bearings and this is just too much for me so i'm taking my kids and thirty nine grandchildren away on our yacht to The Greek Islands until Mittens gets his balls back in order -and -it better be soon or he's on his own and i know Bain capitol does NOT want him back so MAYBE HE CAN JUST BECOME A FUCKING mISSIONARY IN THE CONGO OR SOME OTHER NIGGER HELL HOLE!"